LISTEN: Damn! How this rock ballad turned into one of the biggest LGBTQ+ anthems of the ’90s

Singer-songwriter Sophie B. Hawkins made a massive splash when her debut single “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” hit the airwaves in 1992.

The headbanging rock pop ballad was ripe with controversy from its conception. Hawkins’ producer, Ralph Shuckett, told her to cut the word “damn” from the title and hook, as including a curse word meant the song wouldn’t get as much radio play in conservative areas.

“I remember we had fights about this in his house in Brooklyn, but I won because I was young and confident,” Hawkins recalled in a recent essay about the song’s creation for the Guardian. “Radio stations in the American south didn’t want the word ‘damn,’ but to Sony’s credit they went with it.”

And thank goodness they did. The track wouldn’t be the same without Hawkins’ soul-piercing belt on the word “Damn!” at the top of each chorus. But it’s the rest of the lyrics that drew queer listeners to the track.

“Damn, I wish I was your lover / I’ll rock you ’til the daylight comes / Make sure you are smilin’ and warm / I am everything, tonight I’ll be your mother / I’ll do such things to ease your pain / Free your mind and you won’t feel ashamed,” Hawkins wails on the chorus. That level of pining basically sums up the gay experience.

Hawkins says the queer interpretation wasn’t intentional, but she’s 100% open to it. “The third verse — ‘Free your mind and you won’t feel ashamed’ — is probably why people have called it a lesbian or LGBTQ+ anthem,” Hawkins wrote. “I’m glad, but it goes deeper than sexuality and gender. It’s about human issues and, 35 years later, the meaning is still changing as society evolves.”

Besides, Hawkins herself is part of the queer community. In 2008, Hawkins told GO Magazine that she identifies as omnisexual. “The truth about omnisexuality is my sexuality is spiritual,” she said. “It’s creative. I absolutely can fall in love with any gender if I love the person’s mind, heart and soul.” 

At the time, Hawkins said she’d been in a relationship with another woman for 11 years — but regardless of her partner’s gender, intimacy is always a priority for her. “Sex is my favorite thing in the world. I demand it in my relationships,” Hawkins said.

“Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” got the music video treatment not once, but twice. The original video showed Hawkins sensually lying in white fabric, intercut with footage of dancers. MTV banned this video for “erotic content” — a wild restriction considering what can slide in a music video today. 

Watch.

Hawkins wrote that many years after the video was pulled, she learned that her label actually wanted her to record a new music video because the original featured her dancing with a Black partner. “If I’d known that back then, I’d have done more scenes with him,” she wrote.

Regardless of the reasoning, Hawkins shot a second music video for the track. This version showed Hawkins, now dressed more conservatively, performing the song on stage with a band.

Watch.

The song was a smash success, peaking at #5 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 and launching her career.

In 2011, Slant Magazine ranked “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” as #100 on their list of the best 100 singles of the ‘90s, and in 2022, Time Out included the track in its round-up of the 50 best songs to celebrate Pride all year long. Clearly, the song still resonates with modern listeners.

More than 30 years after the song’s release, Hawkins’ career is still going strong. Her latest album, Free Myself, is her first release in 11 years. 

Check out the music video for Hawkins’ new album’s lead single, “Love Yourself”: