The “closeted married guy” is nothing new, but despite the social landscape becoming much more accepting for everyone to live as their true selves, many still wind up entangled in a web of lies, unable to see light at the end of the tunnel.
But the truth has a funny way of bubbling to the surface.
In this case, a rightfully upset woman in her mid 20s is concerned that her 30-year-old husband of four years may be hiding his sexuality from her. And like may revealed secrets before it, alcohol acted as the lubricant.
“I have never had the suspicion that he was gay,” she writes on Reddit, though she admits, “The only signs I can really think of is that it took him a while to initiate sex (I always thought he was just shy like he said). I still have to initiate sex often because he’ll only do it like once a week and sometimes won’t even finish himself off. Sex is over once I’ve finished and we barely have any foreplay before.”
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Related: Does This Man’s Wife Deserve To Know His Kinky Gay Adult Film Past?
One night the two attended a friend’s party, where her husband (who isn’t usually much of a drinker) proceeded to knock ’em back like he owned the place.
When they got back home, he hit the whiskey bottle for a night cap or two.
“I’m tired so I decide to head off to bed,” she recalls. “I go to give him a kiss like usual. As soon as I started bringing my face closer to his, he leaned back so far he almost fell off the chair. He had this really confused/disgusted look on his face and I laughed at first, but then when I went to kiss him on his cheek, He pushed my face away. Then he looked at me really shocked and said ‘No I’m gay!'”
That night she couldn’t sleep, replaying the events over and over inside her head.
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“The next day, we were having breakfast and he was extremely hungover. I start telling him how drunk he was last night and he just laughs. Then I told him about what he did/said and he looks straight up at me really worried. I must have looked really upset because right after he said ‘everyone says stupid things when they’re drunk, forget about it.’ Then he walked off saying he needs a shower. He’s been a little distant ever since.”
Either way, she’s 26 and in a rocky marriage. Add the likelihood that he actually is gay, and we say get out while you’re young!
As for the husband, it’s time for him to kick himself in the ass and get honest — he’s got to start somewhere.
Glücklich
What a fucking mess! The both of them! Yes, wife, get out while you’re young. She had to take this to Redditt for strangers to weigh in? God, figure shit out for yourself!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA9tXK4wszI
martinbakman
Whisper!!
Billy Budd
He is probably unsure of himself. He doesn’t know what he wants. He is conflicted.
RIGay
Another example of the shit you think you learn in college does not apply in real life. That “Duuuuuuude… we were SOOOO wasted last night… I don’t remember a thing!….” argument just don’t scale to married life.
Clark35
I have seen closeted gay men do this, they do tend to drink a lot either as alcoholics or occasional binge drinkers like this guy’s “wife” who supposedly is on reddit claims; but it’s rather odd that someone would ask for advice about this on reddit or on the internet.
Jeff Sands
“A drunk man’s words are the sober man’s thoughts.”
Mercurical Memo
Queerty, I have a question: what methods do YOU use to determine heterosexuality and homosexuality? Because it seems to me your site and articles do a lot of selective prescription of sexual identity that is not very consistent. Are men straight as long as they are not republican? Are they straight as long as they behave like one dimensional *ahem* ‘jocks’ & ‘bros’? Just curious as to the standards by which you measure legitimate heterosexuality? It sounds to me this man is as straight as a guy who gives bro-jobs, wouldn’t you say?
mmichael_24
It’s not weird that she looked to help on the internet. It’s anonymous and she doesn’t have to feel embarrassed because no one will know who she is. We have all looked for help on the internet in some type of way.
Clark35
@mmichael_24: No it’s not anonymous on reddit.
Ridpathos
I actually get oddly straight when I’m drunk. I wouldn’t be surprised if a straight man went gay only if he’s knocked back a few.
jason smeds
Many men have same-sex feelings but hide them out of fear of what their wives or girlfriends might think. Keep in mind that women in general are not very tolerant of male homosexual feelings if they are discovered in the man they are having a relationship with.
This tendency of women to reject male homosexual feelings in men who are also attracted to women has helped to create a new “false class” of gay men. By this, I mean men who don’t want anything to do with the gay identity but who are forced into it by the resentment of the female species.
Jamie Bensson
A drunk mind speaks a sober heart as my nan used to say
Chris
“Donde el vino entra, la verdad sale.” Where the wine enters, the truth comes out.
Get out of that marriage, wifey. Now, before you waste another day with him. ….. Even if he’s not gay (I think that he’s at least bi), he sounds like he’s a complete mess.
Gaymikey1960
I met this woman and I was honest with her from the beginning, at the time I was in the closet because I was singing in a quartet I was the baritone. I was so attracted to our piano player but being in a religious singing group it had to remain my secret, I married her but was a marriage of convenience not love. I had a personna to keep singing in front of thousands of religious people every week, and if my sexuality was discovered my career would be over. She changed in her personality soon after we were married and after a psychological evaluation found she had severe mental problems. One minute she would be just fine, then the next minute she would be so violent and out of control she made my life very difficult.
Sex was never there for us as I did not love her, and the love she had was the money I was making and all the stuff she could buy and she loved flaunting it in front of everyone. Well I also found out she was having sex with about 10 guys when I was gone, but I was always able to find a guy while out on tour with the group. I divorced her in 2006, came back out of the closet and swore I’d never go back in.
Some guys can’t come out because they feel trapped, they see no way out, so they stay unhappy and in an unhappy marriage. Or there are children involved and they think the children would turn against them if the truth me known, 9 times out of 10 yes the wife turns the children against the father but the best thing I ever did was divorce her and live the truth and stop living a lie!
BigG
they are both messed up they have no business being married to each other
Giancarlo85
@jason smeds: Here we go with more idiocy from your end. It’s apparent you know nothing about human sexuality. Stop trying to act intellectual and stop trying to post big words you don’t understand. Your hatred of women is obvious. Was your mother that bad to you? Why do you hate women that much? Women in a position of power must scare the shit out of you.
Sluggo2007
There had to be signs before this. This woman is in complete denial. She needs to get going while the going is good.
Brandon Quesada
Not my business, Queerty. Not yours either.
Amaurys Arias
Run now.. While you’re still young.
Brady Ireland
This is borderline Onion-ish
bottom250
Honey run.I am often with these married men they are so gay it isn’t funny.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Yea don’t you do about 50 men a month?
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Honey why does my sleeping with a lot of men always upset you. Why is it your concern?
brandon
poor girl
McShane
@bottom250:
He is still picking on you? It’s because he thinks that you’re below his god like standards. Let him have it.
Don’t feed him. He is quickly running out of people to argue with.
*hugs sweetheart*
Brian
If he’s not cheating on her, why should she be concerned? She needs to stop being ridiculous and accept that many men have same-sex fantasies at times. If she can’t cope with this, she’s being homophobic in my view.
stranded
Check his browser history. But to be fair, as a bi guy I get a lot of jealousy from my partners. Suddenly you’re normal manner is seen as suspicious. I mean when she says he was distant all day. It’s hard to really believe that. She may feel that he’s being distant, but maybe he’s just hung over and withdrawn. Or she might have confronted him in a confrontational way (or he felt she was) and so he’s feeling he has to be defensive.
bottom250
@McShane: Thank you Sweetheart for your kind words.
Giancarlo85
@McShane: Oh please. You are a nobody. And finally you get a new picture that shows your true self. You look like Jared Fogle.
What god like standards? I think bottom250 is not real and is intended to make gay people look like whores.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Many of us gay men enjoy sex with other men and don’t want to be in committed relationships. I know it is shocking.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: I enjoy sex with a guy. I also enjoy having a glass of wine. But it’s called about moderation.
I respect people who don’t want to be in relationships. One of my friend is like that because he’s working to become a doctor (he’s gay too). He works way too many hours a week (60-70).
Just because he isn’t a committed doesn’t mean he wants to be a shameless whore that sleeps with 5-10 men a week.
Giancarlo85
My last comment to you… condoms break, dude. If you’re even using condoms. Just remember that.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Ohhh Sweetheart and you can get hit by a bus today. Enjoy life and embrace your sexuality honey.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: I do embrace my sexuality. That’s why I have a nice sweet boyfriend.
I drive a lot for my job… I could get hit by a tanker truck and explode into pieces. I mitigate any such possibilities by improving and increasing my safety by employing defensive driving. There is always risk… but by embracing my own life, I reduce any such possibility. The same kinda applies to sex life.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: That is great for you sweetheart but not for this Queen.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Great. Good for you. But you never answered my question about whether you use condoms. I guess not my business. Good luck with that.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Hugs baby thank you
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: What are you thanking me for? I am not going to condone bareback sex. Period. I am just done with this.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Honey if you are in a monogamous relationship you should embrace it.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: How am I not embracing it? You give gay men a bad name.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: That is awesome that you are embracing barebacking in your monogamous relationship.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: I represent myself not the whole gay community. You give me a lot of power sweetheart by suggesting this little queen represents the whole gay community and thus gives it a bad name.
Juanjo
@Giancarlo85: Honey you are a seriously irrelevant little thing aren’t you? First you accuse him of bareback sex and then a couple posts later you are assuming he does bareback. So what business of yours is it if he has sex with 5 guys a day or five guys a week or five guys a year? It is really not any of your concern.
Giancarlo85
@Juanjo: I am irrelevant huh? Enough for you to make a stupid reply like that one? Have you seen this guys posting history on here? Just go through it. I didn’t have to assume anything. I think he isn’t real and just a parody troll. One that posts about sex all the time and tries to mock the rest of us. And I have never seen you on here before, so I am sure you have no clue about what is going on.
Excuse me for calling someone out on their bullshit. I guess some can’t handle the reality.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: You apparently cannot read. I am embracing monogamy. Not bareback sex. Reckless idiots do bareback sex and I would never do it under any circumstance. NEVER. I am not even into anal sex all that much. It is overrated and isn’t even that nice.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Honey no bareback sex in a loving monogamous disease free relationship and you don’t enjoy receiving and/or giving anal sex. Sweetie time to revoke your gay card. Lol j/k baby.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Lol. They have done polls on gay and bi men and found most don’t even do anal sex. And by the way I didn’t say I didn’t do it. I am versatile, but it just doesn’t rank that high for me. And can you really trust anyone enough to do bareback? I surely cannot. People can lie.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: I love being polled.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Troll. You cannot even respond to what I said because you know it is true.
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Sweetheart I am tired of your judgmental ways and your put downs because I am a “stereotypical” gay man who enjoys sex with men.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: I’m not putting anyone down. I’m just saying you’re not even stereotypical. You’re far beyond that and I wouldn’t be surprised if you already have several STDs. Seriously, have you ever considered moderation in your life?
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: Sweetie you are just an unkind man putting down a fellow gay man. Who needs straight homophobic people when we have them in the gay community.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Again, I am not putting down anyone. How am I homophobic? Shit lol. That’s a good one. I’m androgynous and I’ve done drag. I’m the last one you can call “homophobic”. I’m just sick of seeing irresponsible behavior simply because you’re trying to be different. You’re not being different. Guess what? Straight men do it too, but end up having to pay child support.
Take some damn responsibility and respect yourself a bit more! I am all about self respect and confidence!
Chris
Would the two of you get a room already? Watching you engage in foreplay is downright embarrassing!
Giancarlo85
@Chris: Eww. I’ll pass.
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