Mary Cheney: We Forgive You, Just Don’t Bring Back Your Old Hair

Mary Cheney, the no-nonsense lesbian daughter of our beloved curmudgeonly Vice President, has been increasing her presence in the media as of late, going so far as to get a new haircut and abandoning that heinous almost-a-mullet disaster.


Mary Cheney before; Mary Cheney after.

To publicize the release of her upcoming book Now It’s My Turn: A Daughter’s Chronicle of Political Life, she chatted with Diane Sawyer; spending lots of time boo-hooing how hard it is to blindly support a political party that would rather have you go away (no, Log Cabin Republicans, we’re not criticizing you, save your angry emails!) as well as serving right-wing special interest groups, i.e., working as the “lesbian/gay liason” to Coors Brewing Company, which is one of the largest supporters of all those horrid right-wing groups like Focus On The Family and such. Or was. Apparently they’ve changed now. But when she worked there back in the 1990’s…ugh. Whatever, Coors beer is gross anyway.

But honestly, growing up as a Cheney must be a lot like growing up at a Cruise kid. You have no choice but to accept the family’s doctrine. God help little Suri if she wants to skip Scientology classes one day. And poor Mary was undoubtedly given no choice but to fall in line with the Republican machine. President Bush’s daughters obviously had it much easier, since their dad doesn’t really know anything about politics anyway…

In the interview, Ms. Cheney acknowledges that President Bush has a long way to go in his attempt to reach the gays of America. Although from the sounds of it, she seems to be under the impression that he’s actually working on the relationship in the first place, which he isn’t, or that there is any chance of him doing something at all, which there’s not. She also refers to her father as “even-keeled,” when clearly he is the most terrifying man in America. Dick Cheney’s support of gay rights aside, he still looks like he could rip out your throat with his teeth. Mary Cheney is delusional. But again, we forgive her, because at least she got rid of that haircut.

Cheney’s Daughter: Bush Must Catch Up On Gay Rights [Pink News]