No, But He Plays One On Film

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Out Magazine lassos an interview with Brokeback Mountain’s Jake Gyllenhaal, two years after naming him the “Hottest Straight Guy We Wish Was Gay.” He’s sensitive, reserved, bashful and about as sexy as James Dean. This is the same guy who has been quoted as confessing, “Every man goes through a period of thinking they’re attracted to another guy.” Has that bitch Kirsten been his beard this entire time? Out steps up and boldly asks him the one question we’ve been dying to ask ourselves ever since Donnie Darko:

So same-sex attraction is not a part of your life and your history.

No. I mean clearly, hopefully, you can see I’m not afraid of it.

What? That’s it? No “I started feeling things for Heath on set?” No “I’d bottom for Heath again?”

So there’s our answer, ladies. Jake is gay. But only in the movies.