A tormented young woman with nowhere left to turn has taken to Reddit in the hopes that the Internet will solve her problems.
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Chief among them: Now that she knows her fiancé’s best friend is “secretly gay,” she no longer thinks it’s particularly cute the way they joke around. Things get a little flirty.
“My SO and I have been together for three years, and were recently engaged,” she explains.
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His best friend “Bruce” has known my boyfriend since kindergarten, and I’ve known him for almost as long as I’ve known my boyfriend. Both of them are definitely the athletic “bro” type.
You know how a lot of straight guys do the hyperbolically fauxmo-erotic thing as some sort of weird male bonding ritual? Fuck if I get it, but I’m aware that a lot of guys do it, which is why this hasn’t been a problem for me….
This anonymous lady began working with one of Bruce’s exes a few weeks back, and she revealed that he’s at least bisexual. This overly chatty ex found homoerotic texts and nude photos, a gay dating app on his phone, and even an online dating profile in which he’s seeking male affection.
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“My SO has no idea yet,” she explains.
But, given what I’ve found out, I’m now uncomfortable with the kind of ‘joking around’ that the two of them do…. I want the physical contact between them to stop. I’m okay with them being friends. They’ve been friends forever, he’s been a good friend to my SO, and I would never “forbid” their friendship. I just don’t want him groping my future husband.”
Now she simply doesn’t know what to do. “I feel like I should tell my SO,” she says “I feel like Bruce’s girlfriend, if she doesn’t already know, deserves to know. But I also don’t want to out him against his will.”
Redditors were quick to offer their advice, which largely boils down to “don’t do that.”
“Tell no one,” writes Waffle_Cowboy. “You don’t even know for sure as you are hearing this all second hand from a woman who may be telling you this from a vindictive place or worse still, making it all up.”
“Have a conversation about boundaries with your BF without outing his friend,” advises Mittenbae.
“Don’t forget that fiancee chose you,” writes akaioi. “It’s bad form to out someone. He may still be trying to figure out what he’s doing, and likely doesn’t need someone to force the issue.”
What do you think she should do? Give up on life? Buy a new scarf? Weigh in in the comments below.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Over to you Brian
RIGay
Buh-bye. Been there, done that. It never ends well for the woman who wants to come between her boyfriend and his long-term gay Bro. Cut your loss, dearie, and move along. Save the wedding fantasy scrap book for your next boyfriend.
tham
someone’s Ex is rarely a good honest source for information. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard an honest word from someone’s Ex.
And women LOVE to question their ex boyfriend’s sexuality…
Sounds like the Ex won this round.
jkthsnk
Reddit is so hard to believe. Having said that, regardless of sexual orientation, why would you consider marrying someone you don’t trust?
Mkiel
Yet another boring Reddit story,who cares what this insecure females thinks?
Paco
Paging Brian…
Theonewhoismany
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Beat me to the punch.
trell
This one is easy.
She’s already acknowledged that she doesn’t ‘get’ the weird fauxmo-erotic male bonding thing, and she’s said that these guys have been besties since kindergarten. THey have a long-established relationship with boundaries that she kind-of-sort-of accepted, until the possibitily that gay bumsecks might be occurring (with no evidence) and suddenly she wants to control the guys friendship & impose on it?
Honey, if your SO and “Bruce’ are that close, chances are that Bruce has already outed himself to your BF (and just isn’t comfortable with you yet…I wonder why) or, even more likely, have probably both fooled around with each other during their troubled teens. Hell, even if “Bruce’ and your BF are both 100% straight, they’ve probably done stuff with each other in the past..There are a lot of straight guys who have gone through a ‘phase’ during their sexual development.
If the concept that these two guys have had a fumble in the past, brings up a bit of bile, congratulations! You’re homophobic.
As for the current status, the ONLY thing that changed in your perception of BF & Brian’s friendship is that Brian *might* be bi, and that he *might* be getting some kicks out of touching your man. *IF* he is bi and *IF* he is, so what? He’s not banging your SO 6 ways til Sunday. It’s that fauxmo-erotic bonding thing you say you don’t get.
Finally, what do you think will happen, and how do you think your SO will feel if you try to disrupt a normal healthy friendship over a rumour? He is happy at the moment. He has a best friend, and a fiancée that he is happy with. He won’t be so happy if the situation changes
You got two choices. – either accept their friendship for what it is, and unless there is some genuine evidence to suggest otherwise, don’t dwell on the hearsay…..or start showing people how insecure you are becoming by trying to control your BF & his bestie over nothing.
trell
Lol. Just realised I referred to Bruce as Brian at some point in my last post. Freudian slip?
Granny Spoth
I dont want to be to harsh with her.
However, in my opinion, if she is feeling insecure in her relationship, and she fears her fiancé will run off with the best friend, she should not marry him.
I would really advise her not to concern herself with what happens (or happened) between the two best friends. Do not do ultimatums or it will be a sore in your mariage forever.
I would suggest maybe a nice and peaceful conversation with Fiancé about the feelings he and Best Friend might have for each other. Use light suggestion but nothing further. Do not say anything about the Ex’s story! If Fiancé is oblivious to it, then you did what you can and get on with your life and let him appreciate his frienship with Best Friend!
Gay and straight bros have a God-given right to cuddle!
dustashed
Tell the BF what you heard from the EX, allow him and trust him enough to make the right decision after giving him that information.
Chris
Seems like she’s not talked about his sexuality with her own boyfriend. If she can accept his being fluid, then the best friend should pose no issues. If not, then they need to have a different conversation.
Oh yeah, if they’ve been friends since kindergarten, then the friendship will outlast the divorce.