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“Nowadays, when a grown woman describes herself as a ‘fag hag,’ it feels like she’s throwing around a designer label that’s faded from fashion”

SOUNDBITES — “Nowadays, when a grown woman describes herself as a ‘fag hag,’ it feels like she’s throwing around a designer label or telling me she knows a celebrity — a kind of social conspicuous consumption. Worse, it’s a designer label that’s faded from fashion — like a Juicy-brand velour sweat suit. In the past decade, gay men have become less defined and ghettoized by our sexuality than ever before, making terms like ‘fag hag’ feel as retrograde as, well, Will & Grace.” —Open.Salon.com deputy editor Thomas Rogers on his disdain for straight women who want to be his fag hag [Salon]

On:           Aug 18, 2009
Tagged: , , ,
    • Sean H.

      This could have been a great post. Have any of you ever tried to date a guy with tons of viper-ish female friends using him as a substitute boyfriend? They’re more difficult to deal with than competition from other guys. Instead he’s taking the tack that gay rights and gay labels are outdated and society is so progressive now because guys kiss on the Oscar telecast (mainly watched by women and gays). That’s easy to say when you’re sequestered in the gayborhood, but I think every objective criterion says no.

      Aug 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Qjersey

      @Sean H.:

      AVOID MEN whose “bestie” is a straight female…or only seems to have female friends. I’ll take a guys whose every friend is someone he fucked or dated over a guy who only pals with women.

      Aug 18, 2009 at 5:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mojojojo

      @Qjersey: Why is that?

      Aug 18, 2009 at 7:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • albert

      I have to agree qith qjersey, but maybe only in urban places where the phenomenon of gross feminization of our sexuality has occured. That is not to say that effeminate gay men are somehow not natural, but the generalized feminization of all gay men to some degree is. I hate that and try to avoid it. Being immersed in straight culture also further damages the libido, if you happen to be sensitive to your identity.

      Aug 18, 2009 at 7:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DeAnimator

      My favorite is when they invade a bunch of gay bars in droves or go with their gay bfs to lesbian clubs and then sneer and/or get grossed out when a lesbian looks at them.

      Um…you’re at a lesbian bar. Get over it.

      God I hate fag hags.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 2:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rose

      i guess it doesn’t count if i’m queer myself but most of my male friends are gay, but i still get called a fag hag no matter how much i try to tell them, i don’t want to be identified that way. i’ve never wanted to get all gossipy and between any of my male friends and their boyfriends, etc…we just hang out when we can and life goes on. i get annoyed by the women who actually ask me to introduce them to my gay friends, as though they are some kind of fun trinket to own. *shivers*

      Aug 19, 2009 at 7:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dgz

      about the title for this post on the main page:
      what’s a “SRT8?” (assuming you mean “str8”) if/when you change it, feel free to delete this.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChristopherM


      I don’t know what planet you’re living on, but some of us are femme and have been since the womb…get over it.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 11:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • playasinmar

      They should try “Fruit Fly” on for size.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 11:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rick

      My best friend is a women I was in the Marine Corps with for 7 years. If that is a deal breaker, then so be it. My friend has been with me through thick and thin, including three times to Iraq. I will take her over some weirdo homo anyday.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 11:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • osocubano

      The label may have faded from fashion, but they haven’t found out yet…

      Aug 19, 2009 at 2:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jake

      I prefer the term “Fairy Godmother” for some of my friends, and yes the label has faded a bit from fashion. I’m not giving up my straight female friends, as much as I’m not giving up my straight male friends. Labelling someone kinda cuts both ways. I’d rather just call them people and go from there.

      Jan 20, 2010 at 4:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Old time fag hag

      Its the 1970s again, and gays have outed themselves as mysoginists.

      Who do you think was wiping the asses funning with liquified shit before protease inhibitors? The fag hags baby. Certainly not your sisters in queerdom, the lesbians.

      So, you got what you wanted politically and you are kicking your old friends to the curb, eh?

      Stay in good health girls. Stay in good health.

      Jul 14, 2012 at 8:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sean H

      What a dumb comment above Ms.

      We’ve outed ourselves as misogynists? Every single one of us, based on 10 comments? Comments that really described our own view on our sexuality and not much else? How about all the women who voted to ban gay marriage? Women have heterosexual privilege and love use it in abundance, which was what this “fag hag” article was suggesting.

      And see as how I’m not suffering from HIV or full blown AIDS I shall not have to rely on anybody for such services as you suggest.

      Jul 14, 2012 at 8:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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