THE LIFE OF PIE

Pizza Man Herman Cain Says Veggie Toppings Are For Sissies

Today, instead of reading about a new allegation detailing his alleged tendency to sexually harass women, we found out a bit about Herman Cain, the gourmand.

In a GQ interview, Cain likened his Republican primary opponents to flavors of ice cream: Mitt Romney is “just plain vanilla,” Rick Perry is “rocky road” and ,perhaps in a veiled jab at her spouse, he labeled Michele Bachmann “tutti-frutti,” adding, “I know I’m going to get in trouble!”

Ice cream isn’t quite Cain’s forte, but the Godfather’s CEO also explained he’s very choosy about the toppings he puts on his pizza pie, revealing he likes “lots of meat” and that “the more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe, the more manly is.”

Huh?

“The more manly man is not afraid of abundance,” explains Cain. “A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.”

Guess this means we’ll have to add veggie pizza to the list of girlie foods that plague our kitchens: baby carrots,  soft-serve ice cream, tofu, macaroons, and gluten-free anything.

Image via Robert Huffstutter

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19 Comments

  • Georgie

    Yeah, I bet he likes his meat. Sausage, probably.

  • JayKay

    Well he’s right…

  • the other Greg

    Well I assumed he’s never been to Italy. I didn’t realize he’s apparently never been to NYC, Boston or Philly either.

  • DavyJones

    I’d think ‘tutti-frutti’ was less a jab at her husband, and more a jab at calling her batshit crazy… Which she is…

  • Ian

    God, this guy is an idiot.

  • Inspector X

    You heard the man, eating somewhat healthy pizza is for fags.

  • illiam

    it is for sissies!!!!

    give a pizza with lots o’ meat

  • the other Greg

    Funny that Queerty has a Papa John’s ad pop up on the screen now.

  • Marie Cohn

    Herman the Spermanator likes the fur calzone!

  • macmantoo

    Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll have a heart attack from so much grease.

  • Ken

    Manly men like a pizza piled high with meat, eh Herman?

    If you want to be a manly man, consider for a minute that one of the early indicators of poor vascular health and heart disease is erectile dysfunction.

  • christopher di spirito

    Michele Bachmann is “tutti-frutti”? Was Herman thinking of Michele or Marcus Bachmann?

  • hf2hvit

    I bet he like lots of meat on his pies…the pie of every white woman he sees.

  • Robbie K.

    “toppings” “manly” “lots of meat”…damn I am getting all flustered I need to order me that pizza

  • Phil

    God this man is dumb. Everything he does is dumb. Everything he says is dumb. Everything he thinks is dumb. So. So. Dumb.

  • christopher di spirito

    Herman Cain’s raison d’être isn’t U.S. foreign policy.

    The Republican presidential candidate and Tea Party darling could not answer a straight forward question about Libya from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel editorial board on Monday.

    Cain replied:

    “President Obama called for the removal of Gaddafi. Just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say, yes I agree, I know I didn’t agree. I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reason — no, that’s a different one. I gotta go back to…, Got all this stuff twirling around in my head. Specifically, what are you asking me, did I agree or not disagree with on what?”

  • Robert in NYC

    No. 15 and to a greater extent, the Tea Partyers are dumb.

  • B

    No. 15 · Phil wrote, “God this man is dumb.”

    For more laughs, read http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/11/12/national/a085333S82.DTL where Cain says that God told him to run, comparing himself to Moses. One can only hope that some of this analogy sticks and that Cain ends up leading the Republicans into 40 years in the wilderness (but with no happy ending after that). Either “God” is a Democrat or He’s a friend of Steven Colbert and Jon Stewart.

    Also check out http://www.kcci.com/r/29768817/detail.html (unfortunately with an annoying ad at the start, so kill the volume before clicking on the link), for a video of him sitting confused for a good 10 seconds when asked about Libya. He’s now in major spin control mode trying to explain away that performance.

    Cain also claims that homosexuality is a choice (). This may be an attempt to bring the country together in prayer: whether you are gay or straight, you could very easily pray, “Please God, make him be on the other team.”

    No. 17 · Robert in NYC wrote, “No. 15 and to a greater extent, the Tea Partyers are dumb.” … I saw one today (public hearing in town about a state-wide project). Yeah, they are really, really dumb, but after seeing the video above, I might go for a tie.

  • Queer Supremacist

    He’s not only dumb but a hypocrite. He’s a Jesus freak who believes homosexuality is a sin, yet he sells pizzas with meat on them.

    We need a gay president now.

Comments are closed.