Portia De Rossi’s Blanket Apology For All the Lives Ruined by Gay Marriage

Sometimes the gay men and women who got married in California’s brief window that legalized same-sex unions forget that their wedded bliss impacts the lives of other people. Don’t you know that by trampling on the institution of marriage The Gays are destroying family values and destroying the well-beings of fellow Americans? Portia de Rossi, recently seen playing silly games with her wife Ellen DeGeneres, has been chosen to apologize to all the heterosexual people whose own rights have been infringed upon by hateful homosexuals.

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  • rogue dandelion


  • Alexa

    That was perfect. Nothing will get the idiots with the signs to change their views, but maybe Kimmel’s audience will realize how dumb opposing gay marriage is.

  • alan brickman

    Jimmy Kimmel has the best laughs…..

  • Alex

    Wait, Portia de Rossi is Lindsey Funke? I vigorously ignored all celebrity news, even gay celebrity news with (theoretically) political ramifications, but how the fuck did I miss this? Super embarrassed.

  • vernonvanderbilt

    Deliciously brilliant. Love love love that woman.

  • BrianZ

    I 8> her.

    I’m actually rather proud of Kimmel for hosting the spot as well. I’m sure that he and his staff knew this would be rather counter the attitude of his audience demographic but they put it out there anyway. Hurray! (I still like Sarah more tho)

  • vernonvanderbilt

    @BrianZ: 8>…is that a heart with titties? :P Appropriate, I would say.

  • Jeffrey

    Perfect! Kill ’em with sarcastic kindness.

    In all seriousness, showing how ridiculous a certain view can seem is the best way to change people’s minds. The times I truly think twice come after I’ve been made to feel a bit stupid.

    Good for you, Kimmel!

  • BrianZ

    @vernonvanderbilt: I’m having a great little laugh over your comment: Thanks so much!

    I hadn’t really looked it quite like that, but I am sure that I will from here forward! Bewbies are quite fun!

  • sdandy

    Yeah, it was funny, but could have hit a lot harder.

  • sam

    Gay marriage is about getting people, who believe that marriage is only one man/one woman even from philosophical perspective, fired from good jobs, just like they already fire people who are racists. I hope Portia understands it.

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