“Is it fair to slut shame a guy who scores with someone he met through a Grindr date–say, the date’s friend?” That’s what Jeremy Helligar wants to know.
To make a long story short: Helligar recently met up with his friend and his friend’s friend, Liam, for dinner and drinks while traveling through Bangkok. The guys had a great time. At the end of the evening, Helligar’s friend left and Helligar ended up going back to his hotel room with Liam.
“It felt natural and easy and old-school,” Helligar writes in a new think-piece. “Two guys, introduced by a mutual friend, forming a connection over the course of several hours.”
The next morning, his friend sent him a text:
How about we take this to the next level?
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Actually i am a bit disappointed that my grindr date had to sleep with my friend but what am i thinking? He is a typical tourist and so are you.
That’s when Helligar realized he had unknowingly stolen his friend’s Grindr date.
Oops!
Immediately, he was overcome by guilt.
“Had I known I had interrupted a date, I would have made my excuses and left before the tequila shots,” he says. “Belatedly armed with that knowledge, I apologized for my part in my friend’s disappointment.”
Of course, more than a few questions remained. Like, for instance, why didn’t his friend mention he was on a Grindr date to being with? Why did he invite him on his Grindr date in the first place? Is it really fair to be upset over a guy who doesn’t technically belong to either of them? Was their friendship doomed?
Helligar writes:
I hated that I’d inadvertently caused emotional grief. Even more, I hated that I didn’t share his disappointment in Liam for being, as Liam himself jokingly put it, “a whore and a heartbreaker.” Damn. I hated that my strict adherence to the bro code meant I couldn’t see Liam again.
Luckily, Helligar’s friend forgave him for the mixup and they were both able to move on. The experience ultimately reminded Helligar of his deep distain for apps like Grindr, where things like honesty and etiquette standards don’t always seem to apply.
“It may work for some people,” he writes, “but once again, it had worked against me. Even when I meet a guy off the grid, it can still end up ruining everything.”
What are you thoughts on all this? What are the rules when it comes to hooking up with a friend’s Grindr date? Is it OK? Why or why not? Sound off in the comments below…
h/t: Huffington Post
Danny595
Graham Gremore pushes promiscuity, Part 456.
Jere
This has nothing to do with Grindr and everything to do with this guy’s friend exercising poor judgement and communication skills. First, you don’t invite a friend along on a first date, no matter how you met the guy. Second, if you are inviting your friend along on a date, you say that so that your friend knows the score and can, as this guy says he would have, make a discreet exit at an appropriate time.
DonW
Here’s a handy tool for answering this and many other burning dating questions.
Q: Is everyone involved a consenting adult?
1: Yes. –> What’s the problem?
2: No. –> Keep it in your pants.
End of dilemma.
KaiserVonScheiss
Well, since you asked me to sound off…
I really hate hookup culture. I don’t think it’s “wrong” per se, but I don’t like it.
charlie_jackpot
Oh please give me pity, I slept with a guy, kept my friend and can’t see this guy again. Oh no such a hard life
ChuckF
If you came out in SF in the 70s like I did, you’d know everyone is fair game. But it’s always nice to be polite.
Danny595
How many STIs have you contracted in your life?
ErikO
@Danny959 I would not be surprised if that fool ChuckF is HIV+, has Hep A, B, and C, and still does not have safer sex and believes the myth that POZ men claim that it’s fine for people who are HIV+ to bareback even though they risk co-infection, reinfection, getting new strains of HIV, and getting infected with other STDs. Of course he’ll probably claim “I’m neg! No STDs ever!” but he’s lying.
Chris
Years ago, I visited a friend in another state. After a day’s sightseeing, he and I went to dinner with one of his friends. At night’s end, I asked my friend if it was okay with him if his friend and I spent the night at the friend’s place. His comment mixed surprise at what he had missed developing right under his nose with “Well good for you.” The next morning, I rejoined my friend for breakfast. ….. Communication, that essential ingredient for keeping things clean.
Aromaeus
Why would you invite a friend to your grindr date, especially another gay friend?? Why would you not let said friend know that it is in fact a grindr date?
DavidIntl
This kind of thing is probably inevitable, especially on a first date situation. I can remember inviting a guy up for Mardi Gras who I had been chatting with for some time on Grindr, and he brought along a friend, who in turn was meeting someone local. Turned out the guy I had been chatting with wasn’t really my type at all – the sort of situation where you know within ten seconds it isn’t going to work – but he was into me. I was quite smitten with the friend’s friend. The friend’s friend was very into the friend, but the friend was more into me. No one was into the perfectly nice guy I had been chatting with. In the end, a pretty dysfunctional weekend, and probably some hurt feelings all around. But pretty unavoidable when you are playing the dating game. And we all survived to have better experiences in the future.
allisterdean
Haha, maybe some of you should ready my book!
Deliciously Wicked
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/deliciously-wicked-allister-dean/1125833865?ean=9781538014042&st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Shopping+Books_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP78860