screening room

The Catholic Church’s Beautifully Shot Video of Attractive Young White Heterosexual Couples Promoting ‘Marriage’

While Twilight: Eclipse may have satisfied our yearning for more Taylor Lautner shirtlessness, there’s one film in particular I’ve been hoping would turn into a trilogy. The National Organization for Marriage’s Gathering Storm, the Spring 2009 blockbuster complete with doomsday green screen action, was followed up by No Offense, with Carrie Prejean in the lead. But might another hate group have encroached on NOM’s territory to bring use the third installment?

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Leave it to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops — the American umbrella group for the Vatican’s church officials — to save the day. The conference’s Ad Hoc Committee for the Defense of Marriage has unveiled Marriage: Unique for a Reason, a 12-minute doozy complete with opening rain drops and water pouring, which makes me want to pee more than “protect marriage.”

Why isn’t this thing at Outfest?

The video is a “catechetical and educational aid to be used as a resource by a priest, deacon, catechist, teacher, or other leader,” says the group. “The video, viewer’s guide, and resource booklet form an integrated whole, and as such, complete the proper context of this tool.”

It’s also a science lesson: The male player in the film (real person? actor?) compares the union of a man and a woman to “two completely different things, like hydrogen and oxygen, and combining them to maker water, something entirely new, unique.” Okay, but is oxygen the man or the woman?

Stay tuned and they’ll talk about their sex lives!