The Real Ignorance of The Real Housewives

“Everybody” in New Jersey uses the word “gay” as a pejorative? On the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show, drag queen Teresa (the one sitting on the left in this clip) tries explaining away her husband’s use of the word as an insult. It’s not like he was calling someone gay; it was just a “figure of speech.” Sadly, pop culture is taking cues from these over-tanned trash clowns, which means it’s time for a lesson from Danielle — who, despite reckless plastic surgery and a prostitution scandal, is the most conscientious of the bunch. Poor Teresa, thinking Danielle just wants to create more drama, rather than what she’s actually doing here: Taking a reasoned stance against ignorance. It’s mothers like Teresa who raise children that think calling kids in school “gay” or a “fag” is hysterical.

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  • Mark.of.Antares

    I think you mean “Conscientiousness..?”

  • Mark.of.Antares

    -ness. Sorry.

  • Ross Fancher

    what a bunch of gross women! That Teresa is defending her disgusting guido husband. I saw that episode and was completely outraged by his use of the word gay. Does he not know that like 50 percent of Bravo’s audience is gay!! what a dumb ass!

  • Geoff M

    Guido or not, I wanted to bend him over and show him what ‘gay’ really means.

  • Tonyboy

    here’s a question….why did Bravo keep in in the show if it was so offensive. Andy and his team watch cut after cut of these shows. They could have taken it out. Nope. They kept it in and allowed it to be spread across the country.

  • Austin

    Did you ever notice on that show, he’s always paying for everything with huge wads of cash? When her new furniture was delivered he pulled a wad of over $100,000 out of his pocket and paid for the furniture cash. I wonder if anybody at IRS finds that curious.

  • Qjersey

    of all the people in NJ to feature they went with Italian stereotypes ala the Sopranos.

    They could have gone to Short Hills and featured a buch of JAP-py housewives, to Westfield with uptight WASP types, but they wouldn’t have been as sensational

  • Jeff Chang

    Another person playing the “I have a gay friend” card therefore my bigoted comments are permissible.

    I would actually like to see there SUPPOSED gay friends.

  • Sean

    @Tonyboy: They kept it in because otherwise all we would see in the show is Danielle being picked on and seeming crazy. This way, it showed us that she is an actual person with feelings, a person isn’t afraid to stand up for what is right. I watched that episode and was offended by what Teresa’s husband said, but then was really touched that someone, and specifically the much maligned Danielle, stood up and said something.

    Focusing on blaming Bravo for “spreading [the pejorative use of the word ‘gay’] across the country” ignores what Danielle did. You should keep in mind that Bravo also spread standing up and defending others across the country. Bravo has been very good at putting gay and lesbian Americans into popular culture in ways that often (though not always) show us as real people, and I applaud them and Danielle for taking a firm stand against hurtful language.

  • Frank

    Sorry but Danielle is a NUT…I am gay and the word gay being used to denote something gay they way Teresa’s husband did, did not offend me. It’s a figure of speech…I am not saying it’s the best choice of words, but seriously people, it ain’t that deep! ‘

  • Kay Fierce

    This is so frustating. I’m unable to see this, because it doesn’t work on my location. Whatever that means.
    Can someone produce a transcript, so it is possible for me to know what’s happening?

  • dgz

    yeah, well “the construction business” is a euphemism in Jersey.


    i don’t think that Teresa even realizes how she made the comment worse and worse. “my husband had friends he knew were gay and he *still* hung out with them.”

    i’m glad that Andy Cohen weighed in on that one, hopefully that was a learning experience for those dumb gold-diggers.

  • osocubano

    So, people actually watch this crap, huh?

  • Jeff Chang

    @ Frank

    WHat would be the reaction if you or better yet an African American did something stupid and I commented

    “That’s so frekin NIGGER!”

    Nothing wrong with that right? It’s JUST a figure of speech!

  • Rowen

    @Frank: The word “nigger” is just a word, and “nigger-rigged” used to be a figure of speech. So is/was “I got Jewed/He Jewed me.”

    Yet most people understand that using those words and phrases that way is bound to REALLY offend people. And I’m not talking about Southern Christian Women being offended to hear that non-Christians exist. I’m talking Blacks, Jews, and others being incensed at the perpetuation of stereotypes, that have come with a long history of violence and oppression. The phrase “that’s so gay,” might not have the same impact as “nigger,” but as someone who’s been beaten up on just the suspicion of being gay, it sure has a history of violence for me. And there are plenty of times it gets my blood boiling to hear it used like that.

  • sweetdog

    Or to Mahwah or Ramsey and found some nice Episcopalean mothers, who would only use the word “gay” when singing Christmas carols.

  • Scott in NYC

    A larger issue of it is that Joe directed the “gaylord” term – or whatever ignorant word it was – at someone who could very well have been a gay dance instructor. Or, he was a straight guy who is a good dancer who has to deal with this kind of stuff all the time. Either way, the fact that the vitriol was directed not at Joe for using gay as a pejortative – repeatedly – but at Danielle for blowing the whistle speaks volumes of how objective the rest of the women on the show can and often are. Not very.

  • geoff

    The “gay” remark aside, sorry, but I fucking love this show. I don’t remember when such a ridiculous TV show has entertained me so much.

  • rick

    everytime i see the words NEW JERSEY all i can think of is det. lenny briscoe standing there watching them dig up mob hits and saying, now you know why they call it the garden state.

  • DeAnimator

    How sad is it when Danielle is the voice of reason?

  • Bitch, please!

    @FRANK: How much of that “coping tool” do you have to take each day to be that dead inside? For the last time, let us all (gays, straights, bis, and whoever else) look at what the word is used for these days. It is ALWAYS used when expressing something as BAD, LAME, LESS THAN DESIRABLE, WEAK, “ABNORMAL”, and the list goes on… So how is it NOT offensive?!

  • Bitch, please!

    Obviously, I meant the connotation in which it is used by homophobic, dying-to-get-fucked, ass-twitching “straights”, like that bitch, teresa’s husband.

  • Kyle Y.

    Very interesting that the author of this blog, which chastises the Jersey housewives for using the term “gay” as homophobic slang, is equally as offensive in calling one of the women a “drag queen.” The term is clearly meant to be an insult and a negative comment on her appearance. I thought we were all over this whole “hot tranny-mess” thing already. Way to pick and choose, Queerty.

  • TANK

    New Jersey should change its name to next to new york. That landfill over there. PIlots don’t even announce it on the fly over. They make stuff up rather than panic the passengers. SIck these tacky guidos and their gross bitches.

  • TANK

    LOL! I didn’t know guido was already used to describe this gino. I should have said …nah, that’s going too far.

  • hephaestion

    Nobody on the Real Housewives of Atlanta or New York used “gay” in a negative way.

    The Real Housewives of New Jersey sucked from top to bottom. What was Bravo thinking???

  • Emilio

    She wasn’t creating any “drama.” They are so tragic.

  • Stef

    I don’t really agree with this stance. Yes, those women are absolute retards, but I kind of agree with her (which I guess makes me a retard by association, what can I say…). I don’t think “gay” really is refering to being gay.

    I remember when my best friend (and this isn’t a “oh I have a gay friend” story, my legitimate best friend since we were 8 years old (now 24) that I spend almost every day with) came out last year. We all kinda knew he was gay for the last few years, but when he finally came out, it was a huge relief. But one of the biggest worries we had was that he took all the times we said “that’s so gay” as an offense on him. His response?

    “I say it all the time, and I’m not about to change who I am just because you now all know I like dudes”. So Karl gets it too…when we say “that’s so gay”, it isn’t connected to actual homosexuality or being gay. It’s a different use of the word. And obviously when he says “that’s so gay”, he’s not insulting someone/something by comparing it to himself, right?

    Compare it to the use of the word nigger or whatever, but I definitely disagree with that comparisson. I think of it more of the idea of the word “sick”.

    Sometimes I say “that’s sick” when I think something is pretty cool. It’s just a different use for the term.

    Do I believe the term “that’s so gay” came from the idea that being gay is an insult? Yes. I do believe it originates there. In today’s culture though, I don’t really think it’s used to connect to two, it just held over.

    I’ll be the first to say it – if I offend people when I say “so gay”, I obviously don’t mean to and I’d apologize. I’m 150% pro gay everything. . But I also hate, HATE oversensativity, and I feel like this post is all about oversensativity.

  • Tony

    Danielle called him on his homophobia, so they are not all C—s.

    Just sayin’.

  • Jai

    “But I also hate, HATE oversensativity, and I feel like this post is all about oversensativity.”

    Interesting comment there Stef, but I have to ask… aren’t you being a bit over-sensitive by feeling the need to defend “that’s so gay”? I mean, why is there such a strong need to say that, even if you know that it originally “came from the idea that being gay is an insult”? Oh, but you “that’s so gay” defenders can be all whiny and hyper-sensitive all you want. Us fags, like your friend, should just STFU and take it like medicine. We should just be grateful and that’s that. To hell what we think.

  • Stef


    Ok, no need for some serious hostility there Jai. I never told you “fags”, like my friend, who is not a “fag”, to “STFU and take it like medicine” or that you should be “grateful”. You just got angry with me for something YOU said, not me.

    Strong need to say it? Not at all. My mind is not a gun loaded with the bullets of “that’s so gay” and I’m not trigger happy. But try removing something that is basic in your vocabulary for a day? Have you ever tried going without the word “like” or “so” or “cool”? It’s a phrase I use at times. I don’t actively SEEK to say it, nor do I actively seek NOT to say it. I simply acknowledge the fact that I say it. I was being honest about where my opinion was coming from. Sue me.

    I’m not oversensative about the use of “that’s so gay”. I happened to read this post on this site today and decided to comment. I’m not out championing for the use of the word “gay” as an insult that isn’t associated with homosexuality. I was simply being honest with the fact that i think there’s many people – myself being one of them – who say shit like “that’s so gay” but don’t associate it in the LEAST with homosexuality or being “gay” as it corresponds to homosexuality. I could really care less if you approve of my use of the word or not, to be honest, because I know what I mean by it. So no, I don’t think I’m being oversensative about it. But a post screaming about the ignorance of the use of the phrase “that’s so gay” without any insight to the fact that most people don’t tie the phrase to actual homosexuality, was a little jarring and caught my eye.

    Further, wtf are you talking about that gays should just be grateful? Like I said I’m 150% pro gay everything, and I don’t think gay peope should be “grateful” for anything. Gays don’t have the same rights I do and that’s not something they should be grateful for. And even when they do get those rights (because it WILL happen), it’s not something to be “grateful” for. It’s something that simply should be, not an extra “gift” they should be grateful for.

    Please don’t tell me what my politics are simply because you a.) don’t agree with me on a subject b.) put words in my mouth in order to create an anger toward me and c.) have a very hostle need to yell at me for nooo apparent reason. Thanks.

  • Jake the libertarian

    Don’t any of you queens get tired of being outraged? Jeez, screw ’em. Its just a bunch of rich trashy people who are just trashy enough to get on TV for their trashiness. As for Bravo, they want ratings… Not a medal from HRC.

    Seriously, if you don’t calm down and stop the little temper tantrums every time you see something you don’t like, you will be outraged and miserable forever… Personally I laugh at white trash like them. They make a nice successful down to earth homo like me look so much better by comparison.

  • Mark

    Please, get over it. Clearly Danielle was making drama out of it and trying to make herself look like this saintly defender of the gay community. “Taking a Stand”? Give me a break, the woman was obviously just making more drama. While Teresa’s husband did use offensive language he hardly comes off as a raging homophobe. All this righteous indignation is pathetic.

  • Jai

    LOL @ Stef!!! Yep, I knew it. Way over-sensitive. *shakes head* That is so friggin’ hetero.

  • Tony

    Using “gay” as a perjorative term is equal to using “black” not the “N” word. Gay is milder than the LGBT “F” word. That said, if anyone compared anything stupid, simple-minded, low budget, etc. to being “black” the roof would come down.

    Yes, Danielle may like drama, but she stood up for da gays. Okaaay. Now leave her alone or I will kick your ass and Dina’s (sadly a reference to the NJ Housewives, for all those who watch these c—-s.)

    Danielle is not a c—t.

  • La Strega

    It’s not very helpful to combat homophobia by using anti-Italian slurs like “Guido” and sexist words like “c–ts.” Lead by example.

  • DeeDee

    $100k in $100 bills, which are currently the largest bills printed is 1,000 bills. He had 1,000 bills in his pocket?

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