The World Is Making Stephen Colbert Gay

We had a weak moment last night and picked up GQ‘s gigantic 50th anniversary edition. And, surprisingly, we’ve enjoyed what we’ve seen thus far, but mostly because it’s a lot of pictures of old covers and former models. Of the words we’ve read – not many – Stephen Colbert’s captured and held our attention. Guess why…

In his special section, “A Field Guide to The Gravest Threats Facing America,” Colbert decries the ever-dangerous homosexual agenda, writing,

Nation, we are at War. If you don’t share my outrage about this, the homosexual agenda has already got you in its velvet grip. Want to know what the other hand is doing? Just use your imagination. You’re probably hinking something pretty steamy, right?… Your little gay fantasy just proves my point. Every single one of us fights a daily battle to suppress the insurgency raging in our loins. It’s a long, hard slog, and we’ve all had the urge to cut and run.

We all know that people in prison engage in homosexual acts, right? Which means that criminals are more likely to be homosexuals. So wouldn’t it save us a lot of tax dollars to simply throw all gay people in prison?

Hmm, that could be the theme for a circuit party…