These Terrible Grindr Tips Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid

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Comedian Mano Agapion’s tips on how to succeed on Grindr have us in mildly uncomfortable stitches.

Clearly tongue-in-cheeck, his “advice” is so brutally on the nose that if you followed it, it might actually get you laid — for the worst possible reasons.

“You need a hot pic of your torso that says ‘I move fast and I don’t respect myself.'” Check.

“Be curt, be dismissive, and by all means, be abusive. It’s important to come off ‘masc,’ and nothing is more masculine than treating strangers like your sexual property.” Check.

Related: Man Tries Convincing Girlfriend That “All Guys” Have Grindr On Their Phones

“Don’t nag people about their status — nothing kills a boner as quickly as responsible questions.” Check.

“Stick to these helpful tips, and you’ll contract an STD in no time.” Does that mean we win?

The video is an offshoot of Mano’s Grindr Diary sketch comedy show in Los Angeles, which is chock full of outrageous Grindr experiences inspired by real-life events (we’ve all been there) — itself an offshoot from Instagram. So 2016.

Mano tells Queerty: “The show is an extension of my Instagram account: Grindr Diary. I started writing the show after accidentally accumulating a handful of insane Grindr experiences.”

Indeed, a quick glance through the feed is rife with comedic potential:

A photo posted by Grindr Diary (@grindrdiary) on

A photo posted by Grindr Diary (@grindrdiary) on

A photo posted by Grindr Diary (@grindrdiary) on

Related: 15 People You’d Never Expect To See On Grindr

He added: “Grindr has changed the rules for dating in the gay world in some ways for the better and some ways for the Goddamn worst. The live show is my love/hate letter to Grindr.”

Check out the video below, and head here for more info on the show: