We love it when YouTube comic Michael Henry challenges us to think about some of the things gay men do.
His latest video offers fewer punchlines and poses more of a moral quandary. Or is it all a question of good manners?
In the film, he’s seen shooting a video with two friends. After they finish, one friend—a buff guy with muscles—hugs Michael and gives his chest hair an admiring rub before walking away. When his other friend—without the muscles—does exactly the same, a clearly uncomfortable Michael chastises him for being too touchy-feely.
The friend, offended, points out that he’s done nothing more than the other guy did: Why was it OK for one friend to do it but not him?
Michael says he’s the only one who can decide who he wants touching him. But is the friend right to feel a little offended?
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Many viewers have chipped in with their thoughts, acknowledging that what might feel comfortable with one friend may not be so comfortable with another.
“It’s not really about hotness in most cases, there’s just… like, a vibe?,” said one on YouTube. “You know, something that clicks that makes physical contact with a certain friend super comfy and safe and pleasant, while with someone else it just isn’t … it’s just how we’re wired, I think… but definitely not something I’d do on purpose to hurt someone. Your character was definitely bitchy about it though.”
Another, being blunter, said, “Consent given to one person doesn’t immediately apply to everyone in the same area.”
One man shared a heartbreaking story from his own life. “In college, I had a friend. We both came out to each other at the same time. He was my first gay friend. One day afterwards, we were walking with two of our girl friends and we all had to split up. He goes to hug both girls and when I go for a hug he says ‘I don’t hug guy friends.’”
Ouch.
“One of the girls knew about our sexualities,” he continued. “And I wouldn’t have made much of it except I had seen him hug his other guy best friend before (hence why I too went for a hug) and seen him hug random guys at clubs before and after this incident.
“Needless to say, this affected me A LOT and I’d be lying if I said it still doesn’t affect me to this day many many years later. Imagine your first gay friend, the first person you told, telling you this rejecting statement in public in front of others. It really has strained my future friendships with gay men … I NEVER initiate hugs anymore.”
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Another person said both Michael and his friend in the video were correct … in their own way: “YOU indeed get to decide how you feel about being touched by one person versus another person, and how assertive you’re gonna be about it, but HE’s also right and entitled to his opinion about your reaction, especially after him witnessing your reaction to the other guy who touched you exactly the same way. You’re both right.”
A fan of Michael’s said touch was a very tricky subject, and it would have been better if Michael hadn’t responded in the dismissive way he did to his friend.
Michael himself responded to this, saying, “You’re right. It could have been discussed further but I wanted to play the scenario as authentically as possible. And I think if this interaction really did happen, something like this would have transpired. Clunky execution and one person leaving feeling angry and embarrassed and the other feeling like maybe they should have said things differently.”
What do you think?
Ronbo
I watched and didn’t laugh. Hope springs eternal. Gotta support the team.
SamB
What I don’t get is why are they all “social distancing” in the beginning only to hug and close talk before they leave?
radiooutmike
I have tried to like Michael Henry. He is growing on me.
Sure, he gets to choose who touches him. But does not think he is using the buff friend for a cheap thrill? But then won’t hug another friend.
Terrycloth
A screaming queen. Yuck..big turn off. Plus they all open their mouths and purses fall out..no thanks.
Nobody butch in these skits ?
throwslikeagirl
Perhaps you could audition. I have an idea you think of yourself as “butch”. Maybe you could even offer yourself as the barometer. You’d be doing us all a great public service.
barkomatic
In my case, it’s about what kind of relationship I have with the person. If I knew two guys equally well and we were friends I wouldn’t chastise one for hugging or touching me if I literally just allowed another friend to touch me in the same way and welcomed it. I just take as this person wants to feel close to me. However, there is a valid difference if I knew only one of them very well and the one I wasn’t familiar had his hands all over me.
Even so, it’s not going to kill me and I’ve always just shrugged this kinda thing off–unless they start grabbing me in my crotch. As for me, the last thing I want is to make a scene so I’m extremely conservative about who I touch and in what context. I’m getting older and am just assume that no one wants to have physical contact with me unless they make the first move.
This was a good skit and it makes for a really interesting conversation. Michael Henry is a talented and funny guy.
cubcmh
This is a hypocritical truth: two people do exactly the same thing, and we support / allow the behavior from one and condemn the other.
They are both right – and wrong.
Michael has the right to determine who/how/when someone has physical contact of any kind with him. But he’s still a hypocrite, because – based on the (overt) subtext of the scenario – he has made the decision based on looks.
The friend shouldn’t assume he can touch Michael in the same way as the buff guy. But Michael’s reaction *is* a form of rejection, and as a human being, he has the right to feel his feels – to be hurt or offended, etc.
Tad
Just my opinion, but I find absolutely nothing appealing about Michael Henry, nor do I understand why he’s even taken seriously by anybody. He’s a bad caricature of a schlubby, affected gay guy and this whole story seems more of his self-promoting contrivance. Enough, already!
bumblebum
I support your thoughts
resl
He used to be funny and even cute. I laughed my arse off when he did ‘Am I a twink’?? Then he jumped on the political bandwagon, got preachy and unfunny. Sad. Now he caters to the lowest common denominator of the gay community.
AZ71
I like Michael Henry. He touches on subjects no other comedian does that is part of the gay community. No, not all of the segments are funny…but they dont have to be. He always has a deeper point to be made. I think he’s great. Keep at it.
bumblebum
You like him, becuz you identify with him, others do not
bumblebum
I’ve been in this situation of physical touch, but have never, ever had to qualify the attention. This is completely concocted by this queer comedian to evoke something he feels, or wants us to believe he is in, so this is for his own benefit for us to think he’s hot from the hairy chest (like possibly be the butch).., oh my gawd-dah
bumblebum
I, my gay friends and straight friends, both male and female hug when we gather and leave an event… we can only be hurt if we have feelings for the person that rejects the hugs or touching
Jim
Your body your choice, but geez someone is kinda selective. More going on here. I remember thinking when I was with a group that I wanted to hug some good by and others not. So I decided not to hug anyone.
Don’t be a jerk. Think about your actions.
bachy
Whatever became of the handshake? It’s the more subdued manner of touching/signaling trust and rapport. I really don’t think it’s necessary to subject others to a melodramatic, full body clinch unless they’re going off to war and you’re concerned you may never see them again.