What Did House Democrats’ Secret Gay Rights Meeting Accomplish?


Legislators crowding around in a secret meeting? Deep inside Washington’s power brokering comes word that top House Democrats met yesterday to discuss gay rights legislation. And just what were they focusing on?

All but the Defense of Marriage Act, it appears. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi led the meeting (which included The Three Gays, Barney Frank, Tammy Baldwin, and Jared Polis) to plot gay rights strategy, including health care benefits for federal employees in same-sex relationships, passing ENDA (Frank introduced a bill this week, as expected), and repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

Mums the word since the meeting adjourned, relays Roll Call, but Frank insists “Democrats are in a very good place.” He also reveals that his trans-inclusive ENDA has the votes to pass, with five Republicans signing on board. Meanwhile, ENDA and federal health care benefits may be packaged into one bill. There is no report that repealing DOMA was discussed. But it all signals the legislators are making good on their promise to keep the ball rolling.

That top Congressional Democrats are (finally) meeting to find out how to pass these bills is excellent news. It’s also good news that we’re hearing about it; don’t think it’s an accident that news of Pelosi & Co. confabbing leaked out.

When it comes to our personal curiosity, meanwhile, we’ve got our eyes cast in one particular direction: toward Illinois Sen. Roland Burris.

Despite being in the clear with criminal perjury charges, Burris still faces an ethics committee inquiry over whether he properly disclosed ties to then-Gov. Rod Blagojevich, all of which could get in the way of his 2010 re-election campaign. Burris has revealed himself to be, in many ways, a gay rights ally, calling for the repeal of DADT at Chicago’s Gay Pride. And throughout his political career, Burris has made no secret of his support for hate crimes protections for gays, anti-discrimination measures, and HIV/AIDS funding. He is not, however, a same-sex marriage supporter. Still branded with a scarlet letter by many Democrats for his Blagojevich entanglement, who knows how much support Pelosi and The Three Gays will look to him for. But it appears he’s willing to provide it.

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  • Cam

    SO all it took were threates to boycott their fundraisers and SUDDENLY we get movement on gay rights issues. Of course these folks meeting means nothing unless they do something. Which so far looking at their actions doesn’t seem overly likely.

  • John K.

    @Cam: Exactly, fuck meetings! No money until the shit gets passed!

  • InExile

    Once again, too little too late. How could they leave out DOMA in their discussion? THEY ARE NOT HEARING US IS WHY! THEY STILL DO NOT HEAR US!

  • Fitz

    I think that they are BEGINNING to hear us. No one thought that the fags would actually stand up for themselves. they thought we were easily satisfied with a few bones (no pun intended) like sick leave and long term disability insurance. And a Museum directorship. Ha. Well, this shows that our yelling CAn work. KEEP UP the letters and rants.

  • galefan2004

    I know no one will want to hear this, but I honestly believe that we have a better chance of repealing DADT and passing ENDA if DOMA is still in place. DOMA and marriage is the last thing we really want to work on. The mainstream religious right is less likely to get overly involved with ENDA and DADT than it is with marriage equality. So, get the hate crimes legislation passed, get ENDA passed, get DADT replaced with legislation that stops homosexuality as being a category for discharges then the only thing that is left is marriage and DOMA should be repealed on the grounds that it infringes on state’s rights as the last act. Marriage itself should be left up to the states until the majority of the states have gay marriage, but federal benefits should be given to gay/lesbian couples in states that allow gay/lesbian marriage and eventually with held from all couples in states that don’t allow gay/lesbian marriage.

  • osocubano

    How do we know they weren’t playing poker?

  • blacknightukalba

    Words are as if canyfloss.
    Deeds reveal the heart.

  • blacknightukalba


    Words are as if candyfloss.
    Deeds reveal the heart.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: You are very wrong about DOMA being the last thing we need to work on. Removal of DOMA will be tough and the fight needs to start now that the President clearly stated he wants to work on repealing DOMA. If we wait, we miss the chance to capitalize on the Presidents campaign promises as well as the promise he made a few days ago. DOMA makes all of our partners strangers to us in the eyes of the law, we need our relationships recognized legally. I really do not understand why so many in the gay community are satisfied with just asking for a few rights instead of all of them.

  • KD108

    @galefan2004: THANK YOU! At least someone here understands strategy… we need to get all the stuff that the most people are ok with (and fundies don’t make nearly as much fuss about) passed and then really go to work on DOMA since that’s going to be a hard one because of people’s ingrained attitudes about their precious institution of marriage. I feel that for a lot of people DADT and ENDA are about fair treatment while DOMA seems more about equating same-sex relationships to heterosexual ones which just blows their fragile little heterosexist minds. DOMA definitely has more of a chance to pass if it’s from a “states rights” stand point and (possibly) an “equal protection for couples already married in states that allow it” perspective instead of a “equality of all relationships same-or-opposite-sex!” stance.

  • REBELComx

    DOMA should be worked on at the same time as everything else, if not before. DOMA demeans our relationships, and our relationships is how our community is defined. If the Federal government cannot recognize our relationships as equal to others, how can we expect them to treat individuals within the community with any less contempt? Until the federal government can agree that we ARE the same as everyone else in our relationships and our ability to handle a family, how can it recognize our value as individuals? By repealing DOMA first, we would establish a viable grounds from which to fight for all our other rights.

  • InExile

    @REBELComx:I agree, the fight must start now to repeal DOMA. DOMA makes out partners strangers to us in the eyes of the law. Doma makes us unable to sponsor our foreign born partners for citizenship. DOMA makes us pay higher income taxes and if we cover our partners with health insurance, our partners have to claim that coverage as income. The 1,200 federal rights could help more people than any other legislation, we need to push for everything.

  • DuttyBarb

    Why are you people steadfastly missing the point? I mean c’mon you might be gay but you aren’t completely defected mentally.

    DOMA is not going anywhere soon. They are just placating you to shut up for now. Do you think the anti gay side is asleep? This is going to be a bigger slap than the DOJ( well written) defense of DOMA.

    If you don’t believe me watch the chain of events from now on..

  • InExile

    @DuttyBarb: GO TO HELL!

  • cayuga

    I for one think we need to really organize and elect a new gay leader in congress. Is there anyone out there? Barney Frank is used to carrying the torch, but the flame went out years ago.

  • Geoff M

    All their talk is worthless, just like the President. When it comes to gay rights legislation/progress, I’ll believe it when I see it. Until then it’s worthless.

  • craigers

    @galefan2004: You are right! Strategy is most important part in passing any legislation. How do you think the right wing has done so much damage? Strategy. The right wing didn’t push DOMA at just any old time, they pushed it when Clinton was under pressure for re-election. Strategy.
    As well, yes I am in a long term relationship, but I understand that things like ENDA and hate crimes legislation help the ENTIRE community, not just those of us in a long term relationship. As far as I’m concerned marriage shouldn’t have even been fought until we had more action on national civil rights like ENDA, hate crimes, ect. Perhaps a national gay civil rights legislation would have been a better use of our energy.
    Please, no flames screaming that I am against gay marriage, I’ll march, fight, scream, whatever, for our rights, ALL of them. I just think we need to use our heads and have some strategy.

  • Cam

    @craigers: you said “@galefan2004: You are right! Strategy is most important part in passing any legislation. How do you think the right wing has done so much damage? Strategy. The right wing didn’t push DOMA at just any old time, they pushed it when Clinton was under pressure for re-election.”

    the problem is, Clinton acted like the Dem’s now and signed DOMA even though he was around 16 points ahead in the polls. And galefan2004, My only problem with the “Save DOMA til last” strategy is that all the OTHER rights can somewhat be negated by DOMA still existing. for example, OBama giving some health coverage to federal employees is negated by the fact that DOMA won’t let the majority of health benefits be granted….Gays can marry in several states, but DOMA prevents any of the federal benefits of marriage be granted….ENDA can get passed and in court an attorney could argue that DOMA means they do not have to grant insurance etc… to any gay employees parnter even if the state mandates it. I understand strategy, but I feel that we had enough of that with the Clinton administration and all “Strategy” means to the Democrats is that anytime anybody gets upset about gay rights they back down. Just my two cents.

  • InExile

    @Cam: Yes, strategy would be fine if we had democrats that we were sure would follow through on their promises, but we don’t. The democrats are still acting like they are the minority, Just look at the way the universal health care debate is going. President Obama opened a window for us saying he would “work with congress” on repeal of DOMA, we would be foolish to not use this opportunity. The most difficult part will be getting congress to act, they need to be pushed hard.

  • KD108

    @Cam: ENDA is about preventing discrimination in hiring and firing based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression, NOT about benefits packages and whether or not they’re taxed so bringing up DOMA is moot in regard to that. If anything we should ALL be pushing for a PUBLIC OPTION in health care legislation so that our partners can receive care even if our private employers can’t give it to us without it being taxed (or if we decide to remain unmarried). Focusing on DADT, Hate Crimes, and ENDA are the way to go now because those are battles we can win. We aren’t trying to win the acceptance of the masses through legislation, we’re trying to get the rights we deserve and right now since there are so many loud conservatives against it, repealing DOMA is going to be a harder battle than the rest of the legislation. Not to mention that the other legislation benefits unpaired individuals as well, and chances are repealing DOMA will only really help queers living in states where their unions are recognized. People can accept us as individuals who need to be protected under the law, they just get all up in arms when it comes to recognizing our families… that fight is worth fighting, but we need the ones we can win a bit easier out of the way so we can really dig in and focus our energies on DOMA… “Strategy” isn’t a dirty word you know…

  • SM

    The DOJ is speaking out on Hate Crimes Legislation now. You all need this passed. It protects you and puts you in a suspect class. Once a Federal Law like that is passed, start taking an axe to DOMA. You all just need ONE Federal Law passed…just one and its over for the other side.

    It’s called Strategy :)

  • InExile

    @KD108: Repeal of DOMA would also help those of us living in exile in foreign countries, get our lives back. You tend to look at the repeal of DOMA a little differently when you have lost your house, career, friends, family, and the city you called home for 25 years because your 14 year relationship is not recognized by our government. Having to choose between your country and your partner is not only cruel, it is wrong.

  • KD108

    @InExile: I’m not saying repealing DOMA won’t help anyone and we shouldn’t even bother with it at all. I’m just saying that the most popular bills with the majority of the country focus on DADT, Hate Crimes and Employment Non-Discrimination. Changes to immigration law to allow legally partnered people to get citizenship or visas for their non-citizen partners is an important issue and DOMA would be a step in getting that passed, but for partners who are already married, changes to the immigration codes alone would probably have the same effect. My point is that the best course of action is to get the things that people are most likely for (DADT, ENDA and Hate Crimes) passed so we can seem more like full citizens and not repealing DOMA will make even less sense. Those bills benefit the most people in our community on top of being likely easier to pass than DOMA and they would be the most strategically advantageous things to focus our energies on right now.

    I fully believe that DOMA is discriminatory, hurtful to our relationships and it needs to be repealed. I would love to marry my partner of 3 years (in my home state of MD) and if she were a non-national I would be devastated if I had to lose my home and leave my country in order to be with her. We need to push for ALL of our rights and we need to keep pushing for the repeal of DOMA, I just feel that it would be easier to do so if we can manage to get legislation passed our way on DADT, ENDA and Hate Crimes.

  • Mark Snyder

    I take offense to the term hate crimes protections, as hate crimes laws do not protect anyone – they only increase jail sentences. A lot of good that does.

  • Mark Snyder

    @SM: Hate crimes do nothing to protect us from violence on the streets. I stand with the Sylivia Rivera Law Project, Queers for Economic Justice and other brave organizations against hate crimes laws which so often are actually used against minority communities.

  • InExile

    @KD108: Well supposedly ENDA and Mathew Sheppard Act are in the works as well as DADT. The curious thing is the Mathew Sheppard Act was supposed to be moved on, now they are saying not until August. Barney Frank has introduced ENDA legislation but how long will that debate go on when it was just introduced yesterday? The Uniting American Families Act as well as Immigration reform (CIR) looks like it is dead in the water this year.

    My point is that our window of opportunity is closing, we have about 16 months left until the next election cycle starts. The longer these issues are delayed, the less chance we have of seeing them passed. The other issues have some momentum while DOMA has just started getting attention, we need to keep that momentum going. I fully agree that by passing the other issues it will make the DOMA repeal easier.

  • kevin57

    As critical as DOMA is for many, I agree that the political wisdom of progressivism needs to be respected. I suspect that States will continue to pile into the marriage equality bandwagon so, then, the feds can noddingly approve of their wisdom.

  • schlukitz


    (screams) They didn’t like me – They never liked me. You saw the way things were – the way they were going

    Riff Raff – The Rocky Horror Show

  • schlukitz


    they thought we were easily satisfied with a few bones (no pun intended)

    So, one could say then, that we gays have become a bone of contention? (pun intended)

  • schlukitz


    @DuttyBarb: GO TO HELL!

    Judging from her crazed rants, I suspect she is already in her own private one. ;o)

  • Cam

    @KD108: You said “@Cam: ENDA is about preventing discrimination in hiring and firing based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression, NOT about benefits packages and whether or not they’re taxed so bringing up DOMA is moot in regard to that. ”

    What I am saying is that in a court of law an Attorney can argue that by the Federal government legislating discrimination against gays, that ENDA comes into conflict with the Federal governments intention and the proof of that is DOMA. I’m not saying that that particular argument would win, however, if that attorney is arguing before say…the 4th circut federal court in Virginia, they could agree with them, that then sets a precedent that ENDA need not be followed closely. This is the dirty little secret of congress, they will sit back and pass laws that conflict and then wait for the courts to get the blame when the court makes a decision based on Congresses inability to set clear tones.


    Fuck DADT, ending DOMA is top priority and not one drop blood of gay blood need be spilled in protecting the Constitution via military service until we are protected fully under it!!!

  • KD108

    @Cam: I can see your argument but that’s really reaching… DOMA is discriminatory against same-sex couples and legal recognition of their relationships, not same sex individuals and particularly related to employment. Arguing that not recognizing someone’s relationship is grounds for discriminating against them in employment is quite a jump, not a surprising jump for conservatives, but a jump nonetheless. Not to make the two the same, but that would be like arguing that since interracial marriage was illegal in 1964, and implied that the races weren’t equal, that the civil-rights act of 1964 outlawing segregation shouldn’t be enforced, which would be ludicrous.

    Also, in the case of Virginia they already have sexual-orientation protections for State employees so it might make it a little harder for a court there to justify discrimination based on a completely unrelated federal law in a private sector case which ENDA covers.

    I think DOMA needs to be repealed, we need to work for its repeal, and it will be repealed, likely before any ridiculous cases against ENDA using DOMA as a precedent for discrimination would be able to take place.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: I’m not wrong about DOMA being the last thing we need to work on and here is why. Although I completely and utterly respect the rights of gays and lesbians to get married, the majority of the country sees this as our most controversial issue. When you lead with the most controversial issue you will turn people off to the issues that are not as controversial by default. Therefore, get the easy lifting (DADT/ENDA) out the way and then go after DOMA. Lifting the heavier stuff first (DOMA) is going to leave a lot of tired ass congressmen when it comes to the lighter load.

  • galefan2004

    @REBELComx: OUR RELATIONSHIPS IS NOT HOW OUR COMMUNITY IS DEFINED!!! That would be like saying, lets kick that dude out of the club because hes single or just likes to sleep around. That is bogus. What defines us is that we like the same sex. Relationships really have nothing to do with that. Some people want to have these long lasting relationships, some people want to sleep around, and some, while being attracted to men, are content to not sleep around or be in long lasting relationships.

    Personally, I’m in the last category. However, I don’t want to be discriminated against because of my orientation, and that personally makes ENDA/DADT more important to me. However, I didn’t say we shouldn’t work on DOMA. I just don’t think its going to take that long to get ENDA and DADT finished off. I say in the next year they will be done. DOMA will then be worked on after that. I know it sucks for those of you out there that want to marry your partners, but the second we try to work on them all together we play right into the hands of the religious right who will counter DOMA repeal while working against DADT repeal and ENDA.

  • galefan2004

    @DuttyBarb: I think the anti-gay side is dead. They don’t have to be asleep. The vast majority of this country is either in favor of gay rights or indifferent. The mormon church is fighting at a state level, but once you bring them to a national level not even they have the money to persuade people to change their minds. All I can think is it has to be very lonely for you, when I first started on the internet (12 years ago) every gay chat room and forum had at least 3-5 regular trolls. Today, the straight forum troll community seems to be represented by you. I would feel bad for you if you weren’t a bigoted cunt because was get our rights to live our lives you lose your reason for living yours. Sucks to be you.

  • galefan2004

    @Cam: You should read ENDA more carefully. ENDA itself states that an employer doesn’t have to give health care to a gay/lesbian partner of their employee if its anything like how it was worded last time (which I doubt it has changed much). Yes, DOMA blocks health care and ENDA states it does nothing to go against that, but I would much rather see a guy in a small town get a job instead of worry about rather his partner will get health care from his non-existent job.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: I’m going to be an asshole and you are going to hate me, but honestly, why is it that your partner can’t apply for citizenship, get on the list and take the test just like everyone else. Is it fair that they should have to do this when a quickie wedding in Las Vegas gives someone full citizenship as long as they stay with that person for three years or more? Fuck no. However, you got two choices. You can either stay in that country, which is a choice you made, for your partner, or you can get your partner to apply for citizenship and get it without getting married. While I feel for you, and I think your situation is completely unfair, I also feel for those people that can’t get a job in a small town because the employers there won’t hire them without them being in the closet.

  • galefan2004

    @Mark Snyder: I completely support the Mathew Shepard Act. You are wrong about what it does by the way. The real point of it is that it gives federal jurisdiction to any case that the state/county refuses to process simply because the victim is a minority. Apparently, you have been lucky and never been kicked out of the police station after being a victim of a crime simply because you are gay. However, for all those gay men out there that have this law needs to pass. You seem extremely misinformed as I was, I mean I don’t think that people think about punishment when they do crime, so I don’t think giving them harsher punishment is really a deterrent. However, giving the federal authorities the right to take over and work cases that the state/county won’t touch is huge.

  • galefan2004

    @TADPOLICUS WEX: You fail sir. You fail very hard at understanding why DADT is important. When people join the military to serve their country they do despite the fact that they are gay not because of it. They chose their country over their orientation. I’m willing to bet that when most of us are pushed we do the same thing. I know I’m gay, but I also know that I would fight and die for my country if needed.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: He has been entering the Visa lottery every year for the last 16 years. He lived in the US for 15 years as a reporter on a work visa. You do not just “apply for citizenship”, immigration is not McDonalds! Try reading on before you speak!

    And you are right, you ARE AN ASSHOLE and an idiot!!!

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: The fact is, its an issue I care nothing about, so I don’t bother to educate myself about it. Seriously, if I had to chose between my piece of ass and my country I wouldn’t chose my piece of ass. However, more power to you for making the choices you made. You already thought I was an asshole and an idiot, so this isn’t news to me that you think of me that way now.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: Obviously no one has ever loved you for 14 years, so you would not understand! Guess you have a lot of work to do on yourself personally!

    It is a pity to be so self loathing that you cannot have any empathy for other gay people struggling in this lack of equality enviroment. One day it will happen to you and you will wake up, maybe not in the immigration area but another.

    Once again, you are right, you are an asshole and an idiot. Why don’t you go join the ranks of Jesse Helms, you are no better.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: You assume that the reason I’m single is because of anything other than my own choice. Thanks for your opinion. However, you are wrong. I choose to be single. I am to selfish for a relationship. I don’t believe in compromise. I don’t believe in love. Love is just a way of convincing someone to give you something that you want. It is a tool used to persuade people to act in your best interests instead of their own.

    I have sympathy for others. I just don’t have sympathy for someone that plays the victim card. The fact is that you chose to stay in another country instead of leave your partner. You can’t blame anyone else for that choice. I already said that its an unfair choice, but don’t try to play the victim when that is the choice you made. I’ve already faced discrimination on a daily basis, hell I’m from small town Ohio, but I don’t play the victim because of it.

    Jesse Helms is a closed minded bigot. I’m not. I just get tired of people trying to play the victim card. I support same sex marriage legislation, but I care more about DADT and ENDA. DOMA doesn’t affect me, so I don’t care as much about it.

  • schlukitz


    Jebus, galefan, you come off sounding more anti-gay and hateful than DuttyBarb…and that takes some doing.

    In another post, you commented that it is was unlikely that you’d be in a relationship in this life and that you were too selfish to give any of your rights in a relationship.

    Boy, did you ever just prove not only your selfishness, but your complete lack of concern or the feelings of your fellow brothers and sisters when you made the tackey comment about choosing between your piece of ass and your country. That was way over the top and said a lot about what you are…and what you are not.

    I take your thoughtless and unfeeling comment as a personal insult and as such, I feel obliged to call you on it because I too am one of those people who is involved in a same-sex, bi-national relationship, like some 40,000 other couples who cannot bring their partners into the US, like straight people can, though no fault of their own.

    To say that you care nothing about this issue is as mean-spirited and hurtful as saying that you care nothing about the gays who are being murdered in Iraq, Iran and other parts of the world. You sound so very much like that jerk from Canada the other day, who went on his “I’m very happy, so fuck you and your rights” rant at those of us who are struggling to obtain equality for all Americans, in whatever form it takes.

    Like InExile, I too have felt the sting and heartbreak of so-called gay friends that I have known and associated with for many years saying essentially the same thing you just said to him. In my case, they were uttered by gay men who had let themselves go to pot by eating too much, drinking too much, doing too many drugs and settling for sloppy seconds with the husbands of their so-called best friends who also proudly announced they did not want to get married and could not understand why anyone else should want to. Funny thing is, I cannot ever recall anyone breaking their doors down to ask for their hand in marriage. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, apparently.

    You sound very much to me like one of those sad, disillusioned and self-neglected gays I just spoke of who have given up on not only themselves but on life itself. You hate those who are willing to reach out in love to others, no matter what the odds might be. You know nothing about love. You know nothing about commitment. You know nothing about sacrifice. You know nothing about understanding and know nothing about empathy. Yet you spout-off on many of the posters on these threads as you are an authority on everything like some smart-Alec, know-it-all.

    The sad fact is, you don’t even have a clue, dude!

    You sound just like one of those sad people, Galefan.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: You win, you are a sick, self absorbed queen. Continue to hate yourself and enjoy it!!!

  • galefan2004

    I haven’t given up on myself or my life. I just don’t think that you need someone else in your life to be happy. However, if you notice I prefaced every single comment with saying how unfair it really is. Its just not a cause I am going to champion. While I feel for you, and I do believe in marriage equality and I do believe that you should have the right to bring your partner to the US, it is not a cause I will ever be directly affected by.

    I never said I hated anyone. I don’t hate those that believe in love. Its their choice to believe in love. I just personally don’t believe in it. That should be respected as my choice.

    What I said was over the top. I knew it as soon as I said it. It wasn’t appropriate. I shouldn’t have said it. I apologize to all those out there that are going through it. Although I have personal issues with who I said it to, it was still inappropriate to say.

    In regards to the people in Iraq and Iran. I don’t feel bad for people when my country is at war with them. They are the enemy. If they want their rights then they need to stand up and take them like the people in my country have for the last 200+ years. All I have ever said, is that the United States has no duty to get involved in the affairs of countries that are not our own. I stand by that.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: Thank you for your opinion. However, I don’t hate myself. I just don’t think that love is needed to be happy. If you do, then more power to you.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: Love is needed, I love myself most of all! Oh, and I am happy ! Thanks for your concern.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: I’m glad that you are happy. I’m sorry you can’t bring your partner to this country I truly am. I’m also sorry for being a total asshole about it.

    I honestly didn’t know how citizenship worked in this country because (at the risk of sounding like an asshole again) I was born here and I have never actually had to worry about it. I honestly didn’t know it was that difficult to get citizenship in this country. You are right, I was an idiot.

    I really hope that DOMA does get repealed in the next few years. I don’t support DOMA. Its hard for me because while I support the repeal of DOMA and the extension of all rights to gays and lesbians, I am worried that fighting for that cause now in this country could dampen the other causes we are fighting for. Marriage is the number one thing that people don’t want us to have.

    That puts you in a bad situation, and I don’t find that as acceptable. You have the right to live in this country with your partner. My stupidity in calling your partner nothing more than a piece of ass was absolutely unacceptable. No matter what my personal issues with you are, and this is not the start of them (they actually stem from yesterday when you implied that because my best friend is not exactly gay friendly that I must be a self-hating homosexual that isn’t worthy to shine the boots of more self-respecting gay men), what I said to you was still completely over the top.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: Thank you.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: I appreciate your honesty. Best of luck to you.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: I appreciate you thanking me, but honestly, I acted like a total fucking asshat. Seriously, I should know when to run my mouth and when not to. I didn’t mean to be so stupid on the matter. I honestly didn’t know that it was that hard for someone to get citizenship in this country. I mean, where I come from we have so many illegal aliens that I just assumed that it can’t be that difficult. Thank you for opening my eyes on this matter. I understand where you are coming from much more clearly on DOMA. I stand for marriage equality. I understand how frustrating it can be to see our rights stripped away.

    It wasn’t to long ago that my state told me to go fuck myself when it came to ever being able to marry anyone I love with a 75% to 25% margin. I think part of me just shut myself down that day when it comes to the whole love thing. You see, its much easier for me to say things like I don’t believe in love than to say that I have a fear that I will never be able to marry who I love, so I don’t even bother falling in love in the first place. Its kind of sad (although after my stupidity directed at you I don’t expect you to see me as anything other than a hypocrite when I play the victim card) because I always was one of those that wanted to grow up and save myself for marriage. When I was a kid I believed very strongly in marriage. Instead I grew up and became a slut. I am not proud of the way that I behaved sexually in college. After college, I just sort of shut myself down, because I really do want to be in love with the next person I have sex with, and its pretty hard to do that when you have issues regarding love.

    Anyways, I apologize for unloading all of my frustration onto you in a way that makes me sound like a total jack ass.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: Don’t give up on love! I’m not saying to look for it either as that is looking for (trouble), let it find you. Until then be patient and do not worry about it. This is the approach I took and it worked. Loving yourself first is the key. Don’t worry about the jerks out there because years from now, you will not remember them.

    Life is tough and we all need each other these days to win this battle for equality.

  • TANK

    Check out this fucking love connection above me.

  • alan brickman


  • galefan2004

    @InExile: Thank you for educating me about the UAFA. I was idiotically uneducated about it before. I went to the website, and that story of the mother is simply heartbreaking. I wrote to my congressman, and I plan on meeting with him later this year to sit down and talk about some of these issues. Although I put many hours of volunteer work into his campaign, this will be the first time I really pressed him on gay issues. Thankfully, so far he has a spotless voting record when it comes to voting for equality. I just wanted you to know that this is now an issue that I am completely behind. Reading that story brought an even newer perspective and made me feel even more stupid. I don’t sit back when I believe something should happen, so I am looking forward to doing all in my power to make the UAFA pass as soon as possible.

  • galefan2004

    @TANK: Its ok Tank, I still want you inside me too. JUST KIDDING!

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: UAFA looks like it is dead in the water until next year, DOMA is the next best thing.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: I’m going to show ignorance again, but how exactly is DOMA going to really help the cause? Don’t you still need UAFA? I mean, just because you remove DOMA doesn’t suddenly mean you have immigration rights does it? I mean, don’t they still have to pass the immigration rights separately anyways?

    As far as being dead, I can imagine that many things look to be dead, but this year still has some major time left. Perhaps if we can get a few more fires lit under a few more asses it will be resuscitated. If not, I’m completely behind supporting it next year.

  • Raymond S. Decelles-Smith

    For us, it is clear. NO DOMA, and no MARRIAGE EQUALITY law, NO MONEY AND NO VOTES for Democrats, or whatever those DINO Blue Dogs want to call themselves.

    We are dual nationals, and we have no choice, given a real family to raise, to live in Canada rather than the United States.
    We still have a home in MA, but with gays like Frank holding the seniority in station and years in Congress, you don’t need any enemies outside the family. The only reason that they want to give the GLBT a fraction of rights is that they are homophobic.

    American gays should not open the GAY ATM to either the Democrats or GAY INC. They want to give you part of the pie so that some will fight other parts of the community. Divide and conquer is the strategy.

  • Brian

    @InExile: I have been reading all of these comments back and forth and I am stunned by your insistance that DoMA is the most important thing to be woking on. I disagree. The votes are not even close to there to get it repealed. Go ahead and wave your magic wand. See if it goes away. The Democrats have had a strategy since January when Obama took office. I am willing to bet that Hate Crimes is coming first then ENDA and then Uniting Familes Act, the then the repeal of DADT. Those will be done by the end of 2010. At the beginning of Obamas 2nd term is when we will get to DoMA. Also, I must point out and others have, repeal of DOMA does NOTHING for a majority of the LGBT community. The other legislation benefits all of us.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: DOMA being repealed opens up federal rights which includes immigration. Therefore, if you are married in another country, or in a marriage equality state, you would be able to sponsor a foreign born partner.

  • InExile

    @Brian: I did NOT say DOMA is the MOST important issue. I just pointed out we have promises from the President, why waste that and ignore DOMA repeal? And DO NOT count on Obama’s second term, it might not happen.


    @galefan2004: Actually, I am a human being first. I identify with my community first. And yes, I identify with my sexuality first. All because we live in a repressed, nearly theocratic country in which we live for the hope of scraps (DADT-ENDA). I will be proud to be an American and will consider defending it the day I fully experience the same rich experience denied to so many off us. If you get in my way to securing the rights for my loved ones in this brave no revolution I will have no trouble spilling your blood however. Our community needs to be united and traitors need be purges as do trolls.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: The UAFA was doing well as a stand alone, then a bill was introduced in the house including provisions to include all families other than LGBT and streamline the immigration process a couple weeks ago. At that point the Latino community weighed in and some organizations within that community refused to back the bill if LGBT citizens were included fearing it would stop passage of the bill. The Catholics also weighed in against the bill if LGBT people were included fearing it would open the door to gay marriage. So with all this hoopla now they are saying all immigration issues will be pushed to next year.

    Immigration Equality has been trying to pass UAFA for 10 years. Now there are more cosponsors in the house (113) and the senate (20) than ever before but bi-national couples are a minority within a minority, at the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing for UAFA several weeks ago only three Senators showed up Senator Patrick Leahy and Senator Arlen Specter for the measure, Senator Jeff Sessions against.

  • galefan2004

    @Raymond S. Decelles-Smith: I respect your feelings. However, personally, I’m not about to turn off the support for the congressman I supported in the last 2 elections that has voted the right way on every gay issue in the last 4 years simply because the DNC didn’t back marriage equality. I’m a realist, while I realize that my congressman will most likely get on board with his vote, I realize that he is an enigma (a Democrat congressman in a Republican district) and considering the fact that this area is known for its close minded views and bigotry its amazing that he is as supportive as he is.

    @InExile: Wont it take DOMA repeal and legislation to extend all national benefits to same sex couples in order for immigration rights to be extended? Personally, I see it being more likely that the UAFA act will pass in the next four years than that DOMA will be repealed and legislation to extend benefits will be passed.

    @TADPOLICUS WEX: Good thing I’m not getting in the way of your rights. I actually agree with your stance. What I didn’t agree with is your call for no gay/lesbian people to enter the military. They obviously disagree with your stance, and they have the right to do that. If they feel that they want to serve their country then I don’t feel that I have a right to criticize them even if they are willing to do it under DADT (although that policy should be over turned).

    @InExile: In a democracy, it should be the rights of the minority that we worry about. This country is so backwards in knowing what it takes to be an actual democracy.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: Repeal of DOMA or UAFA would open up immigration rights for same sex couples. UAFA is just the addition of 3 words to present immigration law “or permanent partner” regarding sponsorship. DOMA may or may not be more difficult to pass since our politicians tend to avoid anything touching immigration, time will tell.

    When I write my representatives, I ask them to address all the issues DADT, ENDA, DOMA, Mathew Sheppard Act, and UAFA because all are important. It is time for our politicians to act on our behalf, 40 years of waiting is long enough. We have historically always been told “now is not a good time”, for LGBT rights, justice delayed is no justice at all.

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: In the eyes of politicians, there will never be a good time for gay rights, so now is just as good as any.

  • Raymond S. Decelles-Smith

    Either some of you are young, or having lived in MA for only a few congressional House terms, but I am 63 years old native of the Commonwealth. I have been an activist in politics since the days that I was a page in the MA General Court during college – two years in the House and two years in the Senate. I started in 1967 at the age of 21. I was Mattachine Society and Gay Liberation Front before migrating to the Anita Bryant controversies, ACT UP and the MA Equality battles. In short, I have been a gay activist for over 40 years. I have the same partner, who is now my legal husband on a state level, since 1976, and Toronto in 2003. We have a six year old son.

    I know political triangulation and betrayal when I smell it. First of all, the DINO, Blue Dog, DLC are in charge of the Democratic Party. Obama is a centrist and pragmatist. He wants ONE thing, a SECOND term. He believes that we are THE IMPEDIMENT to that ULTIMATE GOAL.

    There are “Democrats” who belong to the gradualist, incrementalist, A group wooses who betray us for access to power and obscene non-profit perpetual orgs with third of million yearly salaries. In the movie, “MILK” you saw those “Power Gays” who enjoyed access to power if they betrayed their own. Nothing new in forty years, babies !!!!

    ACT UP for SILENCE=DEATH was translated into many languages and cultures. The smallest groups in the streets and the least to scare their politicians into action were Americans. I have dual nationality in Canada through my mother, and my husband was born in Canada, with naturalised US citizenship. Our son is both. Now, all the non-profit GLBT orgs seeking civil rights have been disbanded, and no, none of them took a third of a million for his salary alone, while the staff got pebbles and the volunteers got pats on the back.

    Again, read carefully here. You have the enablers to Power Gays and GAY INC. They care little if DOMA passes or not. They care little if at all if same sex couples with families get nothing. Those Power Gays and GAY INC enablers make me puke..forty years ago and especially NOW.

  • Raymond S. Decelles-Smith

    I just read a reply to me. Barney Frank is a DLC enabler. He was for ENDA with hooks, and believes in civil union inferior rights since he thought he would get Kerry’s USS seat in 2004 had he won POTUS. His sister Ann was communications director for Clinton in the WH, and is still a DNC co-chair. In short, they are tied to centrist Dems by the hip. Give me a break !!!

    Also, the proof that we must beg a Democratic majority in the House, and with Franken seated, a firm 60 vote plurality in the Senate, and we must BEG for our rights shows that the Democratic Debating Society is merely the new way to spell moderate Republican, while the real GOP are reactionary theocrats.

  • InExile

    @galefan2004: Agreed. Our 40th year since Stonewall is the perfect time to say enough is enough, no more excuses and no more delays. No action = no money, no votes, and no more volunteering to help their campaigns. It is time to demand equality and stop asking for it.

  • Raymond S. Decelles-Smith

    Watch this next strategic move.

    Actually, the DLC Blue Dog Senate leadership likes the fact that Franken is not yet seated. 59 seats translates to the possibility of a “filibuster” for major liberal legislation they do not care for. Their own survival means to avoid what they feel is another 1994 debacle…even though nothing is the same.

    You will see nothing but a few blusterous comments when the MN Supremes – Republicans – give Norm Coleman a reason for SCOTUS.
    Imagine…Franken won the seat in November 2008 for six years, and the GOP, with DLC Blue Dog complicity, has removed six months and counting of a six year term from him.

    We have aspects of banana republicanism…the only difference is that no one goes to the mattresses, barriers, or simply the streets in the USA. Nothing is worth bursting the illusion of superior political morality.

  • Raymond S. Decelles-Smith

    We have known other MA couples who do NOT marry….part of the Power Gay or GAY INC enabling crowd, or LCR crowd. There is a problem when IRS considers you legal strangers, differently than the state Revenue departments considers you legally married.

    Then, of course, both psychosexual orientations have discordant coupling populations, and the hedonist elements who live in their own moral ghettoes. Not all rabbits in tuxedoes are straight !

  • InExile

    @Raymond S. Decelles-Smith: First, I would like to say thank your for your years of activism. Act Up was quite effective and really made a difference in opening the eyes of our politicians to get funding for research and treatment for people with AIDS. We need an ACT UP for equality.

    Just last week a friend of mine told me “don’t worry Joe Salmonese will keep giving them hell” until we reach equality. I asked him if he ever reads any gay blogs??? He said no. I was shocked he thought his yearly $50 donation to HRC was going to bring us equality! Very Scary!

  • galefan2004

    @InExile: Never underestimate the ignorance of man.

  • Cam

    @galefan2004: You said…”@InExile: You assume that the reason I’m single is because of anything other than my own choice. Thanks for your opinion. However, you are wrong. I choose to be single. I am to selfish for a relationship. I don’t believe in compromise. I don’t believe in love. Love is just a way of convincing someone to give you something that you want. ”

    Galefan2004, one question, why are you so protective of your own personal priviliges that you do not want to have a relationship because you may give away some of your “Rights” but you are so willing to delay our rights by allowing Congress to B.S. us by saying that they can’t work on all of our rights, or the larger of our rights at this time. Why are you short sheeting the community when you won’t do that to yourself? ;)

  • db

    @galefan2004: Very astute! A big part of political strategy is timing. And you’re absolutely right. Get the stuff that has majority public support and little opposition in Congress through first. That way, the “fight” only serves to cement our chances of getting subsequent legislation (repeal of DOMA) through. Build momentum. (BTW, I say this as someone married in one state but now living in a state that doesn’t recognize that marriage. So federal recognition is extremely important to me. That said, I don’t think it’s in the community’s best interest to fight my fight first.)

  • galefan2004

    @Cam: You totally and utterly misunderstood what I said. I never said that Congress should not work on DOMA. I said that Congress should pass ENDA, DADT, MSA, and UAFA before working on DOMA. Its called political strategy. The right knows that the fight on DOMA is coming. They are raising money to fight it. If you save it till last you have a much better chance of not facing as much opposition on everything else. DOMA will get the bigots riled up very quickly, and I don’t think we really want the bigots riled up when we try to pass everything else that isn’t DOMA.

  • Markie-Mark

    I agree. It’s time to ask for all of our rights. No action = no money.

  • youcanthandlethetruth

    Homosexuals already have all the same rights as normal people and special privileges in many situations, including property, employment and now your very own Hate Crime Bill.

    If homosexuals are no different from anyone else why do you need all these special protections and privileges?

    Why don’t left-handed people get all this special attention?

  • KD108

    @youcanthandlethetruth: I know you’re an ignorant troll but I’m bored so I’ll respond. These aren’t “special rights and protections” they’re measures to insure equal protection under the law like any other minority group constantly facing violence and discrimination just because of who they are. People seek to kill us, take away our livelihoods, and negate our worth and humanity because of who we are inclined to love. Until that changes and we are treated fairly as tax-paying, contributing members of society, we will need laws to protect us and our rights.

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