A husband feels slightly betrayed after his wife tried tricking him into having sex with another guy, so he’s writing to advice guru Rich Juzwiak at Slate for help.
“My wife is bisexual, and I’ve always been cool with her playing with other women, and sometimes other guys,” the man’s letter begins. “We have plenty of sex, so I know it’s not about me.”
He goes on to describe himself as “a one-woman kind of guy myself”, but recently, he says, “we had a couple over socially and things got a little heated.”
“My wife and the woman had fooled around before, but never with her boyfriend,” he elaborates. “I sort of figured we’d just watch, but then the guy put his hand on my thigh.”
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Unsure how to respond, the man says he got up and left the room.
“I’ve never been with a guy and don’t think I’m interested,” he writes. “My wife was a little upset; she felt I was too closed off to experimentation. But shouldn’t this kind of thing happen with lots of communication?”
He continues: “I sort of suspect she and the other couple intended things to go in this direction, and I’m the only one who didn’t know. We have a pretty conservative background and our relationship is very unconventional in our world, so I’m not really sure of the ground rules.”
Now he wonders: “What should I do, in this instance and in potential future ones?”
Related: Wife stunned to find husband in gay x-rated video, he blames the whole thing on meth
In his response, Rich Juzwiak says he’s on the man’s side.
“Your wife might have even thought she was doing you a favor by giving you the opportunity to explore,” he writes. “But guess what? You didn’t want to! And guess what else? You don’t have to!”
Juzwiak goes on to say that his wife shouldn’t have pressured him into doing anything he might not be comfortable with without talking to him first.
“The risk she (potentially) took by springing a foray into bi play on you is that you wouldn’t take the worm (in this case, a dick). She should be happy that you chose the least awkward method possible of handling this by simply removing yourself.”
Because of this, he says, she has no “moral standing” to be upset with him for not wanting to participate in a MMWW bisexual fourway on a whim.
“From my perspective, you sound plenty open-minded,” he writes. “I would just check in, though, to make sure that you’re as open-minded as she needs you to be.”
All that being said, Juzwiak concludes by writing that if the man is, indeed, curious about being with another guy, he shouldn’t be afraid to give it a try.
“You’re very open to her exploring,” he writes, “you might want to grant yourself the same freedom.”
What advice would you give this guy? Share your pearls of wisdom in the comments section below…
Brian
Is this really something that needs this much overthinking? If you want to do it, do it. If you don’t, don’t. People really create a lot of unnecessary problems for themselves.
QueerTruth
These fantasy stories are hilarious.
@HarryB at q-meet.us
Really strange fantasy
djmcgamester
She sounds like someone who doesn’t trust her husband to make decisions for himself. His wife has sex with women and other men. He only has sex with her. Pretty clear he’s not looking to expand those boundaries because he had plenty of opportunity. At the very least, she should be made to understand that her wants for him sexually are none of her business.
If I was dating a bi guy and one day I came home to find a woman present and waiting for my arrival, I would not be cool with it. Assuming an open relationship, and he wants to mess around with women, fine. But why should I have to? Personally, I wouldn’t necessarily object but it would definitely have come about because we talked about and planned it. If he sprung it on me I’d be unhappy.
AlexEf
Excellent analogy!
DeQuan
I guess I don’t understand why this was “reported” reading the headline, I guess I expected a different ending or at least a resolution. I don’t get this site…
Thad
It’s all about consent.
EbonyOnly
Gay people don’t want to be outed. It’s about respect.
Same as straight people, who aren’t into or interested in being with another man.
Why is it that Gay/Bi-sexual individuals have a hang up when straight people accept us but we don’t accept them?
Good for him walking out. The wife is selfish and her actions would indicate to me that she is having a lot of extra affairs that her husband has no idea about. She should value her husband’s open mind. Rather her
sexual desires are more important than the relationship that she’s involved in.
Greg
Was the other guy hot?
DuMaurier
Finally, someone gets to the actual point!
Josh447
Not worth a comment