The term “graysexual” has been buzzing around the Internet since about 2011, but it wasn’t until 2016 that it really began picking up steam. Since then, more and more people have adopted the ambiguous sexual identity.
Urban Dictionary defines the term “graysexual” as:
Sometimes having sexual attraction and/or feelings, but usually not. Generally asexual but perhaps capable of sexual desire under certain conditions.
To help illustrate the point, it offers the following example:
“Look at all of these hot chicks!”
“Eh.”
“Dude, are you gay?”
“Nah, I’m graysexual. I can see that there are plenty of hot chicks here, but that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with any of them.”
Related: Asexuals talk about the woes of living in an overly-sexualized society
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Basically, the term is used to describe that gray area between people who are sexual and people who aren’t. Graysexuals enjoy sexy time on rare occasion. Most of the time, however, they want to be left alone.
Graysexuality tends to get lumped under the asexuality umbrella, though technically it’s its own thing.
Here’s a 60-second documentary featuring a 25-year-old man named Jared explaining what graysexuality means to him:
https://youtu.be/bjC0VsHIs_M
Of course, there are still lots of naysayers out there who refuse to accept graysexuality as a valid sexual identity. We suspect they’re the same people who don’t believe in bisexuality either.
Graysexual is so dumb tho like basic human being? it's like those people who know what gender they are, they are called cisgender, why not just PEOPLE
— Oliver? (@oliver_wine) December 21, 2017
So there you have it, folks. Graysexuality in a nutshell. Oh, and speaking of shells, with more and more of graysexuals coming out of theirs, does this mean 2018 be the year they finally go mainstream?
Gray is a lovely color, after all.
Related: Aromantics say they aren’t cold and heartless, they’re just not that into you (or anyone)
Josh447
Hmm sounds like only-above-the-belt romantic, which sounds like a mental block to going below the belt. I’d call it cuddlesexual. Much more descriptive.
It sounds like an OSA (opposite sex attracted) “good catholic girl” who will only go so far bc of religion or maybe she’s SSA or confused bc she’s DSA (dual sex attracted).
Irregardless, Graysexual doesn’t indicate a sexual orientation (or does it) but could possibly be used as a sexual intensity term slightly more intense than asexual.
If it is a gay term then I suggest we drop it. It’s too ambiguous. Sounds like old people sex with no sexual orientation indicators.
Mmmrrrggglll
I know I am not the grammar police, and I do understand dialects and idiosyncracies, but please do not say “irregardless”, and don’t ever spell it again.
Oh, I guess I am the grammar police. Sorry! 🙂
Josh447
The term is spelled and used correctly.
Your grammar teacher.
Juanjo
“Irregardless” is a word used by uneducated people who do not understand proper English vocabulary or usage. It is the equivalent of using the word “ain’t”. It marks a person who has a limited education and lacking in any ability to express themselves in proper English vocabulary. It is used by illiterates to mean exactly the same term as the word modified to make it – regardless. The use of “ir” to modify “regardless” serves no function whatsoever. A partner in my former law firm vetoed an associate up for partnership in the firm because he would constantly use the word in legal documents [along with other slang terms” regardless of being told it was not proper English. Can you use it, yes? Is it ever proper English to do so? No. It marks you as poorly educated and incapable of expressing yourself as a literate person. But by all means, if you wish to use it in your own attempts to communicate, feel free to do so. However, please do not hop up on a stump to express indignation when people point out you are displaying your own inadequacies when it comes to written communications.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irregardless
Mandrake
Interesting term, “Graysexual.” I hadn’t heard it before, but I can think of several friends to whom it could apply. One word I got called a few weeks ago online that I had never heard before and initially thought it some sort of disparagement was ‘Zaddy” with a “Z.” Sure enough, I googled it, and it’s a nice compliment. Anybody else been called that?
Blackceo
All of these labels are ridiculous. Just do you. Why does everything have to have a label or term to define it. I mean on one hand I get wanting recognition and respect and acceptance for your particular situation but I just feel you can just say what you are and that be it w/o having to put a term to it. We’ve already gone from LGBT to LGBTQ to LGBTQIA. By the time its over we’re going to use very letter of the alphabet.
Josh447
Agreed. We actually started with LGB then added T which isn’t even a sexual orientation. That’s where the train went off the tracks, when we went into, other than sexual orientation descriptors.
Then there’s gay and queer, which have become negative descriptors that people are starting to question.
I prefer ssa dsa or osa and leave the baggage of labels behind for easily defined and accurate descriptors.
amigay
I agree with you and Josh. Why complicate the gay/straight paradigm with labeling someone
lgbtqiaueitjkdnfskldfjwslfj12lsdfmvldmv?
S.anderson
@Josh447 As I recall, we started with “Gay”. Then we added “and Lesbian”, then there was some grouching so we sighed and switched to “Lesbian and Gay”. Then we added “Bi” and others.
Then, in the late 80’s “Queer Nation” grabbed the media’s attention and insisted that the various LGBT communities were in agreement with them, that we’d all just call ourselves “Queer” from now on. There was some sighing again, and that premature assertion was embraced as an alternative. Mostly younger, politically-correct types carried that forward.
Now, the trans/non-binary movement has seized the term “Queer” for their own, and are pushing their own revisionism of LGBTQ consciousness and history to one which is quite inaccurate.
Parting thought: most trans people are straight, you know.
Josh447
S.anderson
Yes an interesting migration of terms. Lesbian is actually a term that meant you were a resident of the Greek Island Lesbos, then a gay female poet Sopphi residing there wrote many poems about her ties with women who loved women, hence the term Lesbian also means gay woman in today’s terms.
I like terms to a point but it now seems to have gotten out of hand. Maybe Queer Nation could step in and do some post term editing. All these isms are suffocating to many gay people. Straights don’t even pay it much mind. Many straight friends don’t even recognize or know the term lgbt. And so it goes.
I’ve always thought trans were a mixed bunch regarding sexual orientation but like drag queens/transvestites, the majority is probably straight, as you said.
Josh447
Oh yeah, transvestites are straight and drag queens are not. If this is all too much for an SSA guy, we’ve completely lost the straight world.
S.anderson
@Josh447 AFAIK, Queer Nation is long gone. I know of no connection with them and the present-day queer movement. Frankly, their attempt to “edit” then was unwelcome to most, and should be unwelcome today. It’s this revisionism by every new sexual minority group which comes along that I find objectionable. It does violence to everyone who came before and paved the way for them to ascend. *frown*
EvonCook
Actually Josh, we did not start with “LGB” we started with G & L, until lesbians decided mainly around 1987 to claim “underrepresentation,” second class status and play the guilt card, to which many gays and gay led and gay funded organizations and media caved. Lesbians endlessly promoted this as their community power tactic, often insisting they come first as a stipulation for their participation, and actually demanding and even regulating rules to always be named and always come first. Remember, all organizations rotate their place in Stonewall parades, EXCEPT lesbian motorcyclists who always come first. A lot of us consider this one more way women like to leverage power to have their cake and eat it too. Comparing how many lesbian heads of primarily gay organizations do you see verses how many gay heads of primarily lesbian organizations sort of proves my point of a double standard. We certainly are not the same communities, nor do we have the same priorities despite having many, many things in common and sharing some goals best attained through cooperation. Anyway, a generation has grown up thinking, as you said, it was always LGB, but Gays have borne the brunt of discrimination and legal disapprobation since Queen Victoria famously said women didn’t do such things and included only men in the penal code. My own substantial resources, support and bequests will go to exclusively Gay or G & L organizations.
dean089
Whomever comes up with all these labels really needs to go out and get a real life. It’s ridiculous.
KentonF
Shades of Gray? So…rapists basically. Ah, no.
KentonF
50 Shades Of Grey that is, but apparently this has nothing to do with that.
Just be yourself damnit.
tham
I don’t know, maybe if you moved out from your mother’s basement and lived on your own…you might feel better about yourself and…well…feel more sexy.
This sounds more to me like a form of depression than let’s say…a natural progression of human sexuality.
First get a life, then you’ll want to have a sex life…no really…it’s that simple.
Josh447
It could be a penis size issue, too many past lives as a celibate priest, could be many things. But it does seem like it’s a problem that has him stumped and needs attention when he’s ready.
Heywood Jablowme
If Jared hasn’t shot a load of CUM in three months, his next sex partner is gonna get a mouthful!
Heywood Jablowme
And hey Queerty, what’s with the Hillary video? Are you saying Hillary is a graysexual? Are you implying that she hasn’t had sex since, say, the ’90s? LOL.
JAW
Oh Great… another letter to add to the LGBTQAQIGH…. soon we will run out of letters
Paco
I thought we were supposed to be moving beyond the need for labels. Instead, there seems to be more new labels being made up every other day.
#generationsnowflake
Cai
Okay…so people have a hard time find themselves getting sexually attracted to people. If it’s mostly women, it’s because their T levels—testosterone is the main force behind libido—are less than 1/10th that of dudes. We live in a hyper sexual society, and anyone who doesn’t get honey from time to time is seen as “ill”. If you’re not interested in a relationship, fine, but I don’t think asexual or graysexual can really connote their own orientations. They don’t suffer like trans or queer folk!
charlietex
How are people conflating this with gender? Orientation and gender are two entirely different things. But that said this just sounds like a guy who doesn’t like sex very much to me. For whatever reason, which is really unimportant, He appreciates foreplay but not orgasm with someone else. I don’t see this as an orientation at all, it’s just a dislike of sex. Being gay or bisexual says nothing about liking or disliking sex. This gentleman admits his orientation is gay. He’s a gay guy who doesn’t like sex.
S.anderson
I agree, sex drive is something other than gender. I kid you not, there is a “pornsexual” movement out there too. They only feel randy when watching porn. Thus, a new gender? Heh.
Dymension
People have too much time on their hands to make up shit.
Josh447
Graham Gremore said,
“Of course, there are still lots of naysayers out there who refuse to accept graysexuality as a valid sexual identity.”
Truly, the dumbest comment of the new year. A gay guy with a low labido is now a new sexual orientation or sexual identity. There are DSA (dual sexual attracted) people everywhere. It’s a valid sexual identity/orientation. Gray whatever, is not a sexual identity. There’s nothing to accept.
Josh447
And they are an extremely miniscule number. But Graham, in your defense, if you must have an identity orientation for this group of three, try LSD/Low Sex Drive.
Kieran
Not interested girls? Don’t worry, you’re not gay, you’re just gray.
dinard38
Ok. Enough with all of these stupid, ridiculous sexual and gender identities. It is so damn annoying and unnecessary. We don’t need 50 different ways to label sexuality or 35 different gender types.
Andy
I agree, Gay works for me, it has since I entered the gay world in 1969 and its still works although as a wise “elder” graysexual does have piqued my interest ( tongue in cheek). Oh and yes it was GLBT at first.
Josh447
Amen
girldownunder
No, the young man in that video isn’t “broken” & he’s quite right that he has nothing to be ashamed about. However, the more common state of being (I think) is to want sex if you’re attracted enough to cuddle & kiss.
Saying that, there IS some sort of issue stopping this for him. I hope he decides to get counseling to find the base of this issue. It obviously bothers him- enough to do a video to evade tackling it.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Tryna make “low sex drive” sexy (or asexy). Cringesexuals, more like.
RomanHans
32 comments. Graham has gotten so great at trolling you guys.
SiamSam
You mean Gray-ham Grey-more?
Evji108
I don’t personally think every permutation needs to be labeled. I also find that attraction and sexuality changes over time and refuses to be categorized. Nobody has to finally make up their mind. An amazing person could come along and all those boundaries get thrown out the window in a flash, if you are open to all possibilities.
Kris
I didn’t know there was a name for my lifestyle… I enjoy porn occasionally but have’nt been fully intimate with a human since 2008…
alanballs
to me, Kris, that’s both cool, and sad at the same time. But you seem comfortable with it….. 🙂
alanballs
Sexual identity, gender identity, racial identity, creative identity, career identity…..all of these arising identity issues seem to be arising and gaining momentum as millennials endeavor to shed, reject and rebel against what they perceive to be old, outdated labels, stereotypes, expectations, rules, laws, morals, mores, traditions and dogmas. As I’ve read and studied, this is reminiscent of the 60’s sexual revolution, no? Except that the music and fashion industries aren’t nearly as exciting or revolutionary as they were in the 60’s.