When Dan Savage is not busy tempting Republicans with oral sex offers, he is watching the best–and worst–of amateur porn, sometimes for 10 straight hours. That’s because for the last 12 years, Savage and his team at Seattle’s The Stranger newspaper have been curating Hump!, an indie film festival showcasing sexy and quirky short movies that are most definitely NSFW.
Starting this month, Savage is bringing the best of Hump! submissions on tour to sex-positive cinemas all over the country. The films are only shown in theaters and are never made available online to ensure that filmmakers and actors are able to fully express every inch of themselves, without the stigma of having “done porn.”
The featured selections run the gamut. While a few of the films go the traditional porn-erotica route and include explicit acts of non-simulated intercourse, others are more jovial and light-hearted. Animated movies about how silly our genitals look, musicals about kinky fetishes and faux documentaries about being sexually attracted to centaurs have been crowd-pleasers in Hump! festival past.
This year, “Glory Hole,” a documentary about an elderly couple who met at a cruising spot and one of Savage’s favorite submissions, was an unexpected emotional hit when it was originally screened in Seattle and Portland about how lasting relationship can surface in even the most unlikely places.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
We spoke to Savage and got him to dish out a few tips on how we can make our best Hump!-worthy porn debuts…
Follow you fetish: “The best films are made by people doing what they love and are really personal,” Savage said. “We want the festival to be diverse in gender expression and representation. Queer and straight and trans and cis and kinky and vanilla.”
No 50 Shades of Grey parodies: “We have this strange thing happen every year, like something is in the water and we’ll get lots of film that are very similar,” Savage said. “One year we got five different James Bond parodies. And they were all really good, but we can’t put five James Bond parodies in the show. Two years after that we got all these films with lesbian and bi women all of which incorporated fruits and vegetables. We had a lot of zombie porn the first few years.”
Don’t imitate commercial pornography: “What sets us apart from mainstream porn is that the people making the films are sharing their turn-ons and they’re doing something they’re passionate about,” Savage said. “People who hate to watch commercial porn because they think it’s dehumanizing, love Hump.”
Don’t worry about production value: “You don’t have to be a filmmaker, you don’t have to have a professional crew you just have to have something interesting and beautiful and funny and hot that really speaks to you and that you want to share with people. There are films that have been literally shot on people’s iPhones and they are grainy without much lighting or much sound quality but they’re great.”
Be open to straight folks watching your movie: At the Hump screenings we have straight guys watching hardcore gay porn and you have gay boys watching lesbian cunnilingus on the giant silver screen. At first all anybody can see are the differences: what’s not their turn-on, what’s not the plumbing they want in their own beds. After 15 minutes in, everyone is cheering and laughing and people start to see what’s the same: the passion, the lust, the sense of humor, the vulnerability, the desire. Everything that’s going on underneath the different plumbing.
The Hump! film festival is currently on tour in select cities across the country.
Oscar Raymundo is the creator of Confessions of a Boy Toy.
Michael Albert
What is NSFW?
Captain Obvious
Why doesn’t she just make a video of herself riding around West Hollywood shouting the N word like she did when Obama was elected? Told all white gay men to shout the N word at all black people(including black gay people not that it matters) because prop 8 was passed. The very many white prop 8 supporters who spent millions to campaign in favor of it? Free pass, no hate, no slurs.
Will never support this r@c:st queen. Would love to give her a kick in the teeth though. Bye, Felicia.
Josh447
At least he’s doing something with his life other than being a vicious whiny fktard. This guy has done more for gay rights in general than you could do in ten lifetimes. But no. You have to throw shade. Yeah, the fundies love you. Grow a d*k sissy pants.
Giancarlo85
I don’t support Savage either. Don’t really give a damn about him. I posted in the past on here about him… the guy has some demented libertarian viewpoints.
http://forgetpolitics.tumblr.com/post/22929360770/the-top-6-reasons-why-you-should-hate-dan-savage
And it isn’t just that stupid article he wrote supporting the war in Iraq… this guy has insulted rape victims (oh wow… he’s doing what republicans do), feminists…
http://fucknodansavage.tumblr.com/
And this site makes a good point about the whole “It Gets Better” campaign. PR Bullshit. Who does it get better for? Rich white gay males? Because it certainly doesn’t get better for most of us.
He’s a douchebag who doesn’t care for anyone other than gay white males. If you’re latino, black, bi, trans… yeah… you’re out of luck.
Giancarlo85
@Josh447: What has he done asides from insult numerous other minorities? And what has he done for gay rights? Please don’t name me the PR campaign I talked about. “It Gets Better” has done next to nothing for bullied LGBTQQI youth. Absolutely NOTHING.
Basically telling kids “well it might get better so just deal with the bullying”.
Chris
@Michael Albert: Not Suitable For Work
I am Gay (just like you), Black, HIV-Positive, and Back Bitches!!!
Dan Savage? Who cares what that fame whore thinks?
craigbrew2
@Michael Albert: Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
craigbrew2
@Giancarlo85: Dude, you really don’t know anything about Dan Savage do you? Captain Obvious also doesn’t know who Dan Savage is. I’d check out many of youtube videos to hear what Dan says. I have NEVER heard him speak badly about minorities, insult rape victims, etc. It Gets Better does good out there for young individuals who don’t have anyone to talk to. These young people hear all these negative messages and by watching video’s online they can get a sense of hope. So – Dan HAS done good for the LGBTQ community.
Both of you: Take your bullshit Republican talking points and stick it.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: “Because it certainly doesn’t get better for most of us.”
Are you saying your life is NO better than it was in middle school or high school?? Seriously??? Damn, your life must really suck!!!
Maybe someone can start making “It Gets Better” videos for 30 year olds?
Giancarlo85
@craigbrew2: I’ve researched plenty into Dan Savage and have known who he is for over a decade now. Unfortunately. I still remember that pathetically stupid piece he wrote for supporting the Iraq war. Dan has said what he has said and I have posted direct quotes supporting my argument. He even said a rape victim was lying.
It Gets Better does little to nothing and is nothing more than a “pep talk” and PR work. You bought into the public relations stunt. There isn’t any actual help or reforms to help kids.
My republican talking points? Savage is the one closer to a fucking republican. So spare me bullshit artist.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: Just another case of you being a selective idiot and not looking at my entire post. For one, let me go over this for you again… the “It Gets Better” campaign has done next to nothing to actually help youth. You didn’t even address my point about it being one big public relations stunt.
I don’t expect you to respond rationally. You’re a fool who has a knee jerk response to everything.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: You’re acting like all the It Gets Better videos are by Savage personally. Was the idea somewhat of a publicity stunt by him? Well of course, I don’t doubt that.
But by now there are thousands of those videos – tens of thousands? – by all kinds of people who elaborated on the concept.
Now you’re declaring that ALL those videos are ineffective and have accomplished “next to nothing”? Got any evidence for such an unprovable premise?
And all it takes to prove it in the other direction is for some gay young people to say, “Yeah, there were a few videos that helped me.” Which seems likely.
Arcamenel
Look at all the idiots in the comments using selective reading to completely ignore the r@cist, transphobic, misogynist crap this white gay has pulled for decades.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: It was a PR stunt, and a stunt by politicans. It actually had little impact.
Yes, they are ineffective. And have any evidence to prove that they are working? Suicides are up and still happening.
And Savage has been transphobic, r*a*c*i*s*t, and misogynist… and you just ignore all of that? Is that all you have? OFF THE MARK AGAIN I SEE.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: “It was a PR stunt,” – I already admitted that.
“Savage has been transphobic, r*a*c*i*s*t, and misogynist” – Yes yes yes, and I didn’t think I had to mention it because so many other people here are mentioning it. Although he seems invariably to backtrack and give a lukewarm apology. Which he NEVER did for his Iraq War cheerleading, that I ever heard of, which yes pisses me off.
“Suicides are up” – really??? – got any statistics on that?
“and still happening” – Well come on, who ever contended that these videos would entirely 100% end teen suicides?
I was not attempting to address every single issue involving Dan Savage or else you would accuse me of typing more than you do… which I assure you, would hardly be possible. 🙂
Anyway it has finally stopped raining here after 5 days – yeah, CHOKE ON THE DUST, CALIFORNIA! – so I want to go out and work in the garden. Feel free to waste all day long typing here, Giancarlo!
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: “Yes yes yes”
And that’s my issue with him.
Suicides are indeed up, just take a look at recent stories. The videos haven’t even ended some suicides. The numbers are increasing and bullying is just becoming more complex.
And yes, you can waste all of your time on here too… asshole. By the way, we just had some rain here recently… so rest assured… you can go fuck yourself.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: You’re just sugarcoating everything and asskissing. That’s what you do best, conformist.
John Kuehnle
Not suitable for work. I wish I had the time to look at videos when at work.
sfhally
@Captain Obvious: Someone’s off her meds again.
sfhally
@craigbrew2: Don’t bother–Jesus Christ could come down and say “That Dan Savage–what a great guy” and there’d still be a bunch of bitter wanna-bes telling the usual lies.
Clark35
@Josh447: Um no, he’s a viscious whiny fucktard and everyone here in the Pacific Northwest has been sick of this ex drag queen for decades.
His whole “It gets better” project is completely hypocritical since he’s biphobic, transphobic, and a misogynist. He’s also a chicken hawk which is gross.
Clark35
@Giancarlo85: Exactly.
There’s also this.
http://fucknodansavage.tumblr.com/
Clark35
@Arcamenel: Very true, white fags love him and think he’s a saint when he’s a bigot, bully, and hater.
Giancarlo85
@Clark35: While we don’t agree on Hillary, I agree with you on this.
And I can’t believe the number of white gays on here who are singing his praises. I can’t stand Savage. And I have a feeling he doesn’t like LGBT people who are of ethnic minorities.
As a gay latino, I’ll go as far as saying he’s a xenophobe.
sfhally
@Clark35: Any proof? Or just the usual whisper campaign of sad queens?
Giancarlo85
@sfhally: I posted sites that contained actual quotes from Savage.
Louis
Post my comment this is rude.
TemptyK
There’s “vicious” and there’s “viscous”, but there’s definitely NO “viscious”. I always thought gay men were, on average, slightly more intelligent than their heterosexual. Of course, this was disproved last year over and over again.
And I can’t stomach Dan Savage or his butter face attention-seeking hubby. He’s always talking sex, sex and more sex and REALLY loves the sound of his own voice and thinks he always right. Kinda like Atticus Bennett.
TemptyK
… heterosexual [counterparts].
That’s the price of being a fast thinker. Your mind is always far ahead of your hands.
I still hate Dan Savage!
Louis
This is ridiculous I posted a comment here and as usual this site intentionally blocked it from posting.
Louis
damnit post my comments!
Captain Obvious
http://forgetpolitics.tumblr.com/post/22929360770/the-top-6-reasons-why-you-should-hate-dan-savage
Also don’t care what Savage’s legion of idiots thinks about anything. They love flexing their privilege just as much as he does.
I used to read his column when I was a teen that’s how I know who he is, so any dumb fan of his spewing that bs can sit right back down. It’s easy to forget his many hateful and nasty comments when they aren’t aimed at you.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, he’s said tons of things like this over the years. It’s really his dumb fans who don’t know who he is, they only know his little campaigns. Most probably don’t even know he wrote columns on many different sites and some are way nastier than others.
His fans know nothing about him… or they really are dumb enough to read his nastiest comments and ignore them completely.
Louis
@Captain Obvious:
I attempted to post many things he said but this site wouldn’t let me do it.
Louis
Unfortunately I agree the it gets better campaign may have helped some but not enough.
There are still so many LGBT suicides in this country and regardless of the impact the it gets better campaign had it still wasn’t enough to save these young impressionable lives.
Dan Savage has also indeed said many horrible things including wishing people to die etc…
The problem is Mr Savage has always deemed himself the spokesperson for the LGBT community and the expert as well.
Yet we all have our own minds and live in our own way.
Its disheartening that he seems to prefer to tear people down and ridicule and mock them be an actual voice of true support instead of hate dissension and persecution.
To me that kind of attitude is absolutely no different then how some straight people treat us in our everyday lives.
Louis
Yes I can also confirm that Mr Savage has indeed made biphobic transphobic and derogatory and discriminatory remarks about men who are bigger in weight .
The man has never been a saint.
onthemark
@Louis: Well he would never claim to be a “saint.” He’s a bitter ex-Catholic (is there any other kind of ex-Catholic?).
But yes, his SEX advice – what he makes his living at – can be very, very weird.
He seems to be good at advising gay guys how to go about giving bl0w jobs to their own first cousins (!!! – eww!!! – look it up), or advising gay guys how to seduce their str8 roommates. But other than that, not so great.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: “By the way, we just had some rain here recently” … Yeah, it rained a whole 1/4 of an inch, so the California drought is over! Yay!
“Suicides are indeed up, just take a look at recent stories. The videos haven’t even ended some suicides. The numbers are increasing and bullying is just becoming more complex.”
But… but… but… hasn’t Atticus solved all that suicide stuff with HIS videos?
Videos are the ONLY way to deal with the suicide problem, apparently. If you have another idea, do tell us!
And you already said, “it certainly doesn’t get better for most of us” (at the age of 29 or 30!) so apparently you’re saying you are on the verge of SUICIDE at the age of 29 or 30.
(Damn – why immigration let you in at all is quite a mystery.)
I realize how broke California and the counties are, but I hope you can get some help for your psychological problems.
What kind of video do you want? Poor kid!
Saint Law
I was going to say that all this thread needs to launch it in to the outer reaches of screaming insanity was for Jason Smeds to chime in using his ‘I’m Black and HIV positive’ suckpuppet.
And lo!
notevenwrong
Dan Savage is a bourgeois gay guy who gives sex advice to the hipster set. However, that doesn’t make him useless. Dan Savage has done a lot of good with his sex advice column. He has done a lot to normalize things (gay relationships, ethical exceptions to monogamy, ethical open relationships, bisexuality, cross-dressing, polyamory, kink, etc.) that people used to be shamed for, and still are.
The people who bring up random quotes to accuse him of, say, biphobia, have no idea. They obviously know nothing of his writing and how it has evolved.
I agree with Giancarlo that it doesn’t really get better for many of us, certainly not in this economy, and certainly NOT on the rife-with-marginalization social apps that have replaced gay communities for young people. In my opinion “it gets better” just passes the buck on bullying and social isolation – kids who are bullied or isolated need action NOW, not vague promises of future improvement.
notevenwrong
@onthemark, I highly doubt he can be described as misogynist. His fans are mostly highly feminist straight women, as any cursory reading of the discussions under his online column will confirm.
onthemark
@Saint Law: Well, you’re probably the most sensible poster here. I realize that’s not saying very much. But still. Okay, next to Cam.
So what do YOU suggest? There seems to be consensus that the video thing isn’t solving the teen suicide problem. Go figure. (And if anyone disagrees, Giancarlo85 will tear into you like a rabid coyote. But that’s neither here nor there I guess. The central problem remains.)
Got any ideas?
onthemark
@notevenwrong: “I agree with Giancarlo that it doesn’t really get better for many of us, certainly not in this economy,”
Really?
Is your life NO better than it was in middle school or high school? Really? Are you being physically assaulted on a daily basis? And no one cares? Are you on the verge of suicide? REALLY??? WTF?????
I don’t have a lot of money, but my life is way, way better than it was in middle school or high school. Reasonably safe, have a fun sex life, have simpatico friends, can travel, do whatever the f*ck I want to do, etc. None of which applied in middle school or high school. Damn – if you don’t even have these basics as an adult, your life must really SUCK!
Or you must have had an easy time as a teenager to make such a ridiculous comment! Are you just being a drama queen or what?
Seriously, I’m wondering what the F*CK you meant by that comment?
onthemark
@notevenwrong: Agree – from what I recall from his column (it’s been awhile), a lot of women write him. They always seemed genuinely mystified by male sexuality, lol. Yet another reason to be glad I’m gay.
The one alt-weekly in Boston that used to carry his column, went out of business, and the other alt-weekly seems to have dropped his column, so I really haven’t seen his snarky advice in quite awhile.
I recall Dan S saying on TV that he never set out to be the “go-to Official Gay TV Guest.” That just happened by default because no one else was doing it. People resent him doing that role, but he claims he doesn’t particularly want that role. He claims he would be happy if someone else stepped up, and nobody gets around to doing it.
Louis
This site is intentionally not allowing me to post real evidence of what so many here have said Savage has said about certain people within the LGBT community.
Louis
http://www.thebacklot.com/snails-oysters-dan-savage-is-biphobic/04/2011/2/
Louis
Man this site is so rude.
notevenwrong
@onthemark: “Is your life NO better than it was in middle school or high school? Really? Are you being physically assaulted on a daily basis?”
I am sorry your high school was so bad.
But exhibit A – the comments on this site. Here is a group of purported adults who appear to get great satisfaction from tearing each other down and calling each other names. A lot of isolated young LGBT people’s only link with LGBT life is via social media like this one. This is an example for them of things getting better? Most days on Queerty are more of an incitement to suicide.
My high school experience was actually very nice and accepting, and that was 30 years ago in a developing country. I was called names only on one day in my whole high school career and a (straight male) student in my class immediately intervened very decisively and put the bullies in their place. I was never bothered again.
notevenwrong
@onthemark:
Thinking about it more, yes, my life now is worse than it was in high school. I have fond memories of High School. I was provided for, my parents were both alive, my grandmother was alive and living with us, I didn’t date but I had a modest but happy social life and got along well with everyone in my class. Now I am dating but I am struggling financially to live in a depressed neighborhood in a depressed city, and I have no prospects despite having a doctorate. A number of people who are important to me have died. Getting older sucks ass.
My point is it is a misdirection of resources to tell people to wait until after high school. The culture of high school in the U.S. is rotten and should be changed – that is where resources should be going. It is not like this in other countries.
onthemark
@notevenwrong: Yikes – I don’t think I’ve EVER talked with a gay person who actually liked high school better than his adult life. That’s a depressing message to tell gay youth! That’s not what I personally want to tell them.
I agree with you, we should keep in mind that teens do occasionally read this site. So I think we should be careful not to depress them with negative talk about how much gay adulthood sucks and it’s all the fault of, as you say, (a) abstract economic forces and… (b) MEAN GAY PEOPLE? Is that really what you want to tell them?
I want to tell them – don’t take the mean negative people on this site too seriously. They are purely a feature of the internet. They will be easy to avoid in your real life.
“My point is it is a misdirection of resources to tell people to wait until after high school.” But meanwhile they have to wait. Well I’m on record in Queerty comments that I’d prefer to ABOLISH high school, but I’m afraid that is a utopian idea. 🙂 It seems to me a Herculean task even to *improve* high school for gay kids. (Maybe it would be easier to get rid of it entirely, lol.) The IGB approach can’t do everything but it seems far simpler and more practical. It’s worthwhile to remind them that the torture DOES eventually end.
As I said earlier, I prefer to tell them that even if you don’t have much money, you can have a fun sex life, great friendships, a happy home life, and maybe even a job that you sorta kinda like. That’s enough and it’s great. For most of us it actually DOES get quite a bit better. Maybe not perfect and not dramatically fantastically better, but better than high school – yes.
Blackceo
@Captain Obvious:
Yup…that’s pretty much my sentiments about Dan Savage. I didn’t hear about him telling people to yell the ‘n’ word on election night 2008, but his race baiting remarks I do remember in blaming Blacks for the passage of Prop 8 and then his pathetic back tracking.
spiffy
Is there anybody in the world that is 100% perfect? I’m sure if one digs deep enough, one will find faults even in Mother Teresa. I don’t understand all this hate toward Dan Savage; I may not agree with everything he says, but I’ve learned quite a bit from him over the years, particularly his sex advices.
If you don’t like him, there are plenty of other gay & lesbian role models you can admire instead.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: I never said the drought is over. That has a long way to be over… we’d need several months of rain consistently. Still, I’d take California over the dumpy East Coast.
“And you already said, “it certainly doesn’t get better for most of us” (at the age of 29 or 30!) so apparently you’re saying you are on the verge of SUICIDE at the age of 29 or 30. ”
Um, the videos are by rich white men (and typically gay right white men). I’m not saying always, but typically. And I was talking about in the standpoint of wellbeing, not suicidial thoughts. You’re an idiot that reads too much into everything and you fail miserably at it.
“I realize how broke California and the counties are, but I hope you can get some help for your psychological problems. ”
What a blithering idiot. California has a surplus thanks to the current California governor. I just didn’t realize how much of a stupid asshole you are. Thanks for clarifying that.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: “I don’t have a lot of money, but my life is way, way better than it was in middle school or high school. Reasonably safe, have a fun sex life, have simpatico friends, can travel, do whatever the f*ck I want to do, etc. None of which applied in middle school or high school. Damn – if you don’t even have these basics as an adult, your life must really SUCK! ”
You’re a fucking patronizing bastard.
How dare you talk to anyone like that on here? What gives you the right to talk to anyone like that? Not everyone is you. You know what must suck… being you. Do you have any friends? When was the last time you even had a date? During the 1980s?
Since I lasted posted in here, you’ve made like a dozen comments. Get a fucking life please and stop trying to figure out other people. You don’t know anything.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Flagged. You’re violating the comment policy, as usual.
That comment wasn’t addressed to you, it was addressed to “notevenwrong,” but if the shoe fits…
I’ve actually never even seen any of the IGB videos because they’re intended for kids, but it’s certainly interesting that you, at the ripe old age of 29 or 30, have apparently seen so many of them and are so dissatisfied with them and know exactly what’s wrong with them. You say they’re too white or too rich, well I don’t doubt you. (I’d suggest making your own, but oh right, your life didn’t get better, you say so yourself.) For most gay men, adult gay life is better than high school for a million emotional reasons having little or nothing to do with economics.
You said YOURSELF that it didn’t get better for you since high school. I was flabbergasted that anyone your age would ever say such a thing. Well, okay, why isn’t it better for you? If you’re 30 or almost 30, and your life really isn’t ANY better than it was when you were in middle school or high school, maybe it’s your own fault. Since you blame economics (very unusual for an immigrant to whine like that), maybe you’re stuck in a dead end job because of your bad temper and nasty attitude. Maybe you blame everybody else for your own damn problems.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: You don’t even know how to read… what a surprise!
It Gets Better is just a bad publicity stunt that are mostly done by rich white gay men who most likely never had it bad off to begin with. Dan Savage is one of them. He was always in a position of privilege. And this isn’t only about being gay, but other factors.
I never said anything about my high school. I made a point about economics and social status. Many are still abused in this country and in many states employment protections don’t even exist! People still get fired for being gay.
” If you’re 30 or almost 30, and your life really isn’t ANY better than it was when you were in middle school or high school, maybe it’s your own fault.”
There you go again… trying to figure everyone else out. You seem to have some serious emotional problems.
“Since you blame economics (very unusual for an immigrant to whine like that), maybe you’re stuck in a dead end job because of your bad temper and nasty attitude.”
Look in the mirror please. I am doing just fine for myself and have recently transferred to a well paying job. And thanks for the xenophobic swipes… it just shows how much of a bigot you are.
“Maybe you blame everybody else for your own damn problems.”
Maybe you should look at yourself for a change, hypocrite. You’re the one with the problems. And you’re a mentally unstable asshole. Go ahead and report me again… see if I care!
Giancarlo85
But I get it… you’re probably in your 60s, lonely and bitter. You miss your youth. Sad… missing something you’ll never have. So what do you do? You go after people younger than you.
Damn dude, you really have problems. When was the last time you had a meaningful relationship? 30 years ago?
I feel bad for you.
onthemark
@notevenwrong: “But exhibit A – the comments on this site. Here is a group of purported adults who appear to get great satisfaction from tearing each other down and calling each other names… This is an example for [gay ids] of things getting better? Most days on Queerty are more of an incitement to suicide.”
It’s ironic that you started this mini-conversation by agreeing on a minor point with the nastiest, most impolite poster here. It’ll do you no good to agree with him about anything.
Even his California Uber Alles routine is already getting old.
But I couldn’t stop thinking tonight about your two posts. I think I should revise my reply to you a bit. It’s not an overstatement to say, yeah, my life IS “dramatically, fantastically better” than high school! It’s a matter of degree, because for me high school really totally sucked. But I’m truly happy now, even with little money, various assorted health woes etc., it’s all still dramatically, fantastically better than high school. If any depressed gay kid reads this, may it give him some hope! And I’m sorry your experience has been so much worse.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: I’m not defending Dan Savage. He’s annoying, and as I told “notevenwrong” I don’t even think his sex advice is that good.
Ha, now you’re the one who’s projecting and guessing (wrong). I’m in a longtime relationship, am well under 60, already told you we have a lot of friends. And unlike you I know how to have fun and have had a lot of fun.
Why did you get so angry at my comment that I’m happy despite having not much money? You seem to doubt everything I say; do you suspect I have more money than I’m letting on? Gee, I’ll go look for it.
And you said it didn’t get better for you; you specifically blamed economics. NOW you claim you’re doing just fine and have a “well paying job.” You can’t have it both ways. Were you lying the first time or the second time?
SMOKE A JOINT AND RELAX.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: You are projecting too. And I am sorry but I do not smoke weed. Again, the work I am does drug tests and since the workplace requires you to think fast, weed is counterproductive. I don’t care for smoking anyways. Whether it be weed or tobacco, it smells quite bad. Not for me.
By the way, I said for many it does not get better. And for the longest time, I did not have a good job. You seem very quick to assume and try to think you know everything about me. You just come off as a lunatic. Stop trying to figure other people out and focus on yourself. And stop telling what other people should in their own free time.
I highly doubt you are in a relationship or have many friends. Nobody would be able to stand someone as high strung as you.
Giancarlo85
By the way, you are a laugh. You claim to know how to have more fun then me? I highly doubt it. For someone who is complaining I am assuming too much about him, you seem to do that to me. Sorry man, but I am Latino and partying/clubbing is something I love doing. I don’t need drugs to have fun either. I suspect you are doing far more than marijuana, but whatever… I am done trying to justify who I am to some unknown loser.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: If someone was never bullied, IGB may not resonate with them. But from your own description – androgynous etc., that’s great, nothing wrong with that IMO – but it seems likely you WERE bullied as a kid. So your objections to the IGB concept are odd. Apples vs. oranges. Freedom from bullying has no relation to economics.
First you claim to be the champion of the downtrodden and all that, concerned about abstract economic issues, then suddenly you’re Mr. Establishment with a well paying job. You’ve even insulted people for (supposedly) being on SSDI. You want to dismantle SSDI too? Ironic that in your default attitude is always to talk like a Republican.
I recall the first argument you started here (where you were trying to run everybody else’s life like a Republican) was about monogamy and how you thought you were “better” than everybody else because you were monogamous, and calling me a slut and all the usual stuff that jealous prudes say. Suddenly you’re sure I’m not gettin’ any? Make up your mind. 🙂
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: I have figured it all out. You like to have the last word… Perhaps that is because of your mental condition. I am done arguing.
It Gets Better, again, is a half assed publicity stunt that doesn’t even begin to address the real problems in society.
I wasn’t trying to run anyone’s life. People are free to do what they want. I just stated I prefer monogamy. I think that you seem to have memory problems too. Forgetfulness is an issue with age. I am not getting any? Sure I am… With my boyfriend. I just don’t need to screw around with other guys. You are probably in a sexless unfulfilling relationship so that explains why you go to other men. That isn’t an issue with me and isn’t my life.
So again, you are taking something out of context and lying again. You are the perfect right wing conservative Republican.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: And I am not mr. Establishment. I worked hard to get a good job. The job offers full time, but is hardly the best paying in the world. In fact, in contrast to my last job it is good. I was making minimum previously, and now I am making a few dollars more an hour. I am NOT rich or even that well off. It is a good decent job though.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Truce? You’ve taken it down several notches & seem somewhat mollified.
“Last word,” yeah I tend to try that because you twist everything around in such an insulting manner (and not just with me).
Like another poster you insulted in the monogamy thread – who was actually in a monogamous relationship – I was simply defending the concept of open relationships. I didn’t say I was IN one. In the past, yeah, but now I’m a little too old for that and just wouldn’t have the energy, lol. I like monogamy fine now.
I’m glad you’ve backtracked with your monogamy pontifications and telling everyone else what to do. If you can extend that a bit to your grand quixotic project to rearrange all of US society from your perch in Queerty comments… ?
Quixotic, yes. Don Quixote was insane. Leave those windmills alone!
I’m glad you have a good decent job.
notevenwrong
@onthemark: “For most of us it actually DOES get quite a bit better. Maybe not perfect and not dramatically fantastically better, but better than high school – yes.”
I think that is a wrong approach. High school should be a happy time of life for all kids, and we should support efforts to make it so.
The “It Gets Better” idea that high school is a torture to be endured or abolished is a terrible message to send.
onthemark
@notevenwrong: Thanks for writing back.
Reforming high school… easy to say, not so easy to do. Are you suggesting anything specific?
“High school should be a happy time of life for all kids…” Why do you think that? Seriously, I’ll play devil’s advocate on that one. High school is inherently an unnatural, prison-like situation. Right down to the modern prison-like windowless architecture. My HS actually had a barbed-wire fence! I’m totally serious. Talk about “sending the wrong message”! (They said it was to “keep vandals out,” that was their story and they stuck to it.)
(Btw, I doubt that IGB suggests anywhere that HS be abolished. I read that in Harper’s magazine, April 2015 issue.)
Even if schools CAN be reformed, that’ll take much longer than 3 or 4 years to do, so it’s practical to give kids hope about all the bullying in the meantime.
Anyway you can say “should” be a happy time, all you want, but what specifically do you have in mind? That sounds like a HUGE project with a huge array of forces lined up against it.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: I never told anyone what to do as for as monogamy nor am I backtracking. Are you always such a liar?
You’ve made several moronic stupid statements about me and you don’t even know me. Good luck with your miserable life.
I am Gay (just like you), Black, HIV-Positive, and Back Bitches!!!
@Saint Law: And I was just saying how nice it would be some scared faggot like your Nazi fag ass would chime in about me again, but only when they were clearly too scared to actually message me to alert me her scared, coward, Nazi, faggot ass in the first place!
Now is there anything your scared bitch-ass wants to say to me directly faggot? Because otherwise you better stop pretending for nobody in general that all of a sudden your rascist, faggot ass got somebody scared of you! And you can serenely shut the everloving fuck up bitch, and don’t think this won’t cease to happen like all of a sudden somebody turned out to be scared of you!
Only cowards hide in the shadows dipshit! I suggest you press that reply next time dipshit, since you not scared of nobody! Scared of more confrontation bitch? Then shut the fuck up!
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Back then you said you were “better” than everybody else because you were in a monogamous relationship. Dude, you said it several times, over and over, it’s permanently on record, it’s google-able.
Now you’ve changed your tune. Now you want to mind your own business. OK, great. There’s nothing wrong with realizing you were wrong about something. That’s progress.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: I said My relationship which is monogamous is better than open relationships. I won’t back down from that statement. Not now, not ever.
Your reading comprehension is shit as usual. Not changing my tune, especially not for an idiot like you. You know what would be progress? You shutting your fat arrogant face. I wasn’t wrong about a damn thing.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Sweetie, you already backed down from that statement, remember? You backtracked and declared that you said your monogamous relationship was better FOR YOU. And you claimed that was what all you had said ALL ALONG.
Not what you meant and that you’d merely misspoke (which btw I’d have accepted because normal SANE people do that all the time). But you declared it was what you had literally written, which was untrue, and snarled about my supposed lack of “reading comprehension” when you had already written exactly the opposite several times. (And it’s still there.)
And right at the end, you got mad again and backtracked again to your original offensive story.
And now, just because you’re mad again, you’re backtracking yet again to your original offensive story.
You’re not better than anyone. And after all your offensive histrionics here, I’m starting to doubt that you’re even in a relationship, or have a job at all, or can tie your shoes without the help of a social worker.
Anyway, you have said several times that you are done arguing with me. Yeah right! Will it help if I tell you how much FUN I’m having messing with you?
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: You really have problems reading. I never backed down. Monogamous relationships are superior to open relationships in every way. I am not even talking about me at this point. I don’t know why you brought that up anyways. But I guess being the obsessive idiot you are, that is what you do best.
I didn’t mistype (this is an internet site so unless I was using voice recognition software I didn’t speak lol). I stand by all my original statements. I did not at any moment back down from those original statements. Keep trying to read into something that wasn’t said.
And histrionics? Funny. I used that word to describe you! Could you be original for once? Or does your mental disability prevent that from happening? Are you socially inept too? Appears to be so. Get some original thoughts and stop trying to use my own. I doubted long ago you ever had a boyfriend… No one in their right mind would want to be with a loser like you.
I am far more capable of working, having a relationship and having a social life than a social misfit asshole like yourself. I really do wish you luck with your miserable sad life.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: No, you contradicted yourself several times, it’s all in writing, it’s all still there, and anybody can look it up.
Why it came up? – It came up because of Dan Savage (again) for being a proponent of the “monogamish” concept. Not for everyone. He’d agree with your Story B that if monogamy is better “for you,” great, that’s what you should do.
But now you’re just being a hetero-centric sexual fasc*st and a prude. You really should backtrack again to Story B, the better “for you” story, that was much more sane.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: Again, you are just throwing accusations I threw at you. You aren’t being original. And honestly, I am no longer interested in hearing your stupid shit anymore. I didn’t contradict myself.
And heterocentric? Bullfuckingshit. Hetero guy are far from monogamous. Only prude here is you. Monogamy is always superior to fucking around.
Have a great day, lonely man. I will continue wearing eyeliner… A prude is something I am not.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: At first that seemed like one of your weirder non sequiturs.
Eyeliner causes prudishness?
But you may be onto something. After all, most cisgender women are prudes. Most cisgender women extol monogamy as “better” (for everyone) without saying WHY, and acting offended if anyone even dares to ask why.
Like you! Okay then. Eyeliner causes prudishness.
JohnW
@onthemark: “… he seems invariably to backtrack and give a lukewarm apology. Which he NEVER did for his Iraq War cheerleading, that I ever heard of, which yes pisses me off.”
“I was wrong. I was SPECTACULARLY wrong on Iraq, and I was an asshole about it.”
http://vimeo.com/69554806