In a recent Reddit thread titled “Was I Raped?” mylordm9 writes:
“Yesterday I went to a gay party. I went outside and was immedeatly (sic) in front of the train station. I needed to get a train to get home. I just missed it though. I sat outside and waited for the next one when a cab came along and asked me where I needed to go. I said that I don’t have the money but he offered me a ride anyways. This of course should have been a red flag but I was drunk and I made it very clear that I just wanted a ride. I’d pay if it was cheaper but I didnt want to have to do anything for it. He said yeah sure just get in I get you home and you don’t have to do anything.”
Turns out, this was a lie. At least according to mylordm9. He continues:
“Anyways, during the ride he got his dick out and wanted me to blow him. I was so afraid that I did and well.. now i feel terrible. I am such a dumbass for getting in the cab and I hate myself for it. I cant get over the feeling.”
As a result, mylordm9 says he “can’t swallow anything” and feels “real shitty.”
“What do I have to do now?” he asks. “I have no idea. I’m such a fucking dumbass!”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Never fear, mylordm9, your fellow Reddit users are here to offer their two cents on your dilemma.
“I don’t think you were raped,” hatessw states matter-of-factly. “Unless you’re omitting relevant facts, no force seems to have occurred, and everything you did on your own volition, drunk or not. That’s not to say what the dude did was classy, but there’s a pretty big gap between lack of class and rape.”
“Based on your story, a guy asked for a BJ and you were uninhibited enough to do it,” Kolyarut5 adds. “Don’t hate yourself.”
“You voluntarily engaged in a sexual act,” significantrisk says, “that is the opposite of being raped. The only way to be less raped than voluntarily having sex is to have no sex at all.”
But Vandal1 disagrees: “He was drunk, and not able to legally consent. Therefore, non-consensual, therefore rape. As well, he is experiencing many of the same feelings as a rape victim. He feels violated and hurt. From what he described, he probably also feels un-clean or dirty.”
“Uhh, I’m pretty sure that whipping out your dick on a drunk person is rapey,” filipelm adds.
“This is rape,” kpatl says. “Regardless if you were drunk, this is rape. Coerced sex is rape. You didn’t exchange sex for a ride; you engaged in a sexual act because you were afraid of the consequences if you didn’t. This is unequivocal rape. Everyone else posting is very clearly wrong.”
What do you think? Was mylordm9 raped? Sound off in the comments section below.
Carlos Zuniga
Who hasn’t done that!?
MiltonandRobert Appleby
A lot of people haven’t done that. Coerced sexual acts shouldn’t be fodder.
Owen
If a college girl had been asked to do a sexual act and she consented (for whatever reason) would it be rape? I guess that would be hard to validate, as she could just lie there. A blow job requires the person blowing to be active. So, unless its at gunpoint, it wasn’t rape…
Frank Sprafke
The term rape is passed around far to easily.
Arcamenel
Definitely rape through coercion.
Matthew David Thompson
Matthew McMillion
Colin Taschler
Suzu Ki Christian haha!
tdx3fan
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph… get off the cross bitch, we need the wood. Seriously, would we even be having this conversation if the cabbie had been young and hot. He would be bragging about how he got to suck off some cute cab driver and got a free ride home. Seriously, he traded a favor for a favor. That is NOT coercion. Coercion occurs when you have no other choice. He faced the consequences of possibly having to walk home if the cabbie just dropped him off. That is a big assed difference from facing the consequences of having your head blown off if you do not do what you are told.
Travis Cooper
He was NOT raped. He chose to do it, he could have told the guy to pull over and let him out. This kind of bullshit is why people don’t believe others who have actually been raped. Regret for stupid decisions doesn’t equal rape.
Mike West Westfall
No he prostituted himself for a service. Rape is one sided and forced.
Sidney Davies
If he consented to the blowjob, it is not rape.
Suzu Ki Christian
Colin Taschler rude.
Oliver Thiele
Isn’t that rather a mild form of, dear me, prostitution. Calling this rape is an insult to people who really went through that horrible experience.
Giancarlo85
Reddit. IS everything on reddit true?
End of story.
Allen Walter Leach
No way
Daniel Salmeron
He was drunk though. I say rape
Yoshi Hil
This is stupid…..
Joseph Franco
He’s a prostitute. Normally you pay cash for a cab ride.
Paco
Who hasn’t had a cabbie hint at wanting a BJ after being picked up at a gay bar?
But seriously… Don’t passengers traditionally sit in the back seat of cabs?
James Sigmon
AxelDC
“He was drunk, and not able to legally consent.” Wow, he just turned nearly every guy who took home a girl who had a Long Island Iced Tea into a rapist.
A) Being drunk does not mean you can’t consent. Without alcohol, many babies simply would never have been conceived. Do you claim the bartender robbed you because you spent too much money while drunk?
B) You are responsible for your own actions, drunk or not. The only way you can be raped is if you are so drunk you passed out. If you nod or say yes, you gave consent. Being drunk is not an excuse for any behavior. If you cannot ensure your own safety while drunk, then don’t drink.
Rape is a felony, not a way to excuse your own behavior. Accusing someone falsely of a felony is a felony in itself. Let’s stop these silly “was I raped” games. If you can say yes, then you consented. Unless he physically forced himself on you or used a weapon to coerce you, it was consensual sex. Own up to it!
AxelDC
@Arcamenel: I saw no coercion. The cabbie didn’t make any threat. It’s like saying that you were raped because a man paid for your dinner.
If you are willing to sell yourself for a ride home, then you are just a prostitute. Unless the cabbie threatened you, there was no coercion, just a sense of obligation. That’s why guys pay for dinner.
David Red
Sounds fake. If it did happen, then he is a whore, not a rape victim.
Transiteer
You got a ride home for a bj? Good deal. Get over it.
hellogorgeous
@AxelDC: Legally, a person cannot give consent if he or she is drunk, so everything that happened was non-consensual. Despite the law, I wouldn’t consider this rape because it’s not really clear what happened or which party “initiated” the act. Considering it was non-consensual (at least in the eyes of the law), he has some sort of case, but if the story, as it’s presented here, were taken to court, the most it would be considered is sexual assault, not rape.
Roy Lewis
It was consensual sex
NoCagada
‘mylordm9 says he “can’t swallow anything” and feels “real shitty.” ‘
Probably an oral case of the incurable gonorrhea
Mark Villnave
He new what he was doing!!!
J.T.
In Buenos Aires they call the male prostitutes “taxi boys” but it’s usually not taken literally. Personally I think this guy exchanged sex for a free ride. Sort of like a hoe.
Rich Young
You cannot rape the willing!
Jp De la Cruz
How old is this guy? 5 yrs old or over 18. Somebody must never drink again.
frenchjr25
I agree with a lot of the other commenters. This man could have easily gotten out of the cab and found another way home. He chose to do the opposite. It is not rape no matter how he might feel the next day. He was not forced to have sex nor was he coerced. Having bad feelings after a sexual encounter does not equal rape.
Jamey Arnold
This isn’t an Onion article???
SpunkyBunks
Guys are always pulling their wangs out at me and telling me to suck it! That’s just part of being an attractive gay man. You learn to deal with it!
Obviously the cabbie knew his passenger was a gayelle, and that’s why he did it. He wouldn’t have done that to a straight guy. No, it’s not rape. The cabbie had a sixth sense that the passenger could give good head, that is all.
Mr-DJ
It doesn’t seem that he went through the “No means No” scenario. If he had refused and asked to be let out, and was then forced physically or via threats, then it would have been considered rape. Instead, he consented, and then being sober the next day, regretted his choice. And while I am absolutely opposed to rape, this is what happens all too often with young ladies where both parties are drunk, she gives in, she cries rape the next day when she regrets that bad choice she made, or more likely who she did it with. So then the result is similar to “crying wolf”. Makes it harder to always take rape as seriously as it should, when sometimes – yes, it could NEEDLESSLY ruin a young man’s life.
thrutch
We need to stop using rape as the go to word for forms of sexual assault. Sadly what happened to this man was non-consensual sexual assault from a person in a position of power. He has hopefully approached a counsellor and is working through what has happened to him.
lets break down what happened
A) A taxi driver approaches an intoxicated man who has missed the train and does not have money. He offers a ride and verbally confirms that he is not asking for anything in return.
B) The man gets in the cab thankful for the ride.
C) On the way the taxi driver exposes his erect penis and asks the man to suck his penis, this was non physical sexual assault.
D) The man who is now being driven home feels guilty about this cab ride that is no free, maybe he misunderstood the nothing in exchange part of the conversation, he might try the door to find it locked, hes in an enclosed space with a man he can’t pay who is driving him home. He succumbs to the pressure from the sober taxi driver and engages in fellatio. This now brings us to non consensual sexual assault by a person in power.
E) The man gets home, he starts looking at what has happened. He has issues around it, he goes online looking for a help. In response get a bunch of he asked for it, it was consensual bullying from the online community. He may or may not get the STI check and the counselling he needs.
F) The taxi driver gets away with it, he might try again with someone else.
@SpunkyBunks when a guy exposes himself to you without your consent that itself is a form of sexual assault. The deliberate presentation of genitals to another person in a sexual way without their knowledge or consent is not okay. You shouldn’t have to deal with it. It shouldn’t happen.
JuCarCar
But was the taxi driver hot?
David Bower
Nick Young
Todd.Brooklyn
Beer Goggles is not rape – you were drunk and a bit slutty – get over it and move on
J.T.
Suppose the cab driver had pulled up and said, “I’ll drive you home if you give me a blowjob?” Could he cry rape then?
dave lopes
Ridiculous.
An insult to real rape victims.
He was not that drunk as he clearly negotiated a ride home and stated that he asked the cab driver if it was free.
polarisfashion
If he had no money, maybe he could have went back to the party to sleep and then catch a morning train. Or maybe he should have bummed so money or a ride home from a friend. Did he have a credit card for the cab fair?
I don’t think he can claim rape because he was able to perform oral sex on someone. I thought most drunk rape victims were passed out and then penetrated by someone. What is the cab drivers side of the story? If some drunk guy offered him a bj for a ride home then it is not rape at all.
I hate it when people are slut shamed, no one ever deserves to be raped. But this guys story is fishy to me. Could he just have offered to pay the driver when he got home? Even if he had no cash, I can’t believe they didn’t stop at an ATM machine.
Saint Law
He should count himself lucky. All I got was a 10% discount.
Too much teeth apparently.
Saint Law
And if there’s one thing guaranteed to make you feel better – that’s telling everybody on Reddit about it afterwards.
jar
@hellogorgeous: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. You are flat wrong about the law. Drunk is not the same as incapacitated. One cannot give consent if one is incapacitated. It’s a much higher standard. It’s a good rule to think through your belief before spouting it as fact. For example, if you were correct, no drunk patron would ever have to pay for his drinks because he lacked the ability to consent to the contract.
This infantilizing of young people is showing its really pathetic side as time marches. We have young adults who are incapable of embracing their own agency. They seem to think that every bad decision they make must be blamed on someone else. Grow up and learn to face the consequences of your decisions. This guy was incapable of catching his train, didn’t allow any extra money in case that happened, took a ride from a guy, blew him, and then regretted it in the morning. Juvenile behavior. There would be a number of lessons to learn from this experience if he weren’t so fixated on avoiding any responsibility. The first lesson- nothing is free. Lesson 2- don’t accept candy from a stranger.
barkomatic
Having consensual sex and then regretting it later doesn’t retroactively make it rape.
Daniel Stone-Lingenfelter
Hey Mikey
Um, maybe if this guy doesn’t want to regret the choices he makes when he’s drunk… he needs to drink a little less? Just sayin’.
P.S. With the price of cabs these days, I wish I knew that cab driver’s name.
Justin John Ronald Walker
He coulda got out of the car. Crying rape because of next day regret is pathetic.
Ron King
What….he expected change…
Doug Richards
He knew it was coming when he he too the ride ! sorry ,nothing is free !
Giancarlo85
I can’t believe people actually believe a story on reddit. This story in particular has way too many inconsistencies. It isn’t believable. It sounds like someones fantasy.
Jim Messenger
Happens all the time.
Jim Messenger
Ease up here Frank… April Fool Jokes… Live a little.
Benj Curtis
You chose to put the dick in your mouth…rape should not be used as a replacement for poor judgement so someone can make excuses for bad decisions after drinking to much.
hellogorgeous
@jar: I’m sorry if you had a bad day or something, but there’s no need to take it out on me; if you believe I’m wrong, be a gentleman (or lady) about it, not an asshole. Contrary to what you say, it’s you that doesn’t understand. Different states have different definitions for the word “incapacitated,” so don’t pretend there’s “the [one] law,” as you put it or one definition.
While you’re correct that “drunk” and “incapacitated” are two different standards, in the context of what I’m referring to, they’re pretty much interchangeable because where I’m from, “incapacitated” means: “temporarily incapable of appraising the nature of one’s own conduct or physically unable to express unwillingness to act.” So basically any person who is drunk, is also “incapacitated.” The guy claims: “This of course should have been a red flag but I was drunk…” which indicates to me that his level of intoxication (in my state voluntary or involuntary doesn’t affect whether a person is “incapacitated”) proves a “temporary incapability of appraising the nature of his own conduct,” which falls under the category of “incapacitated.” He implied that because he was drunk, he did something that he normally would know is dangerous and stupid, which proves that his level of drunkenness was high enough to interfere with his ability to “appraise the nature of his own conduct,” making him “incapacitated.”
All it takes for a person to be convicted of sexual assault (in the third degree) in my state is if: “the offender engages in sexual contact with a person who the offender knows is (a) mentally incapable; (b) incapacitated; or (c) unaware that a sexual act is being committed.” The cab driver engages in a blowjob with the guy in the article, who falls under the category of (b), incapacitated; the blowjob is considered “sexual contact,” and there’s his case for sexual assault. Will he win? Who knows? Though, my original point still stands that he does have a case (according to the laws in my state).
Now maybe where you live, the laws aren’t quite like this, but before you call me out, consider that there’s no one right answer; law isn’t that black and white. Your analogy to the patron at the bar is completely irrelevant in the context of sexual assault, which is the only thing I’m talking about. I hope that in the future, you’ll be a little more considerate with your responses to others, instead of attacking them, angrily (or what ever other adverb accurately describes your emotion at the time).
OrlandoAnd Raydell
Lmfao
SFHarry
I think a little more information is needed.
When he says he was so afraid what does he mean. Did the cabbie somehow threaten him or could he have just said sorry I’m not interested and the cabbie would have been bummed but not retaliatory?
Jeremy Coburn
So scared because a guy whips his dick out? I dunno about this one. I don’t know any gay man who is afraid of dick. He could have just gotten out of the taxi. Sound a bit like this person is crying for attention.
Scott Deer
No that makes him a whore
Mark Pointon
Wouldn’t be the first time that’s ever happened…
ShaunNJ
I think it’s fuzzy (kind of like when one is drunk). It seems the passenger was able to articulate his lack of fare and unwillingness to “do anything” in exchange – it sounds like he’s been in this situation before. What would he have to do – offer stock tips? Future babysitting? Home-cooked meal? What’s unclear in the article is why he became afraid and how the request for BJ occurred. I can’t discern if driver made a threat about calling police, or of violence or exposed himself and made suggestion. What caused the fear and coercion? How drunk was passenger – too drunk for consent or drunk enough to be uninhibited (or paranoid)? My two cab driver “encounters” were consensual- and I had the full fare plus tip – just an extra bonus for both.
Cam
@thrutch:
According to your comment lets see, the man was raped and the online community bullied him.
The fact that people are calling disagreeing with somebody bullying is beyond disgusting, and you should be ashamed of yourself comparing what some kids go through, enough to get them to kill themselves or in other instances is enough that they die from the “Bullying” to somebody reading that somebody else disagrees with them.
This man had the right to ask his question, he does not have the right to not hear what people think when he does ask.
esemple
He raped the cab driver.
ramonromano
Why was he in the front seat? Seems a little difficult to give a bh from the back seat?
Do people ride up front in cabs often??
Andy D Germanotta
Sometimes you’re just young and dumb and scared and of course drunk AF. The guy took advantage of the situation for sure. I don’t consider this rape but I do consider that taxi driver an asshole/douchebag.
MissMole NZ
No cash for ride home uses the only other thing he has to offer. deal was made. BJ for ride. What he wanted a signed contract? Or maybe be swallowed? Seemed to me the dude thought he was maybe worth more than the ride fare home? Next time arsehole strike a better deal and stop being a wanker.
Alex Goodman
was this you Wes Cannon?
jar
@hellogorgeous: Nope. You’re trying to graft your own definition of incapacitated onto the statute. It doesn’t work that way. This guy was not legally incapacitated. If you research the law of your state, I assure you you will discover that mere drunkenness does not satisfy the standard. It’s bsic black letter law.
Mykaels
No, you were not raped. You were stupid.
da90027
It was Assault With a Friendly Weapon….this is really a stupid story…
Larry L Trafford
Girl
Stache99
If it ever goes to court it would be interesting hearing the details. Did you swallow or just jerk him off the rest of the way sir?
Stache99
Story sounds fake. Who doesn’t carry a card now a days. Then again this fool has to take the train everywhere so that might tell you something too.
thrutch
@Cam: What is happening is bullying. When someone comes to you and says they think they have been sexual assaulted the response should not be comments of he asked for it, you consented, get over it, your story is fake, you’re stupid. The response should be maybe you should talk to somebody about what happened, I’m sorry that it happened, how are you coping. Not oh just cause you regret doing doesn’t make it rape. He experienced something that is affecting him emotionally and mentally. The internet just told him that those experiences aren’t valid. How do you think thats gonna help his mental state. There are aways to be supportive and disagree with opinion. Talk about the likelihood of this every going to trial, your disagreement with the laws in the take the debate away from his story and make it an overall discussion around consent.. Back it up, but always start with from the place of compassion for the individuals experience.
Paco
@thrutch: “The internet just told him that those experiences aren’t valid.”
Erm… He was the one that ran to Reddit, of all places, to get some sort of consensus from the Internet hive mind. If you have to ask the Internet to decide if you have been assaulted or not, were you really? If he feels bad about his poor choice, he should seek out counseling, and not put it up for a vote on the net.
The thing that makes me question the story is this…
“I’d pay if it was cheaper but I didnt want to have to do anything for it.”
Why would he automatically assume the cab driver was going to want sex in exchange for a ride?
rikard
rejoice dear you are evidently the long lost heir to the royal family of the land of Drama. you are queen there and may now go rule your loyal subjects who will indulge your every whim.
hellogorgeous
@jar: I don’t have “my own definition of incapacitated,” it’s Alaska’s state definition of what it legally means to be “incapacitated”. And I assure you, in my state, this guy has a case. Maybe you should follow your own rude and sardonic advice: “…to think through your belief before spouting it as fact.”
dustashed
who knew queerty has its fair share of opinionated readers with a knack for interpreting the laws of the land 😀
eitherway, it’s not only an entertaining post but one that brought queerty tons of views and comments
Rodolfo Valderramos
Javier Flores???
notevenwrong
@hellogorgeous, aren’t you going down the path of making rapists of all of us, including perhaps yourself? How, besides ESP, are we supposed to tell if someone who appears plainly functional is “incapacitated”?
hellogorgeous
@notevenwrong: No – I’m not, but perhaps certain state legislatures are; it’s not like I created these laws or anything. Once again, my only argument is that in my state, this guy has a case for sexual assault NOT rape; that’s ALL I’m saying. I don’t think he would win; I mean If I were the judge, assigned to this case, I’d probably die of laughter (sorry if that’s insensitive). In other words, I don’t really agree with the laws of my state or it’s definitions, but I’m just stating what they are/how they could be interpreted, here in Alaska. And your last question is one for the lawmakers and the lawyers because they’re the ones who create and interpret these statutes; they consistently go back and forth in court about the answer because things like that are so ambiguous and conditional.
iMarty
I understand law and reality are two very different things. He technically was legally raped, however, I do not feel he was realistically raped. He knew what he was doing – alcohol does not truly destroy one’s logically reasoning, only diminishes it. He’s clearly a weak human being and now feels some need to air out his embarrassment to help him deal with his mental issues. Instances like these only hurt those who’ve been both legally and realistically raped… Just because you were drunk and did something you normally do doesn’t make what happened to you rape. Sorry not sorry.
gaym50ish
Now, really, what gay man feels “terrible” about sucking a dick? What gay man cries “rape” if another man pulls it out? And if he didn’t like that particular dick and said no, what imagined consequences was he afraid of?
Sluggo2007
You can’t rape the willing.
machuffin
People are idiots. Sexual acts with a drunk person is not automatically rape unless you force them. Otherwise, probably more than 75% of all sex, including married conception, is rape. Second, just because he felt “scared” about what would happen if he didn’t blow the guy doesn’t mean the cab driver knew he was scared. He was being very forward, but had said he didn’t have to do anything for the ride, so the passenger assumed it was a REQUIREMENT. (Plus, he did say he came from a “gay party”, whatever that is. So he might have assumed the guy might be willing.) Even if it was going to be a requirement, why was he so scared something bad was going to happen to him if he didn’t blow him? The worst he could do is drop him off on the corner, unless he started the ride in the front, in which case he may have further given the cabbie the idea he was willing. Again, not that the cabbie was right to assume, or expose himself. But if he asked for a BJ and the guy just did it, that isn’t rape, no matter how bad the guy feels now. I mean, come on, at some point the guy has to be held responsible for his own actions. The world is not responsible for reading his mind or assuming because he is not speaking up that he might have a problem. Let’s be honest, how many gay guys’ Saturday nights does this encounter mirror? Including the drunkenness and somenody’s dick coming out? If you don’t want to do something but don’t say anything you are your own worst enemy.
Raquel Santiago
Both Federal and State laws are on his side of this story. Because he was intoxicated he was not of the proper state of mind to give proper consent therefore its considered rape or at the very least sexual battery.. Its the same as it would be for a woman. Because the cab driver initially said its ok get in you dont have to do anything then later done the opposite once he was in the cab was done under false pretenses. The problem the guy is going to have is in proving the act occurred because at this point unless there was a cab cam its he said only.
nerdybirdnerd
The cabbie didn’t technically rape him from what I’m hearing here, however it is perfectly understandable for him to feel that way. While the cabbie made no threats or attempts to coerce him he felt like not doing so would put him in danger.
highestbidder
I feel sorry for the guy and I can relate. When I was a young man I put myself in situations where I was sexually taken advantage of, a lot of it if not actually all of it was the result of my alcohol and drug use. I was very attractive and hadn’t yet developed an appropriate amount of self respect. I sometimes did and consented to things I didn’t want to do, and I agree it was my own fault for using my body as an ATM card. However another aspect of the situation is that young attractive men draw older men like roadkill draws crows, especially when they’re incapacitated. Older men that are more experienced in life and that know how to manipulate a much younger man and aggressively take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself. I eventually figured it out and quit drinking alcohol and using drugs after putting myself in one too many situations like that. This guy may be technically at fault but he is not morally at fault. He was taken advantage of by an older man in a position of power and felt compelled to sexually gratify the man after being promised that he wouldn’t have to. Asking whether he would regret the situation had the cabbie been young and hot is foolish and irrelevant. I hope he uses this life lesson to develop his core of inner strength and learn to resist being preyed upon by aggressors sexual or otherwise.
highestbidder
@iMarty: “realistic” rape? I guess that must be the same thing as “legitimate ” rape? “Sorry not sorry”? What a vile thing to say. I hope your mother is never “unrealistically” raped.