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Mitt Romney Auditions For New Job As Sex Advisor

Mitt Romney, the runner-up in last year’s presidential campaign, doesn’t have to work if he doesn’t want to. After all, his wealth was one of the biggest drags on his campaign. But Mitt just can’t help looking for work. His latest gig: advising Mormon graduates to have sex often and soon.

Only to have babies, of course.

And only when you’re married.

To someone of the opposite sex.

As the commencement speaker at Southern Virginia University (which is where you end up when you lose the presidential race), Romney advised the graduates not to wait until they were in their 30s or (gasp) 40s until they get married and procreate. “If you meet a person you love, get married,” he said. “Have a quiverfull of kids if you can.”

“Quiverfull” is not a random expression, but instead encapsulates an entire theological line of thought focused on traditional roles for women.

Of course, for Mitt kids are the point of sex, not the sex. Having a family forces young people to grow up, or as Mitt put it, “launch out into the deep.”

Just don’t count on God to finance all those kids. “I don’t think God cares whether you get rich,” Romney told the graduates.  “I don’t think he hopes that your business will make a huge profit.”  He also doesn’t hope you’ll end up in the White House either. For which we say, thank God.

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore

By:           John Gallagher
On:           May 6, 2013
Tagged: , ,

  • 4 Comments
    • Cam
      Cam

      This is a talking point straight from the church hierarchy.

      They tend to lose members if they don’t marry and have kids early. So many Mormons are in unhappy marriages because they came home from their Mission got married in a few months, immediately had a few kids, now it’s ten years later and the husband and wife realize that they don’t have anything to talk about and all they do is go to church functions.

      May 6, 2013 at 10:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CaptainFabulous
      CaptainFabulous

      Wow, how 50s of him. Just keep that 18 year old wife of yours barefoot and preggers and popping out kids every 2 years until you have a quiverfull of ‘em, or at least until her uterus falls out.

      So what if you can’t afford to feed and clothe them all? It’s not Mitten’s problem, he’s rich after all.

      May 6, 2013 at 10:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dvlaries
      dvlaries

      Doubtlessly is must have frustrated him that there was no way to phrase it without stepping into deep dogdirt, but who wants to bet he didn’t want to exempt those without lily white skin from his advice?

      May 6, 2013 at 4:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atomicrob
      Atomicrob

      Ever the saint, go forth and multiply…

      May 7, 2013 at 5:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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