Career Move

Mitt Romney Auditions For New Job As Sex Advisor

Mitt Romney, the runner-up in last year’s presidential campaign, doesn’t have to work if he doesn’t want to. After all, his wealth was one of the biggest drags on his campaign. But Mitt just can’t help looking for work. His latest gig: advising Mormon graduates to have sex often and soon.

Only to have babies, of course.

And only when you’re married.

To someone of the opposite sex.

As the commencement speaker at Southern Virginia University (which is where you end up when you lose the presidential race), Romney advised the graduates not to wait until they were in their 30s or (gasp) 40s until they get married and procreate. “If you meet a person you love, get married,” he said. “Have a quiverfull of kids if you can.”

“Quiverfull” is not a random expression, but instead encapsulates an entire theological line of thought focused on traditional roles for women.

Of course, for Mitt kids are the point of sex, not the sex. Having a family forces young people to grow up, or as Mitt put it, “launch out into the deep.”

Just don’t count on God to finance all those kids. “I don’t think God cares whether you get rich,” Romney told the graduates.  “I don’t think he hopes that your business will make a huge profit.”  He also doesn’t hope you’ll end up in the White House either. For which we say, thank God.

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore