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Ten Things HIV-Positive Guys Want Negative Guys To Know

When Donald Sterling dissed Magic Johnson for being promiscuous and unworthy, it was nothing new for people living with HIV. They’ve heard it all over the years. A lot of those misconceptions persist today, even (or maybe especially) among gay men. Our attitudes can be hurtful, stigmatizing, and even contradictory.

Let’s give HIV-positive gay men the chance to set the record straight, and break down ten things they would like the rest of us to know, based on research by Queerty writer Mark S. King. This list may not represent the views of every positive guy, but they definitely echo many of their most common frustrations.

1. All positive guys are not barebacking drug addicts

It’s probably human nature to try and find fault in the actions of those becoming infected. If we see them as extremists it helps the rest of us feel more secure in our own choices.

And yet the truth is that the majority of new infections occur within “primary relationships,” such as a lover or boyfriend, and usually because one partner did not know he was infected and then transmitted HIV to his partner. That’s why there’s such intense focus on getting tested and doing it regularly. New infections are typically not the result of some insane night at a meth-fueled sex party or a boozy night at the baths. It happens, sure, but that doesn’t make good ‘ol fashioned sex any safer. Leather or lace, it’s all the same to HIV.

2. Living with HIV is not a toxic horror show of medications

Yes, HIV usually requires medications and doctor visits. So does every chronic condition. With so many options for HIV drug therapies, side effects have been reduced drastically and ones in development will reduce them even further. Poz guys are not weeping every morning as they chug down pills with their morning coffee.

3. HIV infection does not automatically turn guys into dangerous liars

One of the most unfortunate misconceptions about positive guys is that they outright lie about their status just to get laid, or worse, are on a mission to infect others. Can we dial down the rhetoric about intentional transmission, please? What is true is that positive men often have trouble disclosing because of the very stigma that results from sensational rumors like this one. It is unfair to blame all positive men due to the reckless behavior of a relative few.

4. “Drug and Disease Free, UB2″ is every bit as stupid and non-productive as it sounds

If you are using this dangerous phrase as a filter for potential sex partners, you could be doing yourself more harm than good. We know positive guys who are undetectable are not infecting their partners, so rejecting people based on their status can be more discriminatory than practical. Besides, labeling someone as damaged goods or unworthy sucks, and if you’ve been on the receiving end of this practice you know how demoralizing it can be.

“UB2″ also sets you up for a false sense of security, because as one British study suggests, the risk of sex with someone who thinks they are HIV negative is higher than sex with an undetectable positive person. This is because the viral activity in a newly positive person can be incredibly high, and he may not even know it.

Of course, either way you have to know who you’re dealing with. So hold off on any risky moves until you know him well enough to be sure he’s negative (get tested together!) or be sure he’s taking his meds and is undetectable.

If you are compelled to demand your sex partner’s HIV status up front, consider a more respectful way to do it (“I tested negative as of this date. What about you?”). Asking if he’s “clean” or “disease free” just makes you look like a dick, especially since you don’t know what STDS you may have if you are sexually active at all.

5. Our health and risk behaviors are up to us and no one else

After decades of scientific and treatment research focused on those with HIV, new options are now available to sexually active negative men, such as Pre-exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP). This advance puts negative guys in control of their own infection risks. Yes, there’s been some concern about the toxicity of Truvada, the PrEP medicine, although new reports suggest that these have been overstated. Your own health is always in your hands through the choices you make — and they have nothing to do with the status of your partner, whether known or unknown. The blame game has never benefitted anyone, and the playing field has always been level, whether we acknowledge it or not.

6. Guys with HIV are not promiscuous… or have a rotten sex life… or no sex life

All of these are usually false, if you’re using the typical sex life of a single gay man as a barometer. We all have our moments. Sometimes our dance card is filled, sometimes there’s a drought, and sometimes the sex we have sucks, and not in a good way. And just like the rest of us, positive guys are getting their share and having satisfying, balls-to-the-wall sex when they’re lucky. Judging guys for the degree of action they are getting feels like an old, worn argument against all gay men that we could really do without.

This is just another example of trying to distance ourselves from positive guys by judging them as different from ourselves. They’re really not. Some are prudes, some are sluts. After all, it only takes one time. And isn’t a slut just someone who has more sex that you do?

7. How they got it and who gave it to them is none of your business

The details of someone else’s infection isn’t your personal soap opera or cautionary tale, no matter your good intentions. If poz guys feel like sharing it with you sometime, they will. Chances are they came to terms with it long ago and it’s probably not very interesting, anyway. They probably had sex and got HIV. The details are not yours for the asking.

8. If you need an HIV educator, go find one

Having HIV doesn’t come with a master class in epidemiology and HIV transmission. Every person with HIV is not an expert or a prevention specialist — or an activist. They are simply living with the virus. And if they do find themselves having to educate you about the simplest facts of HIV prevention, don’t be surprised if they are the ones that decline to have sex. Nothing kills the mood like HIV 101. And most positive guys aren’t going to be put into the position of talking anyone into bed. They probably have hotter, more enlightened options on their smart phone anyway.

9. Positive guys aren’t going anywhere soon

Recent studies suggest that someone becoming infected with HIV today in the United States has the same odds of living a normal life span as anyone else. Some research even suggests a life expectancy that is longer than average, because people with HIV see a physician more often and other health concerns can be identified and addressed sooner. They are also more likely to avoid drugs and alcohol, eat well and exercise regular, the keys to health and longevity.

Positive guys know this, and are living their lives with appreciation, joy, and an eye towards the future. There’s no reason for them to settle for second best. As infections continue and treatment improves, healthy HIV positive gay men are a growing population. It might be better to try and understand and respect them than hang on to outdated fears or biases.

10. Even more breakthroughs are coming

There is research underway that will continue to change the landscape and make life easier and less risky for both positive and negative. Rectal microbicides (lubes and douches that kill HIV on contact) are being tested. More medications to be used as PrEP are being developed, including injections that could offer protection from HIV infection for months rather than the regimen of a daily pill. Condoms are getting a makeover with new designs and sensitivity profiles. Before long, even modest risks of infection could be eliminated for those who take advantage of new technology. Treatments for HIV infections will become even less toxic and even more effective.

All this progress isn’t only significant in terms of HIV transmission rates. It could help bridge a viral divide that has troubled our community for well over a generation.

By:           Mark S. King
On:           May 23, 2014
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 182 Comments
    • Qjersey
      Qjersey

      Ten things AIDS, Inc., or the “unelected leaders” of the LGBT community wants negative guys to know.

      If you got a bunch of Poz guys in a room and asked them to list 10 things they wanted HIV negative guys to know…this would not be the list.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scribe38
      Scribe38

      @Qjersey: Instead of throwing stones which isn’t useful, why don’t you just post the items you think the list missed? As a nursing student and negative gay man I would be interested in other view points.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      HIV is a choice. If you want to avoid HIV, make wise choices.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • robirob
      robirob

      It’s unfortunate that gay men have to be told not to buy into negative stereotypes of HIV positive men, like, didn’t we all grow up with the exposure to all those negative stereotypes and derogatory names that homophobes say about gay people in general?

      The Gay Community is stronger in numbers when we embrace, accept, and support each other (HIV positive, HIV negative, older gays, younger gays, rich gays, poor gays, famous gays, non-famous gays, hairy gays, hairless gays, kinky gays, vanilla gays, horny gays, celibate gays, big equipment, small equipment, cut, uncut, etc.). All those squabbles and drawing lines in the sand divides don’t get us anywhere in the long run.

      May 23, 2014 at 7:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • robirob
      robirob

      @michael mellor: Wise choices can turn you into a recluse potentionally, because you consider it unwise to trust other people. I’ve been there during the late 90s where the fear of HIV and AIDS made me socially awkward to say the least.

      May 23, 2014 at 7:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      We have lost the meaning of the term is SAFER SEX…not safe sex…while people make choices…sex is a two way street and sometimes someone leads the other person blindly across.
      Imagine this:
      You both have been with your partner for 6 months or 2 years or 5 years or 10 years
      You are pleased and decide to talk about not wearing condoms
      You and your partner go get tested together of which they are both negative
      Your partner has sex with someone (maybe a mutual friend who does not know his status because well he just does not) after this declaration that is “less than safe”…also the mutual friend is living in a box in a box in box keeping secrets from himself.
      He does not share the indiscretion with you because it was one time and “well you just can’t get it like that.”
      You continue to have unsafe sex under the guise that you are both negative and committed until HIV makes itself known to you both
      I strongly feel that that the majority of new infections happen this way and not the rampant sex with a stranger in a back room

      May 23, 2014 at 7:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Qjersey
      Qjersey

      @Scribe38: So it’s throwing stones to point out the obvious bias of this post?

      If as a nursing student and a gay men you want to hear other viewpoints, why don’t you go talk to some HIV positive men. Or better yet, ask your instructors to include material on what it’s like living with HIV.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      Here is another thing one should know:

      No-one with an undetectable viral load, gay or heterosexual, transmits HIV in first two years of PARTNER study..

      Statistical analysis shows that the maximum likely chance of transmission via anal sex from someone on successful HIV treatment was 1% a year for any anal sex and 4% for anal sex with ejaculation where the HIV-negative partner was receptive; but the true likelihood is probably much nearer to zero than this.

      This as low as PrEP and/or condoms…

      http://www.aidsmap.com/No-one-with-an-undetectable-viral-load-gay-or-heterosexual-transmits-HIV-in-first-two-years-of-PARTNER-study/page/2832748/?utm_source=NAM-Email-Promotion&utm_medium=conference-bulletin&utm_campaign=English

      May 23, 2014 at 8:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ew
      ew

      “Positive guys know this, and are living their lives with appreciation, joy, and an eye towards the future.”

      As a negative guy, I’m also looking towards the future, and I choose to not have sex with positive men so that I have a future to look forward too, rather than one filled with expensive medications. Of course, that means being responsible now- and making good choices now- which a lot of men struggle to do. No one is perfect though.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      Four HIV negative gay men hold back nothing as they discuss their sex lives, their fears, and what they really think of HIV positive gay men.

      Produced by blogger Mark S. King (MyFabulousDisease.com).

      May 23, 2014 at 8:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      24 People On What It’s Like Living With HIV

      http://thoughtcatalog.com/charlie-shaw/2013/09/24-people-on-what-its-like-living-with-hiv/

      May 23, 2014 at 8:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mainnyc
      mainnyc

      @michael mellor: you’re an idiot. My mom was raped (rapist is in prison) and she passed it to me at birth. I chose? She chose?

      May 23, 2014 at 8:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • niles
      niles

      Displaying hostility to those of us who choose not to become infected by a chronic and potentially deadly disease is not helpful. You made your choice, now get off of our backs!

      May 23, 2014 at 9:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lykeitiz
      lykeitiz

      The ignorance of those posting that HIV is a “choice” is beyond offensive. Yes, there are some bare-backing bug chasers out there to be sure, but to make a blanket statement like that is as ignorant as to say that everyone who gets cancer deserves cancer because you don’t approve of a few chain smokers. Get a clue, you morons, because if you don’t, life will eventually beat one into you.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • petensfo
      petensfo

      Is this a troll infestation, or is it a case of youth imagining itself invincible, or just plain ignorance? HIV is not a choice. That’s a simplification that only a simpleton would make.

      There are obvious risky behaviors and bad choices, but that’s only ever been part of the story. Get some humility because life has lots of surprises in store. A little kindness goes a long way.

      I’m negative and plan to stay that way, but sex is messy business & things happen.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      My problem with this whole thing about stigmatizing guys who have HIV is that nobody should have to go through life suffering for one thing they did when they were young.

      Maybe they believed the wrong guy, maybe their partner cheated and gave it to them, maybe they slept around a bunch and weren’t careful. But the fact that something somebody did when they were 20 is still effecting their daily life at 40 just seems very unfair to me.

      I am not saying that it would be perfectly easy dating a POZ person, there would be issues to work out including fears of transmission etc… but some of the people on this post need to stop attacking them with the whole “You were stupid and made bad choices and now it’s your fault” thing. I have a feeling if there were video of every decision all of you made in your lives there would be PLENTY of moments of stupidity, they just aren’t still effecting you years later. So give those guys a break.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gskorich
      gskorich

      11. if you have unprotected sex your chances of contracting anything is much greater. protect yourself. if you are negative do all you can to stay that way. if you are positive do all you can to stop the spread of HIV. simple as that.

      I’m really surprised by people reactions to finding out they are positive. they know the sex they are having. remaining negative is a personal choice.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rob rubright
      rob rubright

      Being a long term survivor of HIV(since 1979), I find these “make a better choice” comments offensive and unhelpful. Living through the fear of the 1980s and the backlash we got from people, I saddens me to see our own being so hurtful to one another. The attitude, “I am better than you because I am negative,” shows the true nature of uncaring and uneducated individuals. I wish for their sake, they never experience a tragedy in life, they won’t have the skill set to cope and no one will be there for them – except perhaps for a person that have love in their hearts and knows forgiveness.

      May 23, 2014 at 11:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • guyinphilly
      guyinphilly

      First I want to thank Queerty for addressing this issue! I have found that most people I have talked to in the gay community, choose to be ignorant of the facts about HIV because they don’t want /think about it in their lives.

      May 23, 2014 at 11:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheNewEnergyDude
      TheNewEnergyDude

      @Qjersey: Uh, yeah…and Scribe asked *you*. So why don’t you just answer him since you seem to have a different list. Frankly, I’d like to see it, too. Perhaps it’s something many of us here could benefit from. Thanks.

      May 23, 2014 at 11:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dgraser
      dgraser

      I had boyfriend who are positive. and Im negative. I have no problem with it.

      May 23, 2014 at 12:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vonric
      vonric

      @rob rubright: as someone who contracted HIV in 1980/81 and had the symptomology “go live” seven years later, and who has lived through the inevitable drug crash that the early meds shaped…. Could not agree more. I have never revealed my status in the workplace, given the hysteria associated with “can I get it from touching you/using the same silverware” bs that most totally uninformed laypersons have. And, it is ironic that the undiagnosed HIV+ individual is massively more able to transmit the disease than those of us who maintain medical compliance and thus have an undetectable viral load for years, sometimes decades.

      Did I “choose” to contract HIV+? Given that the disease was defined and codified in 1981, nope, not really. is there a profound bias against HIV+ men, and an utterly naive understanding of the risks of unprotected behavior with men who are undiagnosed with the virus in a highly active state? Yep.

      May 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bearbandit
      bearbandit

      Thank you rob rubright! In retrospect I seroconverted in 1980 (documented seroconversion rash). This was brought home to me recently by my HIV consultant: he’d been taught by my first HIV consultant. The spread of HIV since its discovery has more to do with the attitude of guys who haven’t, or don’t believe, they have HIV: face it – it’s the first insult that comes to mind. It’s why I have a visible biohazard tattoo: a political finger aimed at those who want to do us down. The safest guy to have sex with is the guy who’s HIV+ and taking his medication to remain undetectable.

      Lifestyle choice? Don’t make me laugh. Who wants to have the energy to walk for only a few hundred yards, have permanent pain in their feet, be literally anorexic (without appetite for food), fatigued 24 hours a day, need a walking stick for balance? Just a few features of my lifestyle.

      May 23, 2014 at 12:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • GQ83
      GQ83

      You know…. Nothing that people say anymore especially negitive things seem to surprise me. For all you HIV neg gentlemen out there…good for you. I am HIV positive and have been since 2009. I was not a man whore, i don’t do drugs or share needles, i was in a Monogamous relationship and he gave it to me. He didn’t know he had it and had gotten tested after we decide to become serious. So when people say things like ” make better choices” just lets me know how uneducated some of you really are, you don’t even know that your being hurtful. With that being said. I am a very healthy 30 year old male living my life as i should, The only down fall that i’ve experienced is finding somebody who actually cares about me enough to want to be with me…i’m very lonley and reading some of your comments don’t make it any easier. Just my 2 cents…thats all.

      May 23, 2014 at 12:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tony Johnston
      Tony Johnston

      I was agreeing up until #4. I see profiles of positive guys that say they’re only interested in poz, and I’m not offended by it at all. Never understood why the reverse seems to be an issue or cause for character assassination.

      May 23, 2014 at 1:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bearbandit
      bearbandit

      @Tony Johnston: Because of the simple fact that the only people who can be sure of their HIV status, as far as sex goes, are virgins and PwHIV. You can’t prove a negative. All a negative result means is that up to three months ago you didn’t show HIV antibodies in your blood. You can get a negative test result during the window period, before antibodies have formed, or you can pick up HIV the very next day or up to three months later. Negative test results are not reliable.

      As a positive man I prefer to limit my sexual partners to guys with HIV for fear that someone who thought they were negative suddenly gets a positive test result. There are strong legal implications involved. Personally I don’t see that the law has anything to do with who I have sex with, but it seems people who think they’ve negative need to be protected by the law and the perceived positive partner needs to be punished. In other words we, the HIV+, are made responsible for your, the HIV-, safety. If you say “let’s not bother with condoms tonight” and you get HIV it’s our fault.

      The guy most likely to give you HIV is the guy who thinks he’s HIV- but is actually HIV+. In the UK we know we have about 100,000 PwHIV of whom only 76,000 are known (UK law allows for anonymised testing of blood samples). That, in itself, is a very good reason for avoiding the “I’m neg, UB2″ culture.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Qjersey: “this would not be the list.” So I too want to know what they should be including or are you just being a duc*bag.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @niles: No one’s sounding hostile but you. You should look into that.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @gskorich: ” I’m really surprised by people reactions to finding out they are positive”

      That’s not what this article was about. Is it possible for you to come down off the soapbox and actually read and hear what they’re saying.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @rob rubright: You’re right Rob. I think it’s the worst side of human nature.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Tony Johnston: That’s not it. Lumping it in with drugs or “are you clean” is what they mean.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @michael mellor: So Michael have you learned anything. Care to share>>

      May 23, 2014 at 2:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Spike
      Spike

      @Qjersey: I would tend to agree, the list is a little to polished, preachy and pamphet.esg.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      HIV is a choice. If you choose to gamble sexually with unhealthy people, you are putting yourself on the line. HIV doesn’t happen unless you allow it to happen.

      May 23, 2014 at 2:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gskorich
      gskorich

      @bear bandit: if you continue to have safe sex and get tested on a regular basis then chances are you are negative, not just the window period. don’t have unsafe sex and you should be fine. don’t trust someone when they say they are negative until you know that they are. if you aren’t monogamous then don’t tell people you are

      May 23, 2014 at 2:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @gskorich: Thanks for the “no shit public service announcement” but what does any of that have to do with Bear Bandit’s post?

      May 23, 2014 at 3:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jonjct
      jonjct

      Who me fu*k a positive guy? No way. I had the chance to be in a relationship with a poz guy, but I turned it down. I explained passionately that it made me too nervous. We both felt the loss. But I walked away feeling like I had done something politically incorrect. Are we negative guys expected to behave as if it doesn’t matter if a guy is positive? It DOES matter. I get drunk and I use drugs and that increases my risk. And, accidents happen. So say whatever you want, I’m not going to date or fu*k a positive guy.

      (And yeah, that pos guy I turned down, he went on to jump into a relationship with someone else, and because he was afraid of rejection he didn’t tell the new partner his status. IDK the rest).

      May 23, 2014 at 3:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Wilberforce
      Wilberforce

      So here are the same self-destructive emotional problems we’ve seen since the 80s.
      Negatives have to have sex with positives, or their feelings will be hurt. The risk behaviors of positives are their own business, without regard to whom they might hurt. Negatives automatically stereotype positives, which hurts their feelings. HIV has nothing to do with choices. It just falls out of the sky randomly.
      Once again it’s all about you.
      For thirty years, we’ve had all the info we need to stop HIV. Get tested. Talk about it. Use a condom always, even with your partner.
      It’s so hard to understand because the culture is still full of self-hatred, and is not mature enough to set responsible standards for the community.

      May 23, 2014 at 3:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Wilberforce: @jonjct:
      I actually went back and re read it. No where did they talk about negative guys should be having sex with positive guys or should be feeling guilty because they aren’t. Apparently, you guys either didn’t take the time to read it or read something somewhere else.

      Again, for those that are reading impaired..
      1. All positive guys are not barebacking drug addicts
      2. Living with HIV is not a toxic horror show of medications
      3. HIV infection does not automatically turn guys into dangerous liars
      4. “Drug and Disease Free, UB2? is every bit as stupid and non-productive as it sounds
      5. Our health and risk behaviors are up to us and no one else
      6. Guys with HIV are not promiscuous… or have a rotten sex life… or no sex life
      7. How they got it and who gave it to them is none of your business
      8. If you need an HIV educator, go find one
      9. Positive guys aren’t going anywhere soon
      10. Even more breakthroughs are coming

      May 23, 2014 at 3:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      @Stache99: THANK YOU more information can be listened to hear for those who choose not to read:

      May 23, 2014 at 3:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bearbandit
      bearbandit

      @gskorich: @gskorich: If you’d read my posts properly you’d know that I’m a long term survivor of HIV with a restrospective seroconversion in 1980 (nothing else looks like seroconversion rash). I was arguing for the fact that I serosort (in the absence of PrEP in the UK and recognising TasP – I’ve been undetectable for years: I’m shooting blanks) for other positive guys on the basis that they tend to have their heads around the whole HIV thing. I recognise two HIV statuses: HIV+ and HIV unknown. You can’t prove a negative.

      May 23, 2014 at 4:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ihadtosayit
      Ihadtosayit

      The truth is many HIV negative men see themselves as SUPERIOR to those who are HIV positive and that underlines the BIGGEST problem…the more gay men shame and discriminate against others the more likely they are NOT to be told the truth when ‘hooking up” or even in a relationship with another person…this is not just for HIV but for many areas such as drug use, financial matters, fidelity and the list goes on and on…

      If you lack compassion and understanding then trust me it will not be given to you when you may want it or even need it the most…

      Gay men are continually seeking define their standing in society I remember when EVERYONE one trying to get those gym body and we broke that by being much more inclusive with hairier men, skinnier men, even men of color were able to be a part of our culture. Now it is time for those who are HIV+ to be allowed to sit at the table without shame and/or judgment.

      Sure there are some segments of gay men who are as separatists as a KKK meeting from the early 19th century but they are a dying breed because many people are refusing their judgments that amount to nothing. Gay men of color, overweight gay men, HIV+ gay men and others are either demanding their spot at the table or letting them know that they are fine without them…

      REMEMBER: INCLUSIVE NOT EXCLUSIVE and that does not only mean for sexual activity but for all areas!!

      May 23, 2014 at 4:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • joey
      joey

      i know a couple like the ones described in a post above, that is they were both monogamous for the most part, one had sex with another close friend who had no idea he was poz, now my friend is poz, somehow his bf is not. i also had sex with them about that time,although i did use a condom all kinds of shit could still have happened. SOMEHOW i was very very lucky and am neg. shortly after that i was diagnosed with hep b. now i am on some tenofovir drug ( thats lists horrible side effects) for the rest of my life. all this was just over 2 years ago. and although i had a very fun, active and crazy sex life up to this point,i haven’t had sex since. i just cant i am too terrified. this shows that no matter how careful AND TRUSTING you try to be it doesn’t matter, someone will lie to you or maybe they dont even know their status. if yoyu want to be 100% SURE WITH NO DOUBT dont have anal sex. i am happy i dont have to get tested anymore it was HORRIBLE waiting for results after all that bullshit i went through at least i never have to get tested again

      May 23, 2014 at 5:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scout
      Scout

      I am negative. I am too not having sex. I have been vaccinated against Hep B. I have been celibate for nearly 10 years. Too afraid of getting HIV. I have been waiting for an HIV vaccine for long it seems like it will never arrive.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scout
      Scout

      *for so long

      May 23, 2014 at 5:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      @michael mellor: Real ignorance like you display is the real choice. Your comment sounds just like the simple and simplistic, moralizing and mostly idiotic, if not downright hateful pseudo-superiority and plain dumbness that this article is trying to dispel. Have several friends who were fooled or tricked into being exposed exactly by such pomposity, totally bigoted bravura and brain-dead close-mindedness.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      @ew: Good luck to you, as the seemingly clear path is often the most dangerous one. Simple answers seldom answer life’s many situations.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • azpunky
      azpunky

      My partner and I have always used condoms. We’ve been together for 14 years. It’s not because we don’t trust each other, it’s simply more hygienic. I don’t understand why some guys take such a negative view of condoms that they would risk infection (not just from HIV – plain old bacterial infections are easily possible with anal sex). Condom technology has come a long way, they are very sensitive, you’re really not missing anything (yes, I’ve had unprotected sex, I am speaking from experience). I think way too much effort these days is spent on de-stigmatizing HIV+, and not nearly enough on the basics – building a culture where using condoms is the expected norm. I know too many guys, especially those in their ’20s, who think going bareback is worth the risk because they don’t like condoms- it’s an attitude and view that they validate and promote with each other, because unlike back in the ’80s when condon use was socially expected, there’s a large chorus of “condoms suck” prevalent today.

      That’s my view as an HIV- person. I’m not judging anyone for having the disease, but to turn around and tell our gaybies that your life is better since you got it is really irresponsible.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @azpunky: Once again to all you reading impaired soapbox queens..

      1. All positive guys are not barebacking drug addicts
      2. Living with HIV is not a toxic horror show of medications
      3. HIV infection does not automatically turn guys into dangerous liars
      4. “Drug and Disease Free, UB2? is every bit as stupid and non-productive as it sounds
      5. Our health and risk behaviors are up to us and no one else
      6. Guys with HIV are not promiscuous… or have a rotten sex life… or no sex life
      7. How they got it and who gave it to them is none of your business
      8. If you need an HIV educator, go find one
      9. Positive guys aren’t going anywhere soon
      10. Even more breakthroughs are coming

      May 23, 2014 at 5:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      @niles: Could anyone actually be so insane or insulated or self-obsessed that they actually think people “chose” to be positive? Maybe the media has distorted or produced this kind of thinking by hyping the “bug chasers” but I have never met one and I work with major gay health community organizations.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • azpunky
      azpunky

      I can read. I think you missed my point: there’s something wrong with the message when you are telling people, “Don’t worry about getting HIV, it’s nite a big deal.” It is a big deal.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • azpunky
      azpunky

      I can read. I think you missed my point: there’s something wrong with the message when you are telling people, “Don’t worry about getting HIV, it’s not a big deal.” It is a big deal.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      @michael mellor: Ever heard the expression, “the lady doth protest too much?” Watch out Michael, your persistent and massive ignorance is really tempting fate

      May 23, 2014 at 5:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      @gskorich: The whole point is that it is pretty difficult to ever know someone else truly is negative.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      @Wilberforce: @gskorich: @Wilberforce: The self hatred and delusions seem to be coming from your mirror.

      May 23, 2014 at 5:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @azpunky: If you did read it then where did they say that? I’m just curious.

      “there’s something wrong with the message when you are telling people, “Don’t worry about getting HIV, it’s nite a big deal.” It is a big deal.”.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      Oh, yes, HIV is so empowering. I want to have HIV. It will give me a new identity. I’ll be able to get a POZ tattoo on my arm. It will look so cool. I’ll also be able to take all these drugs that supposedly treat HIV but which actually wither my face and make me more sick than I actually am.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • azpunky
      azpunky

      This whole article is saying “it’s not a big deal,” but especially:

      2. Living with HIV is not a toxic horror show of medications
      10. Even more breakthroughs are coming

      And my point about promoting condom use, instead of articles like this one, speaks to these:
      3. HIV infection does not automatically turn guys into dangerous liars
      4. “Drug and Disease Free, UB2? is every bit as stupid and non-productive as it sounds
      5. Our health and risk behaviors are up to us and no one else
      7. How they got it and who gave it to them is none of your business
      9. Positive guys aren’t going anywhere soon
      — Just use flippin’ condoms and these are non-issues.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @michael mellor: Hey Jim Bryant and all the other troll names you like to go by. Obviously, you’re once again looking to draw attention to yourself. Hey look at me everyone! I’m a shithead being a shithead. Congrads to you.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheNewEnergyDude
      TheNewEnergyDude

      @azpunky: Ugh…couldn’t agree with you more, azpunky…it is very disconcerting when these gaybies in their 20s say “whatever” and “no big deal”.

      They think it’s a walk in the park, like having diabetes.

      It isn’t.

      They will see things like that “Normal Heart” playing on HBO this Sunday and will think “please…that’s fiction, and nothing like today”.

      No, we didn’t have the technology and medications we have today. But it’s still in no way a walk in the park.

      Hell, even us who grew up in the AIDS area when it first came out are to some degree not as concerned about it as we were back in the day.

      And there still is the stigma today with people who aren’t educated as much as they should be about it.

      I’m with you az. Wear a fucking condom. Every time. Assume every person you have sex with is positive. Protect yourself. Save taxpayer money. Be good to yourself.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      Look at me. I’ve got a POZ tattoo. It’s hot.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @azpunky:
      Hmm..where have I heard this before..

      I think the gay lifestyle is wrong and shouldn’t be talked about in any positive way other then it’s shameful. We don’t want our young involved in drug abuse and std’s which is rampant with those people.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • azpunky
      azpunky

      Excuse me , but HIV does not = gay.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dxley
      Dxley

      I see you all still hate each other

      May 23, 2014 at 6:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @azpunky: So in other words, you’re pro discrimination as long as it doesn’t effect you. Got it.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Dxley: No were just in intense disagreement. Come back in another 4 hours;)

      May 23, 2014 at 6:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • azpunky
      azpunky

      I’m not saying don’t talk about HIV or the experience of living with HIV, but it’sdestructive to glamorize the disease. Gay is the glamor, not HIV. Similarly, I’m all for glamorizing plus size people, but if you try to tell me that diabetes is hot, alarms will go off in my head.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      az punky,

      HIV-positive queens enjoy equating AIDS to homosexuality because they wish to spread the blame around.

      May 23, 2014 at 6:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tony Johnston
      Tony Johnston

      @bearbandit: I get all that, but you’re giving reasons why you feel it’s unreasonable for the next guy to be uncomfortable with knowingly having sex with an infected person. What I’m saying is–and with all due respect–maybe it’s none of your business. Just like it’s no one’s business that you limit your sexual partners to other poz guys. Someone could just as easily say your concerns are unreasonable as well. Here in the US, criminal transmission is not the easiest to prove, but if you feel it’s a valid threat in the UK, that’s your business…just like it’s another guy’s right to not deal with poz even if his risk of being infected is low.

      @Stache99: Lumping it in with drugs was only part of it. It’s also shaming guys requesting “UB2″ in reference to wanting disease-free partners.

      May 23, 2014 at 7:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scout
      Scout

      Is it wrong to be into disease free partners?

      May 23, 2014 at 7:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheNewEnergyDude
      TheNewEnergyDude

      @Stache99: “I think the gay lifestyle is wrong and shouldn’t be talked about in any positive way other then it’s shameful. We don’t want our young involved in drug abuse and std’s which is rampant with those people.”

      Where the fuck did you get *that* idea??? It certainly wasn’t from az

      Projecting much?

      May 23, 2014 at 7:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • toberlin
      toberlin

      85% of the world population is infected with Herpes-symplex (HSV-1).Do those guys who looking for “Disease Free” -guys ever get laid?
      And to all the guys here who blame/shame on guys who are positive:Do you really belive it is helpful to the HIV/STI Prevention?
      I am pretty sure People would much more think and talk about if HIV would be less stigmatized.And this would help a lot in the cause of Prevention.And it would help People who are already infected.
      In Germany the Conservative Party/conservative People block Gay/Lesbian sexual Education in Schools in the Federal State Baden-Würtemberg.Do anybody think it is helpful in any way?

      May 23, 2014 at 7:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @TheNewEnergyDude: AZ has made it clear that certain people he deems unworthy should only be talked about only in negative terms. I’m just comparing is all.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scout
      Scout

      Since kissing is important to me, I really stare at guys (harder with women-lipstick) lips first. HSV1 is triggered by sun/uv rays (and other things like dental surgery and stress among others). If I see a raised area, discoloration, or outright fever blister anywhere near the lip area, there is no kissing. I don’t believe HIV is all that comparable, it’s lethality is no longer 100%, but still more fearsome than fever blisters. Btw, I am not into shaming or blaming anyone for being positive, I have been around since the beginning and have lost so many people to this virus that I have lost count.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheNewEnergyDude
      TheNewEnergyDude

      @Stache99: I’m sorry, Stache….I’m really not clear as to where you’re seeing az did that. Please point it out…I’m really sincerely trying to figure out where you saw that.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scout
      Scout

      Toberlin, I think sex ed should include gays and lesbians. When I was told about sex ed and STDs the boys and girls were separated. The boys were told about sex and then told that “girls give boys diseases” and the girls were told the boys gave it to them. I left thinking how lucky boy-boy and girl-girl sex is, without the danger of disease.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • elijah snow
      elijah snow

      @michael mellor: except when we get hiv by being raped as kids, stupid hipster asshole.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • derek mcgillicuddy
      derek mcgillicuddy

      I have been infected since 1983: the first guy who fucked me — I recognise now that he was ill, but at the time in Tucson no one knew what was happening.

      I am writing to voice my astonishment at how uncaring our own gay brothers are towards us who are unfortunate to have become infected.

      I had a boyfriend of about one week (N.A.) & he recently accused me of trying to infect young men. The truth is I haven’t had sex in 14 years and have a boyfriend who is also + (infected by a different partner).

      I recently answered a CL ad and was accused by an unknown of keeping the “secret” to myself. I have to admit that I do not see it as an appropriate “ice-breaker.”

      What I want to say is that it wouldn’t hurt any one to show a bit of compassion. What strikes me especially as perverse is that our all-out “love-fest” of a community is the least likely to understand, in my opinion, what it is like to have a little virus. I only think of being hiv+ when I swallow my pills in the evening & when I read the ignorant who write (ddf ub2).

      It is just a virus & any one of you could acquire it. Acquiring compassion & understanding is a bit more challenging.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ghqueerty
      ghqueerty

      I’m poz, and it’s liberating. I don’t live my life in fear. THAT should be on the list above. I’m healthy undetectable. Life is good. I’m reading about a lot of fear and judgement in these comments – I feel sorry for the neg guys.
      And I have a policy: I don’t have sex with neg guys. Rules out a lot of people but it also eliminates a lot of BS, dealing with someone else’s fear and all the stuff a neg guy wont do with you. And I get plenty of great sex. Poz guys, simplify your life and do yourself and the neg guys a favor – let all the neg guys fk each other and let them worry about it. You and I will have all the fun.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • elijah snow
      elijah snow

      @niles: I guess you are a suburban white fuck.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robsjcfll
      Robsjcfll

      I am negative and have removed “UB2″ from my profiles. That said, I am very nervous about postings saying “undetectable.” Does that mean I have NO risk at all? I have an active sex life. I am over age 65. HIV is still a death sentence in the long run. I am too old for junior high school circle jerks. Older people have weaker immune systems. I think it is morally irresponsible for infected people to hide their status.

      May 23, 2014 at 9:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ghqueerty
      ghqueerty

      @Robsjcfll: Oh Rob, Life itself is a death sentence in the long run. Have you not realized that yet? Take basic precautions and stop worrying.

      May 23, 2014 at 9:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • joey
      joey

      @Robsjcfll: I agree I too was nervous about the undetectable term. As I’ve mentioned before I contracted hep b almost two yrs ago I’ve been on anti retrovirals and the doc says I’m “undetectable” . I’ve stopped having sex because in spite of what the doc says I would feel horrible if I gave it to someone if something wrong went down. I’m also too afraid to push my luck again too I guess.

      May 23, 2014 at 9:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • OrwellIsDead
      OrwellIsDead

      This list is hilarious!

      1. All positive guys are not barebacking drug addicts
      Maybe not, but the author of this article has gone on record multiple times about his love of barebacking and his addiction to meth, two factors that play a central role in the experiences of a lot (though not all) of positive men I know.

      2. Living with HIV is not a toxic horror show of medications
      Until you need to have your face completely reset by a surgeon to counteract the effects of said medications, as the author of this article did and you can see the gruesome footage in one of the author’s “whacky” videos right here: http://youtu.be/TI0DOy9AYsk

      3. HIV infection does not automatically turn guys into dangerous liars
      Perhaps not, but it doesn’t automatically turn them into anything other than human beings with the same potential to be moral or otherwise, just like everyone else, either.

      4. “Drug and Disease Free, UB2? is every bit as stupid and non-productive as it sounds
      Instead perhaps use words like “raw” and “breed” and the rest of the barebacker’s stupid and non-productive vernacular.

      5. Our health and risk behaviors are up to us and no one else
      And likewise. Stop telling negatives what we need to do and we’ll do the same by you.

      6. Guys with HIV are not promiscuous… or have a rotten sex life… or no sex life
      Which leaves us with what exactly? What a meaningless comment.

      7. How they got it and who gave it to them is none of your business
      So stop volunteering that very information 24/7.

      8. If you need an HIV educator, go find one
      Agreed. This means that the next positive that tells a negative to “get educated” gets told to present their counselling/educator credentials or shut their mouth.

      9. Positive guys aren’t going anywhere soon
      This sounds like some kind of threat. Aren’t we supposed to be working to smooth the gaps in the viral divide?

      10. Even more breakthroughs are coming
      Something the author knows and we don’t? Speculating on what may happen in the future is a fool’s game. And in any case, didn’t the author tell us in point 8 that if we wanted to learn about HIV to go find an educator? Now he wants us to go find a tarot card reader. Confused.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark
      Mark · Queerty Editor

      @OrwellIsDead: The time and effort you will invest, just to ridicule the views of others. Thanks for reading (and trolling)!

      May 23, 2014 at 10:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • OrwellIsDead
      OrwellIsDead

      Pleasure sweetie. Happy barebacking.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Duir
      Duir

      I’m HIV+ and always tell guys I’m interested in having sex with. I’ve had both good & bad reactions from neg. guys who didn’t want to have sex with me because I’m pos. If you’re uncomfortable having sex with someone who is hiv+, don’t. Just be respectful about it.

      May 23, 2014 at 10:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @OrwellIsDead: Mark has done allot to educate people about drugs and hiv whereas you’re just a sad POS troll that gets off putting people down. Do us all a favor sweetie and go jump off a cliff. Now that would truly be hilarious.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Mark: Mark please ban this troll.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • queerT
      queerT

      These are all hilarious, especially considering the source but for the sake of brevity I’ll stick to addressing 1 and 3.
      “And yet the truth is that the majority of new infections occur within “primary relationships,” such as a lover or boyfriend,and usually because one partner did not know he was infected and then transmitted HIV to his partner”
      Vague terms like “majority and “usually” are a liar’s best friend. Whether it’s even half of new infections from primary partners is debatable and “usually” it’s from relationships where they are aware it’s serodischordant. This isn’t the first time the author has pulled numbers out of his ass with no sources,
      Which leads me to #3. “HIV infection does not automatically turn guys into dangerous liars”
      HAHAHA! Well you wouldn’t know it from interacting with you!

      May 24, 2014 at 12:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • queerT
      queerT

      @Stache99: so typical (stamps foot)”these people are saying things I don’t like. Ban them!” It’s all about a “dialogue” or a “conversation” until one actually happens and then you people freak out. “go jump off a cliff” is there anything more clearly a personal attack? I doubt anything will happen to you though because you parrot the talking points the author wants to push through.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • toberlin
      toberlin

      OrwellIsDead how pitiful is your Life that you feel the pressure to write something this?This is sad….

      (My English is not getting any better althoug my German gets worser:BADEN-WÜRTTEMBERG)

      May 24, 2014 at 1:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael mellor
      michael mellor

      HIV is something I aim for. I want to have it so that I can attain a new identity. I can then play the victim card and accuse others of being phobic towards my new identity.

      May 24, 2014 at 1:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Random
      Random

      This is a great list and I do think it’s a good idea to encourage HIV negative guys – or rather guys who THINK they are HIV negative – to consider this issue.

      I would like to see the author provide a source for the following statement as I think it would be more powerful if properly referenced:

      ”…the truth is that the majority of new infections occur within “primary relationships,” such as a lover or boyfriend”

      May 24, 2014 at 7:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Random
      Random

      @michael mellor – Dude, just stop.

      May 24, 2014 at 7:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mainnyc
      mainnyc

      Never has ignorance rearered it’s head more so than in this post. I’m astonished at the levels of fear and ignorance.

      May 24, 2014 at 7:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NumberOne69
      NumberOne69

      @niles:

      You fuck nut! I was infected through a blood transfusion, which I, of course, chose to have happen. Right! Get a clue and pull your head out of your ass before you comment in a public forum!!!!!

      @michael mellor:

      The same goes for you Michael Mellor! Pull your head out of your ass before you comment!

      May 24, 2014 at 8:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • n1spirit
      n1spirit

      @michael mellor: You’re a moron. I always used condoms until I was in “what I thought” was a committed, long-term monogamous relationship. My partner WASN’T so monogamous as it turned out and brought the disease into our home and exposed me to it. (We were together for six and a half years.) So, did I make a damn choice to become HIV-positive? No, the only choice I made was to trust someone whom I then loved and knew to have once been negative, whom I mistakenly THOUGHT was being monogamous like myself. He wasn’t [monogamous] and when exposed… well, you get the idea, dumba$$.

      May 24, 2014 at 9:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Random
      Random

      Some of the people posting here completely exemplify the point about finding ‘…fault in the actions of those becoming infected.. helps the rest of us feel more secure in our own choices.’. What they are doing, ultimately, comes from a place of fear. It’s the same with all prejudice – they have to demonise people in order to justify their own irrational feelings and views. It’s no different to the ignorant and hate-filled bile we so often hear spewed by homophobes.

      May 24, 2014 at 10:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • KDub
      KDub

      @NumberOne69: Niles was referring to sexual transmission, which is a choice as long as condoms are an option.

      Why is this list so hostile? If it was meant to evoke understanding, the writer should know it reads more like a “f-ck you”. Of course you can’t really say all for anything. However, there are some things that seem to run common in the + crowd. All the + guys I’ve known on a personal level were quite promiscuous (bookstore/bathhouse promiscuous), had addictive personalities, and every last one admitted to a period where they “wanted to give it to everyone”. It’s also a good thing who they got it from is “none of our business” because they usually have no clue. Maybe blame for the stigmas should be shared?

      May 24, 2014 at 10:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben Dover
      Ben Dover

      As a poz person I’ve never understood point #7: “How they got it and who gave it to them is none of your business.”

      If I were single and were asked that question by someone who was obviously, potentially interested in having sex with me, I think it would be a perfectly appropriate question.

      Context would matter: I might resent mere idle curiosity but have almost never encountered that. The question tends to come from potential sex partners, and it’s not an idle one.

      In my case, it certainly IS a “cautionary tale”: I trusted someone to put on a condom to fuck me, and they took it off when I wasn’t looking. (Lucky I noticed at the end; maybe it happened in the past too and I didn’t notice.) And yes – MOST guys on the bottom are never going to be able to tell the difference, no matter what the bareback fanatics say!

      What’s so bad about a “cautionary tale,” anyway? Isn’t that the whole point of HIV education? Oh right – point #8, most HIV+ guys are too uninformed (or bored) to be HIV educators? I don’t get that point either. True, we all vary in our degree of interest in the medical stuff, but as far as I can see we’re all at least moderately well informed. Often much better informed than the “official” HIV educators – especially the straight ones – who spout nonsense about the supposed “risk” from bl0w jobs and so on. If you’re HIV-neg and get “educated” by some of THOSE people, you might never have sex again! Well, we see that over & over here on the Queerty comment threads.

      Of course, not all of us poz people are always in the mood to “educate” about HIV. But point #8 seems particularly weird coming from Mark S. King who has literally made a career out of doing the opposite.

      May 24, 2014 at 11:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tackle
      Tackle

      For thoes of you who have not cought on, or do not know,@michael mellor: is bruce/Jason/Jimbryant and who knows what other alias, who was banned by Queerty a few months back. And he’s managed to snake his way back in.

      May 24, 2014 at 11:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @KDub: Wow. Way to stereotype dum*ass. You do realize you’re using the same arguments that foes of the gay community use. Gays are promiscuous predators. For someone like myself who fights for gay rights and is very political it makes me almost want to give up listening to some of you dipsh*ts talk.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Tackle: Yeah, the guy needs mental help. I can’t imagine spending that much time trolling. It’s sad that sometimes are worst enemies are our own.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Random
      Random

      @k-dub – that’s strange because I haven’t really come across any positive guys like the ones you describe. One of the common things is they dread the idea of passing it on to others and are known to modify their behaviour in order to ensure that it doesn’t happen – often through only having sex with other positive guys.

      The reality is, no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and some people are just luckier than others.

      The more you stigmatise those with HIV the more of an underground problem it becomes which, ultimately, puts everyone who’s sexually active at risk.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @KDub: Edit..Wow. Way to stereotype dum*ass. You do realize you’re using the same arguments that foes of the gay community use like Gays are promiscuous predators. For someone like myself who fights for gay rights and is very political it makes me almost want to give up listening to some of you dipsh*ts talk.

      May 24, 2014 at 12:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liveoutloud
      liveoutloud

      as for the tat, WEAR IT PROUD! just remember some do believe hiv is NOT a gay mans virus (and the health care system needs to apologize for making people think this) i tell everyone who has made the comment to get educated, and you are stupid or in denial for thinking your non gay teen daughter or son is immune.
      to each and all that use the preventative drugs continue to be safe, do it for yourself.

      May 24, 2014 at 2:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liveoutloud
      liveoutloud

      @NumberOne69: sorry you had to live with the virus due to having the transfusion. i feel that you should be given any and all meds and blood test free for life.

      May 24, 2014 at 2:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liveoutloud
      liveoutloud

      @EvonCook: i have personally met people who wants to be hiv poz.

      May 24, 2014 at 2:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liveoutloud
      liveoutloud

      @n1spirit: just wondering how long into your relationship did you find out you were poz and did he admit to being unfaithful?

      May 24, 2014 at 3:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liveoutloud
      liveoutloud

      MY OPINION ABOUT HIV+ PEOPLE WHO TELL THE WORLD THEIR STATUS IS LETTING THE WORLD KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT TO BE KEPT IN THE CLOSET ANYMORE, AND THAT THEY ARE ALSO LETTING THE WORLD KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOT ASHAMED OF BEING HIV+ AND NOT LOOKING FOR 15 MIN. OF FAME.
      LETS STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU GET IT AND HOW TO PREVENT AND EDUCATE ON WHAT HIV AND THE MEDS DO TO OUR BODY!

      May 24, 2014 at 3:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liveoutloud
      liveoutloud

      @toberlin: A COMMENT ON SOME OF YOUR STATEMENT–EBV, HPV THAT CAN CAUSES CANCER, HEP A,B,C,D,E,F IS ALSO A VIRUS THAT IS NOT TALKED ABOUT AND HOW IT PLAYS A ROLL IN HAVING HIV. WE HAVE MANY VIRUSES IN OUR BODY THAT NEEDS TO BE MENTIONED. MY OPINION ON SCHOOL EDUCATION IS FOR SOME REASON THE MESSAGE IS NOT BEING GIVEN TO THAT AGE LEVEL IN THE CORRECT CONCEPT OR EITHER IT IS STILL ALL ABOUT HOW NOT TO GET PREGNANT. I AM OPEN TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS.

      May 24, 2014 at 3:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • KDub
      KDub

      @Stache99: What got to you the most? The thought of actually sharing some of the responsibility? Unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there that prove the “promiscuous predator” stereotype true. Why is it that all this attitude is never directed at them? It’s always a lot of finger-pointing at HIV- guys while coddling the HIV+ as they continue to be as reckless as they please. That’s helpful? Also, I believe I clearly stated I was referring to the ones “I’ve known personally”.

      @Random: I’ve come across a lot. I was referring to several guys, not just one or two isolated cases. Remaining negative may be luck if you’re a methed out slutbucket, but for everyone else it’s really just caution and common sense.

      May 24, 2014 at 3:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      Blah, blah, blah!! Anyone (gay or straight) becoming infected in recent years (except in VERY EXTREMELY RARE occasions) has no one to blame but themselves and their poor choices (needle drug use and bareback sex). I have zero sympathy for those people. Sympathy is reserved for those infected through no irresponsible decisions.

      May 24, 2014 at 3:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @sportyguy1983: What about people with cancer, heart disease, lung disease and many other ailments brought on by not living a life that’s the healthiest?

      In your world we should just say fuck em. No pity party for them. Thankfully, not everyone is a self rightous non caring POS such as yourself.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      @stache99 Once again, poor choices bring no sympathy from me.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      You smoke and get lung cancer = no sympathy
      You eat unhealthy and get a heart disease = no sympathy
      you use drugs/have unprotected sex and get HIV = no sympathy.

      Like i said, I will save my sympathy for people not being irresponsible and contract HIV or any other disease.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      it’d be great if all poz guys got their date of infection tattooed on the back of their necks (as pictured).

      May 24, 2014 at 4:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @sportyguy1983: @masc4masc: Any other screen names you got?

      May 24, 2014 at 4:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      Sorry to disappoint you, but i am not @masc4masc While I don’t have sympathy for someone who gets HIV because of poor choices, I would not say they showed be made to wear a “scarlet letter”.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • derek mcgillicuddy
      derek mcgillicuddy

      @sportyguy1983: How does some one choose to get hiv? Typical lack of compassion from a typical American.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @sportyguy1983: Interesting since masc4masc was created just today a few minutes after your last post. It’s most definitely yours. Own your trollery.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      You get HIV by FREELY and KNOWINGLY having UNPORTECTED sex or sharing needles. People need to stop making excuses for people and their bad choices.

      And this American has plenty of compassion, compassion for those who deserve it.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      lol stache has been hopping all over everybody. i guess assuming fake accounts is easier than accepting multiple people just think you’re wrong.

      May 24, 2014 at 4:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • derek mcgillicuddy
      derek mcgillicuddy

      @sportyguy1983: I was infected the first time I had anal sex two years before your birth even before the July NYT article. It is just a goddam’d virus!

      May 24, 2014 at 4:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      It is a “goddamn” virus you could have avoided contracting(along with other STDs) if you had acted like an adult and not made irresponsible choices. No sympathy for you,

      May 24, 2014 at 5:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • derek mcgillicuddy
      derek mcgillicuddy

      @sportyguy1983: You didn’t even read what I wrote: I was infected before the virus “discovered.” Should I have not shared my love with my boyfriend for fear of some unknown illness there might be out there. That is magical thinking. You should live in the real world of greys, not the either ors of your black and white world.

      May 24, 2014 at 5:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      I did read hence why I mentioned other STDs or did no STDs exist back then. I repeat, ZERO sympathy

      May 24, 2014 at 5:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben Dover
      Ben Dover

      @derek mcgillicuddy: No soup for you! … I mean, No sympathy for you! The Sympathy Nazi has spoken!

      “did no STDs exist back then”? Apparently “sportyguy1983″ is the type who puts on a condom to get a bl0w job.

      May 24, 2014 at 5:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      actually i do. i actually value my health and life so thank you very much.

      May 24, 2014 at 6:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • derek mcgillicuddy
      derek mcgillicuddy

      I am glad i live in Europe where people are sensible in their discussions rather than simply shrill. What a screed!

      May 24, 2014 at 7:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      Yep. Europe is so sensible since they have started 2 world wars have seen genocide occur there in places like the former yugoslavia, and has seen a dramatic increase in hate crimes throughout.

      May 24, 2014 at 7:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tackle
      Tackle

      @sportyguy1983: @michael mellor: Same grammar syntax, same person…

      May 24, 2014 at 9:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben Dover
      Ben Dover

      @Tackle: Yes, and it looks like the toxins from that blow-up doll are having neurological effects!

      May 24, 2014 at 9:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jonjct
      jonjct

      @Mark: That’s bitchy and not called for. So, i guess orwellsdead is accurate. SMH.

      May 24, 2014 at 9:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jonjct
      jonjct

      burning down the house!

      May 24, 2014 at 10:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @Tackle: I’d go a bit further then that.
      michael mellor
      OrwellIsDead
      queerT
      sportyguy1983
      masc4masc

      May 24, 2014 at 10:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @jonjct: Can you clue the rest of us in. What’s bitchy?

      May 24, 2014 at 10:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @liveoutloud: said… “i have personally met people who wants to be hiv poz.”
      _______________________

      No you haven’t, but thanks for letting us know which of the commenter in here are the Fox News interns.

      May 25, 2014 at 7:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • conk
      conk

      @ihadtosayit thank you for bringing sanity to a lot of this discussion. I do have to correct something you said however. Your math is a little off when you say that the maximum chance of infection is 1% and 4% when having sex with an undetectable positive guy. It’s actually much, much lower than that and here’s the math. You’re right that recent studies have shown a 99% and 96% relative reduction in the risk of infection when using the meds. But this is a risk reduction not from a baseline of 100% infection but rather from a baseline of much lower than that. If the baseline risk of infection is 10%, which would be high, a 96% relative risk reduction would be 0.4% or 4 in 1,000. Further, the studies all show that, when taken properly, meds reduce these risks to nearly zero. That is, if the risk reduction is 99.5% then the absolute risk from a baseline of 10% would be 0.05%, which can also be expressed as 0.5 in 1000 or 5 in 10,000. I’m just using examples to show how the math of a relative risk reduction drops risk from the baseline risk which is usually a fraction of 1.

      May 25, 2014 at 9:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @michael mellor: A “CHOICE?”!
      How do you figure that? Either you’ve phrased your response badly or you’re completely ignorant and unfeeling- which is it? Please clarify your statement.

      May 25, 2014 at 10:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      @Stache99: lol so basically everyone you don’t like is the same person? hey, if my account was just created yesterday (apparently by sportsguy), how is it I’ve been a member since January?

      http://www.queerty.com/now-its-the-new-york-times-that-is-pretty-much-outing-homophobic-gop-rep-aaron-schock-20140117

      don’t quit your day job, Sherlock.

      May 25, 2014 at 11:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @vonric: My situation was a lot like yours- I probably picked it up in the early 80’s & have lived through the innumerable med changes (until the better stuff came along)-lost friends, lovers, and acquaintances on a daily basis- however-I’ve used my HIV status to educate people- never hidden it. Sure, it cost me a couple jobs,early on (and won a big lawsuit for me, too!)- but for the most part being able and willing to discuss my status openly with people I think has helped educate and maybe helped avoid, others being infected with HIV. If those of us who’ve lived through the plague don’t educate the younger generation (whether gay or straight) about what happened and what we should have done early on in regards to more prevention, I think we’re doomed, as a civilization, to repeat it at some time in the future.

      May 25, 2014 at 11:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @michael mellor: Michael- Re-read paragraph one of Bearbandits post to Tony Johnston above-Negative guys who were tested yesterday could show up positive in years to come if they played with someone years back who thought they were negative at the time. Obviously you haven’t learned a thing from all this- I suspect you were infected early on, though- given your description of the early symptoms that long term survivors have experienced with meds, stigma, and other HIV related symptoms- which makes your comments of today all the more sad and uninformed. Haven’t you learned anything?!

      May 25, 2014 at 11:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @michael mellor: I was going to comment- but obviously that’s what you wanted. You aren’t on here to make a difference-or educate people-just to inflame a discussion into an argument and make hateful ignorant comments on a subject that, sadly- you should know a hell of a lot more about before you open your mouth.

      May 25, 2014 at 11:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @Scout: It’s not wrong at all to be into “disease free” partners- but I believe that a lot of the guys who claim to be disease free really don’t know whether they are or not. It takes up to 7 years for HIV to manifest itself in your system. So, even though you’re testing negative now- it doesn’t mean the virus isn’t there- it may not be strong enough or prevalent enough to show up in the test. Just the facts.

      May 25, 2014 at 11:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @masc4masc: @sportyguy1983: No sherlock about it. You made a comment a few minutes after sportygurl. Yeah, you’re both masculine a*sholes.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @elijah snow: So THAT’S where all the bitterness and vitriol comes from!!! I agree you have cause- However-you should focus it on your attacker and not on ALL the other HIV+ population on the planet. Try to be a little more compassionate.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      @Mark Jenkins: so now HIV has a 7-year window period? lol

      “Most people will develop antibodies that standard HIV tests can detect within 2-8 weeks. But, there is a chance that some people will take longer to develop antibodies. So, you may need multiple tests to ensure you were not infected. For example, if you got an HIV test within the first three months after possible exposure, you should get another test after three months have passed in case the first test occurred during your window period. Ninety-seven percent of people will develop antibodies in the first three months following the time of their infection. In very rare cases, it can take up to six months to develop antibodies to HIV.”

      http://hivtest.cdc.gov/takecharge/hiv/

      May 25, 2014 at 12:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      @Stache99: And you made a comment a couple minutes after Mark Jenkins, so you must be him. Does your brain even work at all?

      May 25, 2014 at 12:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @masc4masc: Nope and that is does Sportygurl.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      interesting. so we’re not supposed to trust negative test results, but we’re encouraged to trust that undetectable guy is actually undetectable? especially since undetectable seems to be the new “selling point”, i’m sure folks will lie about that too. isn’t that also determined by a test? so just like a neg result doesn’t mean the guy is neg by the time you get in bed with him, an undetectable load on bloodwork day doesn’t mean he’s still undetectable by the time you get him. the load can spike without him knowing even if he’s on proper treatment; why is that fact never part of the sermon?

      May 25, 2014 at 12:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @masc4masc: Sorry if I’m posting misinformation, but back in ’87 when I was diagnosed by Dr. William Rheinertson- that’s what i was told. I supposed that they’ve refined the tests a little in the last 30+years.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark Jenkins
      Mark Jenkins

      @masc4masc: And just so you know- I’m the only Mark Jenkins- and I don’t feel the need to post under an alias to preserve my identity.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bearbandit
      bearbandit

      @Tony Johnston: Because of the simple fact that the only people who can be sure of their HIV status, as far as sex goes, are virgins and PwHIV. You can’t prove a negative. All a negative result means is that up to three months ago you didn’t show HIV antibodies in your blood. You can get a negative test result during the window period, before antibodies have formed, or you can pick up HIV the very next day or up to three months later. Negative test results are not reliable.

      @michael mellor: you have misunderstood what I was saying: I made it clear that the standard window period before HIV antibodies forming is three months. I didn’t test until seven years after I was infected. (At that point the test had only been available for three years: my 1980 diagnosis of seroconversion illness was made in retrospect as I remembered it clearly and nothing looks like seroconversion rash.

      The social/political climate of the UK in the eighties was such that even just testing for HIV antibodies could ruin your chance of a mortgage or life assurance. Without any treatment available there was no advantage to testing which is why few did until they decided that they had to know.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      @Mark Jenkins: yes, they’ve discovered quite a few things since 1987.

      May 25, 2014 at 12:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      @Stache99: you make no sense, and you’ve consistently misquoted guys throughout this whole thread. maybe it’s time for a nap?

      May 25, 2014 at 1:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lukebrux
      lukebrux

      I want to know how they got it, I want to know if they are still have unhealthy behavior. I have no intention to have a relationship with someone that even after contracting HIV still have random bareback sex.

      May 25, 2014 at 2:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SteveDenver
      SteveDenver

      My best friend has been HIV+ since 1988. Drugs changed his life and he became a super athlete, pursuing endurance sports of all kinds. This last winter he spent three months with a flu he couldn’t kick and dropped 1/4 of his already lean body weight, his health indicators placed him in AIDS territory for almost a month.

      He’s on the mend, but we talked about unprotected sex in personal ads, pornography, and clubbing culture. What does my HIV+ friend want non-poz guys to know: protect yourself and stop being stupid about it. This isn’t a game that if you mess up you can eat pills. This is your life and that of everyone you come in contact with.

      May 25, 2014 at 2:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @SteveDenver: Glad your friends doing better. That’s happened to me before twice. Me leading a bad lifestyle caused it. Although, mine went for a month. Too much drink and drugs and not enough sleeping. That will wreck anyone’s immune system. A normal flu turns into a real event.

      I used to get the flu every 6 months. Well, I stopped all that nonsense and havn’t been down that road for years. TG.

      Sorry for getting a bit off topic but on one hand you say your friend was fit as a fiddle and then on the other you say he almost died from the flu. I always believed that if you had a healthy immune system things like that shouldn’t happen.

      May 25, 2014 at 3:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Vendrick
      Vendrick

      @michael mellor: Obvious troll is way too obvious.

      Try again.

      May 25, 2014 at 4:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Father Geoff Farrow
      Father Geoff Farrow

      After reading many comments on this article, it struck me that there are two underlying emotions found in most comments. Fear and Anger. Emotions are ethically neutral, since they are not elected. What we do with our emotions can however be either constructive or destructive.

      Consider for one moment that there exists right now a pharmaceutical product called Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) that prevents HIV infection in 92% of negative men who use the product daily. This would liberate us all from the real angst and frustrations expressed by everyone in these comments.

      http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/prevention/research/prep/

      Two problems: 1) it costs about $8 to $14 K per year, and 2) it must be taken without interruption every day.

      At $8 to $14 K the pharmaceutical companies are, literally, making a killing by making this epidemic ending drug beyond the reach of most people. Let’s come together and change that, free ourselves and help end HIV worldwide.

      May 25, 2014 at 4:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • peter
      peter

      @Father Geoff Farrow: i asked this on another thread but was curious for your comments as you seem to know a lot abouit this. i am now on tenofovir i read thats a part of this truvada drug, i also think i read on the internet that this tenofovir can be used as this prep drug but its only tenofovir (the brand name is Viread). i was tested 2 years ago and i am hiv neg. because i got hepatitis then i have been too afraid to have sex since then for fear of catching something else or giving it to the other guy. i am not out to my doctor so feel unconfortable asking him, so since this tenofovir doesnt also have emtricitabine in it can it still be used as a prep drug?

      May 25, 2014 at 4:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • peter
      peter

      @Father Geoff Farrow: also i always used to use condoms so i would still use condoms if or when i felt not so afraid to have sex again..would do both condoms and this drug

      May 25, 2014 at 4:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • masc4masc
      masc4masc

      ^^and here he have a shining example of some of the chaos that will ensue as gay men completely give up on safe sex and rely on pill popping as an “effective” means of “protection” while looking for answers online because they’re too afraid to talk to their doctors about it.

      May 25, 2014 at 5:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ghqueerty
      ghqueerty

      @peter: You’re not out to your doctor? You’re posing very serious and technical healthcare questions to a comment thread? Really? Do yourself a favor and go find a Dr with expertise in hiv and gay men’s health that you can be out to.

      May 25, 2014 at 6:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      I am getting a good laugh here people think I have more than 1 account. ha

      May 25, 2014 at 7:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • peter
      peter

      @ghqueerty: i dont have hiv i was tested two years ago and not had sex since. i just thought with all this discussion on this drug i could ask..

      May 25, 2014 at 8:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ghqueerty
      ghqueerty

      @peter: You are taking hiv-related meds, you have questions about hiv meds, you’re afraid to have sex because of hiv and other transmission concerns. See a professional you can be honest with.

      May 26, 2014 at 1:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • joey
      joey

      @ghqueerty: well its not so much 100% fear as it is me trying to be responsible,if i choose to have sex i think i would need to tell my partner that i have hep b, having said that i cant imagine too many smart guys wanting to risk that, understandably. i am being very safe and responsibile here, i would NEVER trust just a pill but was curious from the standpoint of how this pill (that doesnt have the other ingredient that Truvada has) would work should i ever be unlucky and have sex with a poz guy (id still use a condom of course)i guess one of the reason i didnt ask my doc is that at the last time i was in i hadnt realized this pill could help and also that i wanted to look like a person that was trying to be compliant and not looking to push their luck after he has just helped/addressed my current situation.

      May 26, 2014 at 10:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben Dover
      Ben Dover

      @joey: Joey/Peter: Hundreds of millions of people in the world (including me) are immune to Hep B – i.e. either via vaccine or have been exposed without incident, and therefore couldn’t get it from you or anyone else. Lots of potential sex partners would consider it a non-issue, because it would in fact be a non-issue for them. Yes it would be responsible of you to bring it up, just in case, but you’re imagining Hep B as a tremendous roadblock when it’s not. (And you’re HIV-negative! Compared to many people here you’re very fortunate.)

      After several months of reading your plaintive posts, and your same questions over & over & over, frankly I think you’re just looking for excuses to do nothing. Okay, do nothing!

      Otherwise, I second the notion that you need to talk to a professional in real life about these matters, rather than rely on a comment thread.

      May 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache99
      Stache99

      @joey: @peter: I have to second that. Lots and lots of people catch Hep B but you’re the only one I know that’s been carrying such a cross like this. Woe is me everyone. Then there are the rest who’ve who’ve done the vaccines which I recommend to anyone sexually active thus making it a non issue.

      Month after month of you crying about it is getting old. I think you’re using this forum as some kind of mental help. I agree with the others.

      May 26, 2014 at 2:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rake
      Rake

      I agree with QJersey that these are not the top 10 things those of us who have lived and survived with HIV for 30 years …and look and feel great still.

      The thing those idiots who use DDF or UB2 is that they are the ones who are probably infected. And they are also spreading ignorance and arrogance.

      More over, when I encounter such an ass, I ask when he had his last RPR? What’s that??? Look it up. What about Hep C? Hook up sites should not even have an HIV section except on devoted to eduction. (check out Gay Romeo)

      Finally, all men are pigs and liars, right? So why believe anyone? Especially the fool who demands that you be DDF. The ONUS is on men to ASK, not on MEN to VOLUNTEER. Assume everyone is positive for HIV, HEP C, and every other STD. That is the only way to go and you make your own decisions.

      Anyone who states or demands such in his profile or chat is most likely a lousy lay anyway…uptight and high maintenance. Move on and find a guy who knows about sex and sensuality.

      May 26, 2014 at 6:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rake
      Rake

      @Ben Dover: Everyone should be vaccinated for HEP A and HEP B. It is part of your normal health care, like getting anyother. It is HEP C that is more virulent and dangerous than HIV.

      May 26, 2014 at 6:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben Dover
      Ben Dover

      @Rake: Totally agree that everyone should get the A & B vaccines, now that they’re commonly available.

      Probably the most common result from sexual exposure to Hep B is harmless immunity, but yeah, you can’t COUNT on that happening so I certainly don’t recommend that now that there’s a vaccine.

      But let’s not confuse people!

      Hep A is essentially a food-borne illness and has nothing to with sex. (Sorry to disappoint the prudes and anti-sex scolds here!)

      Hep C is essentially a needle-drug problem. If you’re not a heroin addict you really have little to worry about from Hep C. (And if you’re having regular sex with a heroin addict you probably have worse things to worry about.) At any rate there have been great breakthroughs recently in Hep C treatment, fortunately.

      May 26, 2014 at 7:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • joey
      joey

      i just thought this was appropriate place to discuss this kind of stuff, i.e. sti’s, stigmas related to sti’s etc, thats why i bought it up here , i certainly never wanted to be “planetive” or other wise annoying. ive never been sick a day in my life and i guess this really affected me, i apologized if i came across excessive or planetive.

      May 26, 2014 at 9:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • joey
      joey

      @Rake: i was but must have got it before the shot.

      May 26, 2014 at 11:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • newecreator
      newecreator

      I have a few HIV+ friends. They’re good friends.

      May 27, 2014 at 3:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CATTMAN1
      CATTMAN1

      @robirob: at least you are alive to talk about it!

      Jun 28, 2014 at 10:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • glasshole
      glasshole

      @OrwellIsDead: spot on in every single point. I’m sick of the “if you won’t fuck me, you’re a bigot” bullshit. I’ll decide who I fuck, not anyone else.

      Jun 29, 2014 at 3:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • seaguy
      seaguy

      @michael mellor: No, saying stupid things is a choice and you made that choice with your totally wrong statement that HIV is a choice. I suppose you think that about being gay too?

      Jun 30, 2014 at 5:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • seaguy
      seaguy

      @sportyguy1983: You need to stop being such an idiot!

      Jun 30, 2014 at 5:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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