Well, we made it to Christmas Day 2012 in one piece, relatively speaking. But we’re not gonna lie, folks: It was touch-and-go there for a while. There were plenty of meanies who wanted to snatch equality right from under us and drag it into the gutter. So, as the world over celebrates a joyous noel, we’re taking a hot second to recall ten Grinches who tried to steal 2012—and nearly succeeded.
Sadly, unlike Dr. Seuss’ wicked holiday figure, these guys’ hearts didn’t double in size. (If anything, they got smaller and even more bitter.)
Click through to check out Queerty’s Top 10 Grinches Who Tried to Steal 2012!
Chick-fil-A‘s Dan Cathy
You’re a Mean One: For your vehement opposition to marriage equality, for blatantly lying about stopping donations to anti-gay groups, and for your restaurants’ tireless efforts in making America fatter than it already is.
Stocking Stuffer: The gift of obesity and clogged arteries via a year’s supply of Chick-fil-A. Enjoy the hypertension!
Mitt Romney
You’re a Mean One: For openly lying about your feelings on marriage equality, for having a generally awful record on LGBT issues and, apparently for wasting everyone’s goddamn time.
Stocking Stuffer: The last two years of your life back. Kidding! It’s this video on loop till the day you die.
The National Organization for Marriage‘s Brian Brown
You’re a Mean One: For spreading anti-gay hysteria, for donating millions toward denying gay couples the right to marry, for being an awful dinner guest to Dan Savage, and for allegedly assaulting a bunch of dudes with your mouth.
Stocking Stuffer: Bumper stickers from Washington United for Marriage, Minnesotans United for All Families, Marylanders for Marriage Equality and Mainers United for Marriage. Honk if you love sodomy!
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The Family Research Council‘s Tony Perkins
You’re a Mean One: For authoring the anti-gay marriage and anti-abortion planks of the GOP’s platform, for claiming marriage equality will incite civil war, and for plaguing the airwaves and the Internet with the FRC’s brand of bigoted crazy.
Stocking Stuffer: A copy of the Democratic Party’s platform, signed by Dan Savage.
Pope Benedict XVI
You’re a Mean One: For using Christmas and the World Day of Peace (and really every day) to denounce gay marriage, for blessing a proponent of Uganda’s “Kill the Gays” bill, and for officially making Twitter uncool.
Stocking Stuffer: Two million followers on Twitter, all of whom are just gay-porn spambots.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
You’re a Mean One: For repeatedly equating homosexuality with murder and bestiality, especially with the Supreme Court preparing to rule on two marriage-equality cases.
Stocking Stuffer: A pending invitation to next year’s list—depending on the high court’s decisions.
The American Family Association‘s Bryan Fischer
You’re a Mean One: For equating gays with cannibals, werewolves and Nazis
Stocking Stuffer: A DVD of his favorite film, The Innocence of Muslims
The Boy Scouts of America
You’re a Mean One: For reaffirming your ban on openly gay Scouts and leaders, for listing homosexuals along with pedophiles in your “perversion files,” and for denying Ryan Andersen his Eagle Scout badge.
Stocking Stuffer: The highly coveted Merit Badge for Bigotry, plus an IOU for a copy of Ryan Andersen’s college diploma, signed by Ellen DeGeneres.
Uganda
You’re a Mean One: For imprisoning producer David Cecil for trying to stage a gay play, for threatening to pass the odious “Kill the Gays” bill by Christmas, and then failing to deliver—thus disappointing little children all over the country.
Stocking Stuffer: A bunch of bananas for Parliament to be used as prescribed by Reverend Martin Ssempa.
Russia
You’re a Mean One: For Moscow’s 100-year ban on gay pride, St. Petersburg’s law against homosexual propaganda, the similar ban proposed nationwide, imprisoning Pussy Riot, and trying to arrest both Madonna and Lady Gaga.
Stocking Stuffer: A year of free concerts by Mother Monster and the Material Girl, all but guaranteeing that any male fetuses will be born “that way.”
Redpalacebulleaglesox
Dishonorable mention to Archbishop Timothy Dolan for his continuing to equate marriage equality with an attack on “religious freedom.” Stocking stuffer; invitations to the next one hundred same sex marriages held at the various houses of worship, including the Church of St Paul and St Andrew, in New York City.
Redpalacebulleaglesox
“The three best words which best describe this group are as follows and I quote, “Stink, stank, stunk!'” Paraphrased from “The Grinch Song” sung by the incomparable Thurl Ravenscroft.
MickeyP.
The ones that make me puke are…the Westboro Baptist “Church” morons.While I agree with all the rest of the list,THESE scumbags should be at the top of said list!
D9W
RE: Bryan Fischer
I wonder if anyone told this clown that Werewolves were fictional characters?
There we go again fighting fictional characters and things that don’t exist.
Dinodogstar
If we are calling out “grinches” and it’s pretty-much your last name, you go to the top of the list, Newt.
nataliesharp
I don’t see why you all keep talking about Dan Savage like he’s a good person. He’s a transphobic, ace-denying douchenozzle. He may as well be on this list.
Redpalacebulleaglesox
@MickeyP.: I think to be awfully techinical this list is for individuals, Westboro belong in their own class of the particularly heinous. Remember, The Grinch, like Scrooge, does eventually see the light, Westboro doesn’t seem like they ever will. Grinch is prbably too nice a term for them. Of course, it is probaly too nice for Scalia and the others on this list, loathsome individuals who take bigotry to new depths of despicability.
Kini
“Homosexuality is the root of all evil!!” implies, Linda Harvey, Mike Huckabee, founders of Westboro baptist church, Pope Benedict XVI, Boy Scouts of America, The Family Research Council‘s Tony Perkins, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, The American Family Association‘s Bryan Fischer, and other Anti-Gay | Right Wing Watch.
But, what did Jesus say? Luke 10:1-12, Jesus declares certain cities more damnable than Sodom and Gomorrah, due to their response to Jesus’ disciples, in the light of greater grace…
1EqualityUSA
Mit’s dip-wad son is now saying that his dad never wanted to be president. These clowns need to pack up the rocket, strap the dog to the outside of it, and fly off to the planet-star Kolob.
symboybot
@nataliesharp:
I have great respect for trans persons and believe in their movement to be included in all equal human rights. Dan Savage is a good person and although I don’t claim to agree with everything he says, he has stood up for the rights of all sexual minorities or sexual identity minorities. Here is a link to a more accurate and full context closer exmination of his “record”:
http://www.queerty.com/opinion-stop-glitter-bombing-dan-savage-hes-not-the-enemy-20120127/