Allen West: “Being Gay = Liking Ice Cream.” We’ll Take Two Scoops!

We scored pretty well on the SATS but we cannot for the life of us figure out the bizarre analogies right-wing politicians have been throwing around lately regarding the gays. First there was Rick “Google problem” Santorum and his “gay marriage is like a paper towel” metaphor. Now Douche of the Week Allen West is saying homosexuality is akin to liking chocolate-chip ice cream. According to ABC 25 in West Palm Beach:

When asked whether people should change their behavior and not be gay, West replied, “No. I like chocolate chip ice cream, and I will continue to like chocolate chip ice cream. So there’s no worry about me changing to vanilla. I like to, you know, ride my motorcycle. What do you want me to do? You want me to change my behavior and ride a scooter? I’m not into that.”

Darn, why didn’t he tell us if he likes long walks on the beach and finishing the Sunday crossword puzzle in ink? Oh, sorry—we got distracted.

Anyway, what is West, a notorious homophobe, saying here? That gays and lesbians actually can’t change their sexuality? Or is he being sarcastic—picking things like ice-cream flavors that are just preferences and not orientations. And what about our lactose-intolerant and vegan queers? Are they just left on the side of the road, forced to thumb a ride on some scooter?

Words hurt, Mr. West. They really do.