SHOCK AND AWWW

American Morality Destroyed By Boring Image Of Boyfriends In J. Crew Catalog

A gay fashioner designer? With a boyfriend??! In a J. CREW CATALOG?!!! WHAT IF THE KIDS SEE??!?!! OMFG!! MY LITTLE GIRL’S GONNA TURN INTO A BOX-DEVOURING SUPER LESBIAN AND DECLARE WAR ON GOD!!! Oh wait… that’s stupid… unless you’re already afraid of homos.

Last month J. Crew scandalized all of Fox News by publishing a photo of J. Crew president Jenna Lyons painting her son’s toenails pink. Was this an innocent image of child-parent bonding or insidious “propaganda celebrating transgendered children”?!!! That’s right, painting your son’s toenails pink will encourage your son to think he’s a girl. Why, it’s just as bad as letting little girls wear pants play baseball excel at math vote feel same-sex attraction.

Sigh…

This week J. Crew continues to sexually confuse and titillate non-gay Americans with their May 2011 catalog featuring fashion designer Somsack Sikhounmuong and his boyfriend Micah; the words next to them read “Happy Together.” Except for Micah’s frosted tips, both men are passably masculine—Micah is even wearing a tie with rolled up sleeves… how butch!

But any conservative with enough time on their hands to bitch about gay propaganda in clothing catalogs should know this: for at least a century if not longer, queer designers have been dressing your men, women, and children. That’s right—they obsess about how well underwear clings to your child’s backside; they fantasize about how well the hem of a stocking will travel up a young woman’s supple calves to her wanton hips; they even get all sweaty tailoring fitted shirts to fit the muscular torsos of young fathers. Oh yes, fags have been imagining you naked for centuries just so they can clothe you. And now that one has moved off of the Bravo network onto your preppy catalog, you can’t ignore that reality anymore.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we have reruns of Project Runway to mock.

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7 Comments

  • m0shi

    This is the first article I’m reading on this site and I’m in love already….

  • Mike in Asheville

    Alas, snarky as ever.

    So, since the “new” Queerty, oh, so much like “old” Queerty, fails to do so, from me, thanks J. Crew. Every bit helps and J. Crew has done a lot more than a “bit” of help.

  • JElder

    I thought we had seen the last of the “bitter old queen” queerty? Guess not.
    Masculine? What picture are you looking at? Because it’s about as obvious as a black man at a KKK rally they are both pretty darn flamboyant.

  • Hyhybt

    Nothing wrong with a site having a bit of personality…

  • Ricardo

    I love (not) how everyone just has to go and criticize the writing instead of the damn subject matter.

    The writing is fine and it has its own unique sound and personality. If you don’t like it go read towleroad or something else, no one is forcing you here!

    Glad to see Queerty back!

  • Jeff R

    Very Funny, Daniel!!! @JElder: “Pretty darn flamboyant?!?” Sounds pretty DAMN “Bitter Old Queen-ish” to me. Get a grip! Best, JeffR

  • Jeff R

    PS: @JElder: Sooooooo looking forward to reading your guide to gay living “Butch Like Me.” Jeff R

Comments are closed.