Welcome to England, international visitors! The British Home Office hopes that you enjoy your stay, and is happy to extend asylum to those of you who face violence and persecution in your homeland. But first, Her Majesty just needs a few details about your penis.
An internal investigation has revealed that gay and lesbian asylum seekers are subjected to very insane, very sexy questions that of course are never put to heterosexual individuals. Among them:
- One interviewee was asked why he would claim to have sex every day, when that is “not even normal in heterosexual relationships.”
- Another was asked if he had less than 100 sexual partners, the implication being that average gay men have assignations numbering in the triple digits.
- A third man was asked why he would be in a relationship with a man, when there’s so much to be offered by heterosexual coupling.
And a leaked internal memo reveals even more insulting questioning. These are all direct quotes:
- Did you put your penis into x’s backside?
- When x was penetrating you, did you have an erection?
- Did x ejaculate inside you?
- Why did you use a condom?
- What is it about men’s backsides that attracts you?
- What is it about the way men walk that turns you on?
It would be kind of hot if this interrogation was happening in a porn, with glistening sweat dripping off the interviewee’s face as the mean investigator barks questions at him and eventually demands that he prove just how gay he can be. But it’s not OK for this to be happening in reality, where real actual peoples’ lives are at stake.
Between 10 and 12 percent of interviews contain inappropriate questions, according to the investigation.
To their credit, officials have pledged to crack down on inappropriate questions, to respond quickly to complaints, and to improve training.
But we don’t think that goes far enough: British officials should be required to themselves answer any questions that asylum interviewees face. So how about it, Prime Minister David Cameron: what is it about men’s backsides that attracts you?