Open dialogue

Can you guess the #1 complaint people have about being LGBTQ?

In a recent post about guys discussing their least favorite parts about being gay, we asked you, our faithful readers, what you thought was the most frustrating part of being LGBTQ. Let’s take a look at what you said…

A lot of readers said their least favorite part about being gay was dealing with the constant threat of having their rights stripped away:

“Seeing the anti-LGBT bigots trying to stop our equal rights advancements.”

Then there were those who expressed disappointment over the lack of kindness LGBTQ people can have for one another:

“My least favorite thing is how mean we are to each other. Our community asks everyone to be accepting and tolerant of us, yet we can’t even be nice to one another.”

Related: Guys discuss their least favorite things about being gay

Some folks expressed frustration in society’s constant need for them to label themselves:

“The social need to be buff or bearish, extremely butch (or on the other side of the spectrum, extremely effeminate), and/or witty/ironic/sarcastic beyond measure,” one reader wrote. “It’s all tiring on a constant basis.”

“I don’t consider myself gay or straight or bi,” another person added. “If I like you for who you are, I will date you no matter what your gender is.”

Other people talked about the struggles they face for not identifying as liberal or making LGBTQ issues their main political focus:

“My least favorite thing about being gay is the assumption that I must have extreme left wing views on everything,” a reader explained, “and that gay issues should be my number one concern in life.”

He continued, “I’m fairly moderate, some of my views are liberal, some are conservative, but that’s really not allowed to be an option anymore. You’re either a left wing, tree-hugging hippie, or a right wing, abortion-hating Trump fanatic, and if you’re gay, God forbid you be on the wrong side.”

Related: Guys reveal the craziest things they’ve done to stay in the closet

To which someone else replied, “Dude, your very astute sentiment could have been extracted from my own brain, word for word.”

But the most common complaint people brought up was age and ageism within the LGBTQ community:

“Being gay and 60 or older,” one reader wrote. “Seems like hitting 60 we no longer exist for most.”

“When you’re an old gay guy, in a retirement home,” another person said. “Nothing in common to speak with the other old straights. Now what to do?”

One person on Facebook commented, “Ageism. Disrespect towards elders.”

To which someone else replied, “I fully agree. I am guilty of it myself. Our LGBTQ elders don’t get enough respect.”

“Young gay people don’t know the half of it,” another person chimed in. “There are many elderly gay homeless. There aren’t any affordable gay retirement homes. The depression that comes with not being able to support yourself in old age. Unless you’re well off or in a financially supportive relationship, things can be tough.”

Related: Queer millennials share the stupidest questions they’ve been asked about being LGBTQ

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  • JaredMacBride

    I am not LBGTQA, etc. etc. I’m a person, not a Scrabble tile.

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  • ohellzno

    Gay men have been more mean to me than anyone else. Last time I was treated like crap for being gay was in grade school. I have one gay friend and everyone else is rude and fake to me. Guys are the worst to each other to the point it makes me ill. I could write a book about the crap I’ve seen and had happen to me. Most gay guys I know are the first to complain when they are discriminated against but turn around and treat other gay men a hundred times worse. It needs to stop.

    • Brian

      I have never gotten as many dirty looks in my life as I did the one time I went into a lesbian bar with a lesbian friend and her girlfriend. It’s probably the only time I truly felt like there was a real chance of me getting jumped just for existing.

  • ivanw222

    I am 61 and a charter bus driver. We often take high school and college groups to events. I took a college marching band to a competition, I had my head down busy with my paperwork. Some of the girls entered the bus, I noticed them enter but didn’t pay any attention to them, about 5 minutes later they left…they were wearing jeans. While I was sitting in the drivers seat doing my paperwork they had changed clothes! I have discovered invisibility! Also I have discovered invisibility at gay bars too.

  • Orgoglio Masch

    My numero uno complaint is that 98 percent of American men are hetero. Looking around the gym at all the meat I can never taste. It’s so cruel.

  • Herman75


    All the bitchy, snarky, back-biting, sarcastic drama queens in LA that will never utter a loving comment in their life or ever honestly thank someone for something if their stuck up sorry ass depended on it.

    Like in the book Going Down in LaLa Land or sometimes in Eastsiders. Fvck all of those pathetic, mean, psychopaths. I just saw S3 of Eastsiders yesterday and there was a perfect example of it, the queeny fvck bleach blond hotel clerk that got all snarky when Cal and Thom were trying to check in to the hotel. Great show by the way and I get the impression Van and Kit are a couple of sweet guys. Wish more peeps were like them.

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