SHORTEST SERMON EVER

Cardinal Dolan Spends 19 Seconds Condemning Antigay Violence

Timothy DolanWe all know New York’s Cardinal Timothy Dolan is not our BFF, but you would think that the rash of gay bashings in New York City would be the ideal opportunity for Dolan to make it clear he’s not a complete knuckle-dragger. And, of course, you would be wrong. It took a week and a half after the murder of Mark Carson for Dolan to finally say something about antigay violence. And when he did, he spent a total of 19 seconds on the topic.If his Sunday sermons were that short, parishioners would be turning backflips in the aisles.

“You look at even the violence in our own city with some homosexuals who have recently been beaten and killed,” Dolan said during a radio appearance. “I mean that’s just awful, that flies in the face of divine justice. Every human life deserves dignity and respect, right? Anytime life is attacked we all suffer.”

What we particularly like about that statement:

  • Use of the phrase “some homosexuals.” Very 1950s of him. How about “gay men”?
  • Use of the word “awful.” How about “horrific” or “evil”?
  • The question at the end of the sentence. Glad to know that the Cardinal feels the need to check on whether we really do deserve dignity and respect.

Just to remind you where things stand: the same day Dolan made his “blink and you miss them” comments, the Vatican released a statement complaining that Catholics in Europe were having their rights violated because they can’t say hateful things about or discrimiante against anyone who is LGBT. Murder vs. hate speech? Glad to know that the Vatican has its priorities straight.