Dad To Son Who Came Out: “[Being] Gay Is Revolting”

A Queerty reader sent us an email over the weekend detailing his father’s abusive language and attitude since the reader came out—including starting vicious sexual rumors about his own child. “He has told me things that are unimaginable to the average person,” writes the reader. “His last email included horrible assumptions of gays… I am physically and emotionally sick of being harassed by him.”

Below is a screen-grab of the email in question, which reads like the inverse of the note from a wonderful dad that went viral last week.

It’s possible this is a hoax but, sadly, we’ve seen real emails from parents that make this one read like a birthday card.

Note: Names, email addresses and personal details have been obscured.




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  • 2eo

    Put his address up. I could have some real fun with this horrible bastard.

  • hf2hvit

    Dad is probably a member of Larry Craig’s Men’s Room Toe-Tappin’Boogie Dance Troupe…

  • Cam

    The father hopes God moves into his sons life “As he has moved into mine”.

    Sounds like Daddy may have had some gay issues as well.

    The son should block the e-mails.

  • Little-Kiwi

    we don’t need to associate with those who physically abuse us OR those who mentally and emotionally abuse us. ever.

  • rextrek

    in other words: Son – since you won’t pound or eat a VaJJ – I have to think less of you………

    whatevs dad – GO FUCK YOURSELF……

  • henryrok

    Well, the father’s comments may be from his heart but that does not mean that they are right, good or true.
    This comes from a cultural model, not from the bible, from many other cultures in our world, and is the view
    of a minority of Americans. To the son, I would say: I would be proud to have you as my child.

  • Chris Vogel

    Actually, this is about normal for religious conservatives: cheap self-indulgence, vicious malice, childish spitefulness, wilful ignorance. Makes it all worthwhile. We have to be grateful that modern secular governments no longer permit their traditional responses to difference: torture and mass murder.

  • queerty1958

    Actually, the one who is being revolting is the father. Any father who tells their child such a thing doesn’t know how to unconditionally love their child or themselves. He has no idea how much damage he is doing to his relationship with his son in the name of his religion.

    In the image of the email above where the father ends his ignorant message: “I will always pray for you, and ask God to move into your life as he has mine”. I don’t believe this father has any idea what having God in your life actually means. He certainly doesn’t follow the teachings of Jesus. It seems to be totally Biblically illiterate. Lately, what a fuckwad!

  • Truth Addict

    Hey, jesus says in the bible that you should put him before your family. So, are we really surprised when parents shun their children?

  • Merv

    Christianity = Hate

  • henryrok

    No, christianity does not equal hate; unfortunately, some christians do. As well as jews, muslims,
    buddhists and atheist.

  • reddragon696

    I have no problem believing that the email is true. When I came out at 14 my mother did the same thing except without the religious prattle. I vividly remember how she would always call me a f**king F****t and dirty Bas***d and how she threw me out of the house to live on my own. When I went back to help protect my little sister from her abuse, I had to pay my mom money to get her to leave me alone so I had a full-time job at 14. As long as the money was on time I had nothing to worry about but my sister took horrible physical/pyscological abuse and after my mom made her sleep in the garage at 14 because my mom’s boyfriend didn’t want her in the house, she was grabbed off the front yard and raped. It’s absolutely amazing how cruel and inhumane parents can be sometimes & I really envy those who have parents that actually care about them.

  • jaack

    We shouldn’t blame Christianity! The TRUE message of Jesus Christ and most religions remains UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of one another. The message has been distorted & perverted by those hearts have been hardened and cruel. This person impregnated his wife to produce this Child Of God but he is definitely NO FATHER. The man who could write this to his own flesh & blood should be disowned by his son. God made EACH AND EVERYONE of us. Is this person saying God made mistakes with millions of the gay people in the world?
    The gall to think he is speaking for God is astounding.

  • Ogre Magi

    Typical christian

  • ScaryRussianHeather

    “and the majority have thoughts just like me but don’t talk about it.”

    Closet case closed.

    The earlier people accept that their parents are just random people who they got stuck with in life, the better. It doesn’t repair damage and it doesn’t make life any easier but our parents have mental problems that have nothing to do with us. My own mother was sent to take care of her mental case grandmother at age 5, and while they were starving the grandmother was running naked on the Boston streets feeding cats liver with their last dime. God only knows what else she suffered that she never would speak about. I attribute that to being why she was a total detached bitch so often.

    You realize this throughout your 30’s so hopefully the emailer is in that bracket. By 40 you actually could give many fewer fu*ks about bad parents. But it’s a tough making good relationships without that foundation and that needs to be explored and worked on.


    What a horrible thing to say. I can’t even imagine a father saying something like that to his son. I hope that this email doesn’t cause psychological issues for the son…poor guy.

  • Andrew

    The son just needs to ask, Dad why are you judging me when Gold told you that you are not allowed to judge me? Can you explain why you are defying God? This is my favourite statement with the crazies. The amount of times they’ve stumbled on this one and have no idea how to respond.

  • LadyL

    @reddragon696: My God, what a horrifying and sad story. My best to you, reddragon696. My heart goes out to you and to your sister. Peace.

  • LadyL

    I hope this young man surrounds himself with a loving family of protective friends, and finds a good therapist as well to help him deal with his father’s ignorance and hate.
    As for that dad, it’s his life as a frightened homophobe that will always haunt HIM.

  • Ridpathos

    That sounds like an email my dad or mom would send me. I am at least now on talking terms with my dad, but I can tell he still feels the same way this dad does. My mom is just openly hostile.

    I’m so glad I don’t live at home.

  • reddragon696

    @ScaryRussianHeather: What you say is so true. As a result of my mom teaching me that you have to pay for a loving relationship I was never able to form a lasting relationship with anyone that lasted for very long as I always felt that the only way that someone would ever truly love and care for me was if i ‘payed’ them. I know intellectually that this is not true but deep down I was never able to break the habit and it ruined every relationship I was in.

  • randalaw

    I’ve never EVER heard a parent make the following death bed confession: “I am glad I stood by my guns and never budged on [that issue] that came between me and my child. We never spoke to each other again, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”

    I have heard a few, though, that spoke to how the parent felt like an idiot or had deep regret about shutting a child out. I hope this old man is able to live with his decision.

  • D9W

    IT’s not what you really do or who you really are, it’s what Dad thinks you do that’s got him so bent out of shape.
    I bet if you corner him on what he thinks that gay people do, that in his mind is so revolting, I bet it’s not even close to being true. The fun fact is: Heterosexuals do the same things that gay people do in bed; just one partner does not have the same equipment. The only real difference is we cant product kids the old fashion way, but given time that will change too.

    I can’t wait- Morning Sickness and Mood Swings for men.
    @Randalaw- thank you.



  • henryrok

    Dad is the villain, not his mis-use of Christianity. I don’t condemn Islam because some Muslims
    act contrary to the prophet.

  • Gus

    Sounds like my parents.

  • henryrok

    If the Dad wants to transfer his parenthood, I bet there are tons of people who would love to have this kid for a son.

  • spacegod

    Not trying to be contrary…. but this attitude DOES come from the Bible. There verses both in the Old Testament and new that condemn homosexuality. “Christians” use these verses to justify their bigotry. “I don’t hate gay people–God does!”

  • jaack


    You included me in your message “No, christianity does not equal hate; unfortunately, some christians do. As well as jews, muslims,
    buddhists and atheist”

    The Buddhas message has been was ,is, and remains UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Hatred has NO PLACE in my beliefs, even to the intolerant christians, etc.

    Seem to remember a message by a guy called Jesus Christ, “…Love one another as you love me…” or something similar words but the message is he SAME as The Buddha. Hatred has no place here. Hatred is a manifestation of ignorance.

    Please don’t include true Buddhists in with the ignorant.


  • henryrok

    Please read again. Although christianity is unconditional love, some chrisitans do not practice it. So does buddhism but some buddhists are haters. My point is that our two faiths call us to high standards which some of our brothers and sisters do not reach.

  • spacegod

    It’s too bad that most Christians don’t sound like you.

  • henryrok

    @spacegod. Not to be contrary but this is my profession and I’ve spent a bunch of hours on it. The Bible does not condemn consenting, nurturing same-sex relations. In fact, Jesus may have encountered such a couple; the centurion’s servant in Luke is called by the centurion “sweetie.”, my dear, honey.

    You have to understand the background of the authors; the famous line from Leviticus: A man who sleeps with another man as a woman commits an abomination.” This verse is part of a section that existed before the book
    of Leviticus and spelled out what it means to be a good jew, kosher laws. My childhood church required you to
    promise not to drink or smoke: Baptist kosher law. The rabbis clearly said that this was not binding on gentiles,
    you and me. Abomination is a mistranlsation; the word means “very unclean,” a kosher term. Finally, the reason that the rabbis of that time thought that is because to be a woman was a terrible thing. One of their prayers was, “I thank G-d that I was not born a woman.” We don’t think that; we have different cultural values. So if the reason for the law — which we’re not bound to anyway – no longer exists, then the law can have no force.

    No, the Bible does not say these things; idiots who misuse the bible say such things.

  • spacegod

    I’m actually with you on those specifics. I know way too much about the Bible. I was merely pointing out that 99.999999 percent of Christians get their back up for hate from the Leviticus verses and the couple verses in the New Testament.

  • henryrok

    @spacegod. Yeah, if they hate, I would suppose you’re right. Not all Christians hate. If you exclude the fundie churches, it’s a minority. And, good news, the Mormon church is sitting on the sidelines in campaigns and not contributing so we have financial parity. HRC did did a poll some years ago and I remember that the Catholic figures were the highest of any faith and higher than the 58% that I hear as the national figure. I’m not saying that you haven’t met a lot of haters – I certainly have — but they are shrinking and faster than the general population.

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