A bisexual man in his 20s is freaking out because he’s still a virgin. But not just that, he’s never even been kissed.
“I was bullied severely in secondary school and plagued about my sexuality,” the man writes in a letter to advice columnist Trish Murphy, “and I feel like I am still scarred by this experience.”
He continues: “Any girl I showed an interest in during my teens was not interested in me, and often broadcast the news for other people’s entertainment. I think I’m bisexual, which I accept, but the thought of kissing either sex instils a desire as well as a paranoid fear of being jeered at or being the butt-end of a joke, like I used to be.”
The man goes on to say that “happy” and “comfortable” in his own skin, but that feels “hollow” without a significant other in his life.
“I feel like I am in a position to be loved, but maybe I am too afraid to open up, too anxious to make the first move,” he concludes. “Friends tell me that I’m good-looking and a catch, but they don’t understand my situation, which adds to my frustration.”
“Ultimately, I question whether anyone I see in a romantic light will have the same feelings for me.”
In her response, Trish Murphy cuts right to the chase.
“It sounds as though you have overcome many of your childhood difficulties in school (bullying and jeering), and this success should give you the faith in yourself to tackle the next barrier: intimacy,” she writes.
She continues: “Your bisexuality is the expression of your desire. Your knowledge of what you want in your life will grow when you have more experience to base your choices on. The current problem seems to be that your experience of desire is now linked to a “paranoid fear”, and this association is not a good one for you.”
“Desire pushes you outwards beyond your own skin,” Murphy explains, “whereas fear makes you retreat inwards. This must be very confusing for you, physically and emotionally. In order to give desire a chance, you will need to overcome your fear.”
“The problem is often that our minds go the full distance and shudder at possible pitfalls,” she concludes, “quieten your mind and let your desire for love take the lead for a while.”
h/t: Irish Times