Looking at what’s coming to television this fall, you might think the gays have taken over. Not even counting returning favorites like Modern Family, Happy Endings, Glee or Southland, the TV grid has more queer, kitschy and campy shows debuting than your DVR can hold.
Click through the next pages to see what’s new and gay on the small screen this season
UP FIRST: Blowhole strikes back in Penguins of Madagascar!
The Penguins of Madagascar: Blowhole Strikes Back
Friday, September 9, at 8pm on Nickelodeon
Didn’t know this was happening? That means you either don’t have children or don’t let them watch television (cringe). This special one-hour episode of the series (which features Madagascar‘s flightless waterfowl protecting their home in the Central Park Zoo) stars out dreamboat Neil Patrick Harris as a sinister singing bottlenose dolphin. It’s about time dolphins got their revenge.
Unleashed By Garo
Fridays at 9pm, Sundance (Sept 9)
Garo Sparo, the eccentric New York designer famed for dolling up Lady Gaga, Amanda Lepore and Daphne Guinness in (literally) breathtaking corsets, uses his reality show to make over clients in desperate need of serious life change. It’s like Intervention without all the syringes and vomit.
Tuesdays at 9pm on the CW (Sept 13)
Sarah Michelle Gellar plays identical twin sisters in this dark, twist-filled drama that gives the word “convoluted” new meaning. Eric C. Charmelo, Ringer‘s out co-creator, says we can expect a gay character to appear in later episodes (a recurring theme this fall) but anything else we could say is a potential spoiler, so that’s all you get here. Like, you might not even want to watch the trailer if you’re that touchy about it. Buffy cultists, the squealing begins now.
NEXT: Top Model also-rans return
America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars
Wednesdays at 9pm on the CW (Sept 14)
Quibble over the meaning of the word “star” if you like—especially since the contenders of this 17th go-round are past contestants who didn’t make the cut—but it’s transgender ANTM alum Isis King and lesbian model Kayla Ferrel we have our eyes on.
NEXT: Kevin Williamson conjures up The Secret Circle
Thursdays at 9pm on the CW (Sept 15)
From the witchy, gay brain of The Vampire Diaries’ Kevin Williamson comes this supernatural series— about a girl’s involvement with a coven of young, hot witches and warlocks—that co- stars gay-face Thomas Dekker (Heroes, Kaboom) and
Brian Kinney Gale Harold (Queer as Folk). If it’s even half as awesome as The Craft then the fact that it’s yet another dunk into the nearly dry well of unearthly teen hotties is fine by us.
UP NEXT: Are there gay bunnies in The Playboy Club?
The Playboy Club
Mondays at 10pm on NBC (Sept 19)
Think Mad Men, but with less clinical depression and all Joan Holloways all the time. Word is there will also be a closeted gay guy (Firefly‘s Sean Maher) and a closeted lesbian bunny, both of whom are involved with the real-world gay-rights group the Mattachine Society. Quit giggling, it could too happen.
NEXT: The X-Factor marks the spot
Wednesdays at 8pm on Fox (Sept 21)
It’s a singing competition, so there will surely be LGBT contestants (and hey, some might even be out). The Pussycat Doll’s Nicole Scherzinger is an interesting addition (and presenter Steve Jones makes much better eye candy than Seacrest) but we’re really watching to enjoy the mysterious chemistry between Paula Abdul and the man with one of the world’s worst haircuts.
NEXT: Christina Ricci takes off with Pan Am
Sundays at 10pm on ABC (Sept 25)
Another Mad Men, but with higher altitude and sexy, smartly-tailored stewardess uniforms. Budding gay icon Christina Ricci could be perfect as head flight attendant Maggie, and we’d certainly join the Mile High Club with co-stars Mike Vogel (The Help) and Michael Mosley (Scrubs). But if the historical revisionism makes the series too bland (there will be no smoking, apparently) they can always crash on a supernatural island.
NEXT: The View + Rachal Ray + Top Chef = Chew
Mondays at 1pm on ABC (Sept 26)
Clinton Kelly, the gay from What Not To Wear, joins Mario Batali and Top Chef fave Carla Hall for a talk/eat/cook show about food and… stuff? It’s a little vague, actually. To make it really work they’ll need technology that can deliver fresh-baked cookies right through the screen. So we’ll see.
NEXT: It’s Bedlam over at BBC America
Saturdays at 10pm on BBC America (Oct 1)
Gay singer Will Young was the first man to win Pop Idol in his native England. Now he’s on a show about people who move into a haunted apartment building that used to be a mental hospital. It’s Melrose Place, if Melrose Place had bleeding walls and agonized shrieks in the night.
NEXT: Same gays, different city, in The A-List: Dallas
The A-List: Dallas
Mondays at 10pm on Logo (Oct 3)
So… um… yeah, there’s this. Sorry.
NEXT: Mad hatter Chris March returns to Bravo!
Tuesdays at 10pm on Bravo (Oct 4)
Chris March—the lovable, nap-taking, super-bearish Project Runway contestant who got voted off and brought back and voted off again but still wound up designing an Oscars dress for Meryl Streep—is back with his own show. We can only hope there will be giant headgear, drag queens and dresses made of hair.
NEXT: The Amityville Horror + Desperate Housewives =
American Horror Story
American Horror Story
Wednesdays at 10pm on FX (Oct 5)
It’s already been announced that Zachary Quinto and Teddy Sears will play a gay couple on this hotly anticipated horror-suspense series—and that True Blood‘s out bloodsucker Denis O’Hare will pop up, too. But with Glee’s queer producers Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk at the helm, the crossover potential is undeniable. How about Lea Michele as a teenage banshee whose wailing terrifies the Harmon family. You’re seeing it now, aren’t you?
NEXT: Mike White and Laura Dern get Enlightened
Mondays at 9:30pm on HBO (Oct 10)
The criminally under-appreciated Laura Dern stars as a woman who suffers a breakdown and emerges from it full of answers for everyone else’s problems. (Don’t you love those people?) It also stars—and was produced by—the excellently weird and bisexual Mike White (Chuck & Buck, Year of The Dog). File under: Appointment TV.
NEXT: Family Guy + My Two Dads = Jonah Hill’s Allen Gregory
Sundays at 8:30pm on Fox (Oct 30)
Jonah Hill created and provides voices for this animated series about an extremely precocious seven-year-old (he’s written novels, composed operas and dated Chloë Sevigny), with two gay fathers, an adopted Cambodian sister and a unbending superiority complex. Expect the anti-gays to go ballistic.
NEXT: Fairy tales do come true (sort of) in Once Upon a Time
Once Upon a Time
Sundays at 8pm on ABC (Oct 23)
One of two fairy-tale-inspired series debuting this season (the other is the lesser Grimm on NBC), OUAT is a contemporary fantasy about an wicked witch who has trapped characters from the Enchanted Forest in a small town in the real world, with only a young boy and Snow White’s daughter to free them. If the show’s creators (who include Buffy alum Jane Espenson) don’t play up the camp potential, they might as well swallow a poisoned apple now.