You can’t be a queer person navigating through the modern-day world without hearing some straight-up nonsense.
And in a recent Reddit thread, gay and bi men listed hetero comments that have gotten stuck in their craw.
“What are some of the mildly offensive things that straight people naïvely say to you?” Reddit user u/orangenormal wrote in the r/AskGayMen subreddit, kicking off the conversation. “I’m not talking about overt homophobia but … little societal microaggressions from people who probably mean well.”
Here’s a selection of quotes from the thread, and frankly, we’re surprised that commenters were only “mildly offended”—we’d be maximally offended if some of these remarks were lobbed our way!
How about we take this to the next level?
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“You’re gay? But you don’t act gay!”
“But you’re not all lean and muscular, and you don’t wear colorful clothes.”
“You’re gay, but you’re cool.”
“Are you and your husband still together?”
“Which one of you is the woman?”
Related:
Redditors name what the straights will never understand about the gay experience
You know what they say about walking a mile in another person’s shoes, but what are the lessons that can’t be taught?
“Oh, my cousin/uncle/accountant is gay!”
“Hey, I have a gay friend. You guys should date.”
“We’re cool as long as you don’t hit on me.”
“Have you ever tried sleeping with a woman?”
“How do you know you’re gay if you haven’t tried it?”
“Would you sleep with a woman if you had to?”
“It’s such a waste that you’re gay.”
“You’re so handsome. It’s such a pity.”
“Oh, is [same-sex marriage] legal here? I didn’t know you could get married here.”
Related:
“Just don’t be bisexual around me/my family.”
“I have so many gay friends and colleagues.”
“I tolerate you.”
“I accept you. It’s not my place to judge. I don’t decide who gets into heaven.”
“You’re too short to be straight.”
“How are you Korean and gay?”
“Are your parents supportive?”
“You’re not bi, just greedy.”
“The gay ‘lifestyle.”
CatholicXXX
I thought this one was a compliment: “You’re gay? But you don’t act gay!”
ericm
It’s not a compliment. It’s a micro aggression because there is no one way that gay men should act like. If you don’t conform to their idea of what gay is, it’s only because they have prejudicial views of gay men. If you are gay, by definition you act gay.
wikidBSTN
That’s b/c you’re an idiot.
Cam
What a shock, the same troll account that defends anti-LGBTQ bigots, thinks “acting gay” is an insult.
dbmcvey
Catholic damage.
PinkoOfTheGange
What is “Acting gay”?
Openminded
I’m taking ericm’s explanation to mean that if you are gay and you act like your own free self, then your are acting gay. Maybe “acting your true gay” would be a better way to put it. The micro agression comes in with the expectation that all gay men must behave in a certain set pattern that much of society has chosen to be gay behavior.
dbmcvey
It’s being comfortable in not being what is generally considered “masculine.” It’s being unafraid to be yourself.
Man About Town
I remember hearing a good response to the lame “If you’ve never had sex with a woman, how do you know you won’t like it?”
“Have you ever had sex with a porcupine? Wait…you haven’t? Then how do you know you won’t like it?”
Also, a gay friend told me his str8 “friend” said “I don’t mind that you’re gay, but why do you have to act on it?” I said, “And you call this buttwipe a friend?”
nm4047
I going to suggest the not so mildly offensive comments from other gays often get from other gays would be way longer and not too much of it would be mild.
frapachino
Stop being “offended” if any of those things bothers you use it as a chance to educate and stop with the victimhood mentality! Better yet just ignore it.
Scribe38
Disrespectfully f- that
Cam
The right wing troll account that becomes ENRAGED if somebody SUGGESTS that Melania isn’t brilliant, or Trump isn’t a great guy tells victims of bigotry to stop being offended.
As always, your trolling is sad and weak.
swingbozo
You spelled “frappuccino” wrong.
Scribe38
“You’re not like other gay guys or Black guys”
“You’re cool for a gay guy”
“You have standards? I just assumed you slept with anyone, who is gay”
“I just think gay guys adopting kids is gross, but I think you would make a good dad”
All the same white dude that went to my college. I eventually ghosted him, after me correcting his b.s. got old. After graduation, I Blocked him on everything & he had our mutals asking me why.
Stan H
Most of these questions do not bother me if the person asking them are not rude while asking.
PhillyProud
I’ve been called a “safe gay” because I don’t “act gay” and I don’t talk about men in a sexual way… Well, not to them, anyway.
I think acting gay is when we fit into their stereotypes.
My response to being a safe gay was, “I’m not man enough to be overtly feminine”.
Or, I’m sure I’m not the first one to hear, “I don’t have a problem with gay people, but does it have to be in our faces?”
Or, “I don’t have a problem with gay people, but the thought of two men kissing makes me nauseous”. Face it sparky, you have a problem with gay people.
radiooutmike
One of mine was, “You don’t have to wear your gayness on your sleeve.” by a gay dude I was hooking up with.
MISTERJETT
“You’re gay? oh man, i thought you were normal.”