Utah County has been called “the most Republican county in the most Republican state in the United States.” It is 88 percent Mormon and has consistently voted for Republican presidents since 1992. That’s why it’s remarkable that the county’s 40-year-old Utah County Commissioner, Nathan Ivie, just came out on Facebook as gay.
In the video, the soft-spoken politician (wearing a cowboy hat) says, “I’m sharing my story with you here today because I know I need to be honest with my friends, my family and my neighbors here in Utah county.”
He continued, “What I have to say isn’t easy for me and may not be taken well by everyone who hears it. I understand that. I just hope you’ll hear what I have to say with the same spirit I want to share it with. There’s no easy way to say this. I might as well just jump up and say it, I’m gay. That’s my reality, and that’s what I need to talk to you about today.”
“I’m still the same person I’ve always been,” he added. “I hope to you this part of my life doesn’t become my defining trait.”
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He then said he has felt different since age nine and, upon realizing his attraction to the same sex, he believed something was wrong with him and wanted to find some way to change his orientation.
“That battle resulted in a failed suicide attempt when I was 22 years old,” Ivie said. Even though he recovered from that “near tragedy,” he says he never felt comfortable in his own skin as he continued trying to live as a heterosexual.
Related: Valedictorian comes out as gay during graduation speech at Mormon university
He and his wife have decided to dissolve their marriage and have discussed how they can move forward “as different kind of family to fulfill the responsibilities we took on together to our two amazing children,” he noted.
“Sharing my truth with my wife was hard, but together — after long days and nights of confronting this issue — we’ve come to a place of love and understanding. She’s my best friend and supporter, and I’m hers,” he said.
“I felt I was living someone else’s life other than my own. It felt deceptive not only to others, but also to myself,” he added. “I’ve come to accept while I may be different, I’m still a loving person worthy of love who values others and hopes to be valued. I know there are haters in every area of our lives, but we cannot let that be what defines us as a community.”
All except for four of the 107 comments on his Facebook video so far have been completely supportive of his coming out. Three of the four comments mostly ask why he’s still a member of the Republican party. Another comment suggests that he might be staying as part of the Republican party because it’s easier to create change from within the party than from without.
The Republican party national platform currently “condemns” same-sex marriage. Similarly, the Mormon church remains very anti-gay and even supports so-called ex-gay conversion therapy, a debunked form of psychological abuse, for turning gay people straight. In April, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said it will now allow children of same-sex couples to be baptized and no longer considers gay Mormons as apostates (that is, people who have abandoned their religious beliefs).
While his political party affiliation may seem disappointing, a county commissioner’s responsibilities vary depending on the locale. In general, they’re tasked with ensuring the enforcement of county ordinances including the levying of local taxes and ensuring the function of civil services, infrastructure repair and governmental function.
As such, it’s unclear how much impact he could have on the party’s anti-gay stances. But publicly advocating for same-sex couples and their rights in county services could help create a more fair and equitable Utah despite its Mormon and highly conservative leanings.
youarederanged
Clearly a brave and free-thinking man. I gladly welcome any outside-the-political-box newcomer to our community!
Cam
And by outside the box, you mean somebody who is affiliated with a political party that endorses anti-LGBTQ hate laws and discrimination against us.
lord.krath
I, like many other readers, understand how important it is to support people that are finally living their truth, but brave is not the right word to describe him. LGBTQ politics have been more and more visible and people have become more and more accepting and loving of our community. Why wait until now? I am happy for him. I’m happy that his wife is supportive. We don’t know how politics and religion have guided his personal life and those around him, but we can make a few educated guesses. If he has known this for a long time, then he has potentially hurt people. That is between them, but we know more that makes this coming out story anything but brave. Perhaps his coming out will soften the minds and hearts of a few folks. I really hope the best for them.
Dr Bob
He actually never stated anything on same-sex marriage. He does not state anything regarding fighting for lgbtq equality. He only seeks to have his sexuality not be an issue with his peers. He is basically groveling. I’m not impressed.
stanhope
Agreed..he might have just as well said…i’m a bottom, that would have been a sexual statement..saying i’m gay is a political one and clearly he didn’t do anything to support the politics of it all. Congratulations bottom one, may you find success with all of the closet cases all around in utah.
OhNoYouDont
U Tah me you liked girls !
Shaugn
I feel it’s always good news when someone faces their truth. This man should be congratulated and supported. If all closeted Republicans came out this would be a much better world.
stanhope
Congratulated? Really bitch? He deceived his wife. Now he wants to suck richards leaving his family in ashes. He said nothing about the politics of his faith and state, he is just taking care of his urges. I neither congratulate nor support him.
Gary Q VV
Wow. @stanhope… you shouldn’t be so… ya know!
Jared MacBride
Someone must have been about to “out” him.
lovethyneighbor
I think it is great Nathan Ivie has come to accept his true self. I have difficulty in trying to understand the level of deception it takes to enter into a marriage with the opposite sex and come out later as a gay man. I tried dating a girl and thought about marrying her; however, I could not put her through the kind of pain deceiving her to that level would have taken. I still ended up hurting her, but in the long run, I thank God I did not pull her down a life-long path with me only to leave her side mid-life even if we chose to remain friends.
I agree with “Dr. Bob,” Ivie seems to be doing a political endorsement rather than a coming out groveling and begging for his friends to understand his challenges. I’m wondering why he didn’t ask people to support and embrace his wife as she goes through years of pain as she goes through various stages of grief for this relationship. While I understand and know that none of us are perfect, he should have simply come out and left the “yee-haw” background music out of the video. I’m glad he found his truth, but don’t try to snowball yourself by believing conservatives are truly going to embrace you — not all conservatives are bad and untrustworthy, but many will abandon you, or at the very least, talk crap behind your back. Embrace your LGBTQ+ community where you and your wife will get the highest of support that is straightforward, without judgment, and love unconditionally. Right now, I feel more for your wife and children, who have to process all of this. I will keep you all in my prayers. Best to you all!
Doug
This was really moving to watch. This is the first time I’ve watched a person coming out and felt sad that we as gay people have to continually go through this. It’s an incredibly vulnerable thing to have to do.
Chipper
MY question is why did you wait for so long? I know coming out is a difficult process for someone who married to a woman. My coming out was not a good one. But some come to realize later in life. I came out late 20’s . It was difficult for the family. But it is not the end of the world. Each case is different. Sounds like you both are trying to approach everything in a good fashion. Its good that she is your best friend. couples can come out, but not all have the same result as your. Good luck in the future, But the republican party will cast you out, as probably your church will. Good luck.
enlightenone
“…doesn’t become my defining trait.” Still doesn’t know that sexual orientation is not a trait, but rather a powerful force that can’t be denied or repressed, just elaborate attempts to continue to deceive and minimize. Making a staged P.R. spin statement that does not demonstrate ACCOUNTABLE for the harm he has caused over a long life in order to avoid and or minimize the natural and political consequences of his LIFE CHOICES. He condemned nothing! Still, selfish which shows a lack of true maturity and remorse.
Kangol2
Thank you!
DavidIntl
It is quite unfortunate that he not only will have to deal with unsupportive voices in his geographical community there in Utah, but also these unsupportive voices from the LGBT community here on Queerty. When I came out publicly – around the same age and in circumstances that weren’t dissimilar, having also been involved in local politics in a very conservative area – I had great support from most of my friends and family. But I was definitely disappointed to see just how unpleasant many in the gay community were.
Kangol2
He’ll ultimately be accepted by LGBTQ people, but he also needs to realize that supporting and working for a party that has actively fought against gay/LGBTQ equality, again and again, leaves a very, very bad taste in people’s mouths. You do get that, right? Because it’s not just about him and his family or you and your family and friends, but millions of people whose lives are affected by the policies and laws legislated by politicians and advanced by political activists. If you take only the last 50 years, since Stonewall, the GOP–like the Mormon Church–has repeatedly been on the anti-gay side, sometimes with fatal ramifications. Repeatedly. An apology for that would be great from Mr. Ivie.
enlightenone
The different is WE, the “LGBT community” are NOT your family or friends; therefore, you, like the Republican, “coming out of the closet case” because he now, perhaps, have a “gay” lover, need to EARN our support! What, may I ask, did you do over the years to rectify/heal the damage you caused given that the two of you were in similar boats with a slow leak? If you don’t want to tell us, call him and offer your unconditional support and how he can EARN our support!
DavidIntl
@enlightenone – I don’t believe I caused any ‘damage’ which needs to be ‘rectified’. My political activities were in a context which was officially non-partisan (school board candidates do not run with an R or a D next to their name) and the only party I was ever officially a member of was the Libertarian party, for a couple of years. I have all my life been supportive of most LGBT causes. It is true that most voters probably thought of me as one of the more conservative candidates, from a reading of my positions on some issues (like fiscal responsibility) but I also had an opportunity to surprise a few people in a debate when I was taking very socially-liberal positions on things like drug policy, and in my strong support for an openly gay principal, who was honestly one of the most effective educators I have ever known. I don’t the details of Mr. Ivey’s past positions and votes, but I don’t have any reason to believe he had taken positions which were harmful to the LGBT community. I am wary of your insinuation of guilt by association for just having had an R next to his name. Although I am not one, there are plenty of ‘Log Cabin Republicans’ out there actively working to steer that party toward more LGBT-friendly positions from within.
Kangol2
He is basically Joe Pitt from Angels in America, the Mormon Republican who is married to a woman and who struggles with his sexuality. Unlike the other gay characters he refuses to get involved with the struggle LGBTQ struggle, and is closely linked to Roy Cohn (in the play). Tony Kushner is a brilliant playwright, and also prescient, since he basically wrote a version of Nathan Ivie’s story. I just hope Ivie’s wife doesn’t lose her marbles like Joe Pitt’s wife Harper does in the play(s).
Gary Q VV
Welcome Nathan Ivie. And, you should know that there are millions of people who are supportive of your brave and sensible way of coming out of a toxic (closeted and urging to come out) lifestyle. You have no reason to believe that you harmed, betrayed, or did anything negative towards your family, community, and especially yourself. Your lovely children will always love you because you will remain there dad. I’ve seen this happen numerous times.
Don’t let these few negative comments bother you – they’re just sad, pathetic, and most likely closeted queer trolls trying to relieve there internal pains by hurting others.
I’d like to complement you on your outgoing style, and ability to calmly with candor express the troubles you had with a very common thread throughout the LGBTQ community – suicide and attempted suicide. Thank goodness you failed.
I hope you quickly seek gay friends, and one day soon, that right-man for you. There are reliable sources who report that there are lots of gay cowboys and cowboy lovers in and around Utah… you lucky ginger cowboy!! Good luck & Yee! Haw!
gdwiepert
after trying for years, including painful conversion therapy I came out very late in life. I also participated in a group to help married men and men with children to come out. I ti hard for some to understand that the realization that one’s attraction to men is stronger than toward women can come well into adult hood. Its is hard road to follow and most of the men in our support group achieved a good resolution with their wives and children. The paramount concern of young children was expressed as ” Will we still see you ” , and the answer] was “always “
youarederanged
The comments in this section prove that our community is so full of hate. The new privilege that we should be talking about is the privilege that young gays or gays in liberal places have when coming out. It’s easy for so many that they now judge and attack men who don’t have their same privilege when they come out. You people are deranged and need help. This dude came out when the time was right for him and none of us know the reasons or the conversations he’s had with his wife or others. Politics aside, cause we get you want every gay to be in one party and follow the same policies and have no opinions outside the group think, but this is a human being who is trying to live his best and most honest life now. I wholeheartedly support this man and have no hate. I’ll leave the hate to all you nasty ones.