hit the showers

How Disgraced Rep. Eric Massa Knows How Big Rahm Emanuel’s Penis Is

At this point, ex-Rep. Eric Massa knows why one of his his male staffers accused him of unwanted advances. Namely, because he told him “what I really ought to be doing is frakking you” at another staffer’s wedding, which was supposed to be a LOL. But now that everyone knows Massa is the next Mark Foley (if not in theory, then at least in scandal), he’s just lobbing the gay sex jokes our way. Like the time White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel confronted him. Naked. In the shower.

Massa is blaming his supposedly non-scandal on a scapegoat hunt led by Democratic leaders who wanted him gone because he was voting “no” on health care reform. Fine. But he wasn’t going to let the barbs he threw end there. Calling Emmanuel the “son of the devil’s spawn” who “would strap his children to a front end of a steam locomotive” on his radio show Sunday, Massa described their intimate encounter.

Massa said Emanuel came up to him last year, shortly after he entered Congress, while he was trying to clean up to give him grief about a budget vote.
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“I’m sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t gonna vote for the president’s budget,” Massa said. “Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man? … It’s ridiculous.”

He continued, “By the way, what the heck is he doing in the congressional gym? He goes there to intimidate members of Congress.”

But let’s be fair: The only way for one guy to intimidate another in the showers is to swing a bigger dick than he. So is this Massa admitting Rahm’s wang is 2X the size of his own? Or does a certain Obama BFF just sport the lowest hangers? Details, Massa, details!

(For what it’s worth, the White House calls Massa’s conspiracy theories “ridiculous.” No word on whether that applies to the shower story.)