A husband accidentally touched his co-worker’s erection during an orgy and now he fears he’s “secretly gay.” A high school wrestler woke up one morning to find he had herpes… all over his face. And a couple in Ireland exchanged “I dos” on a vintage WWI tanker. These are just a few of the strange things that happened over the past seven days.
Scroll down for some of the most bizarro gayish new stories of the week…
Noble 20-something-year-old man quits Grindr, vows one year of chastity
Fed up with all the shallow, sex-crazed, non-committal jerks he’s been meeting on hookup apps, Tom Young says he’s giving up sex for an entire year. “I finally realized that the hook-up culture I embraced had left me feeling unfulfilled,” he pontificates in an op-ed published this week by the Washington Post. “Between the hot encounters and desperate debauchery, I chose fleeting gratification over anything else.” Someone’s got a loooong year ahead.
Firefighters rescue man from the death grip of over a dozen metal cock rings
Firefighters in Munich, Germany were called to assist a man who got not one, not two, not three, not five, not seven, not ten, not 12, but 13 — yes, 13! — metal cock rings stuck around his penis. The 52-year-old checked himself into a local ER after wearing the rings for four days straight. When doctors couldn’t help him, they called the fire department, who had to use two angle grinders to free the man. Afterwards, doctors advised him to never, ever, ever do that again. Here’s hoping he heeds their advice.
Unlucky high school student catches facial herpes during wrestling match
Imagine getting an STD… all over your face. Your chin. Your cheeks. Your neck. Your forehead. Your nose. Your mouth. Everywhere. That’s exactly what happened to 17-year-old Blake Flovin, who caught facial herpes during a recent high school wrestling match. Herpes galdiatorum, also known as “mat herpes,” is spread from skin-to-skin contact and is actually pretty common among wrestlers. Unfortunately for Flovin, the virus is not curable and, as a result of his outbreak, he had to pull out of an upcoming state tournament.
Buffalo, NY named the most homophobic city on Twitter
Thinking about taking a trip? You may want to avoid shuffling off to Buffalo (a.k.a. the City of Good Neighbors). New research has found that the snowy upstate New York hamlet ranks #1 for crafting the most homophobic tweets in America, with an impressive 168,000 antigay tweets written between June 2014 and December 2015. Congratulations, Buffalo.
Married man fears he’s “secretly gay” after accidentally touching another man’s erection
A 34-year-old married man suffered a crisis of sexual orientation when he and his wife participated in an orgy with another couple and his penis inadvertently brushed up against the other man’s. So he wrote to his local newspaper asking if he may be “secretly gay.” The advice columnist’s response was priceless: “I do not believe for a moment that you are ‘secretly gay.’ To put it mildly, your entire story seems to be highly heterosexual.”
Gay couple hosts World War I themed wedding in Ireland
We’ve seen super hero weddings, heard mentions of Wizard of Oz weddings at this creepy abandoned theme park, and even saw fabulousness personified when two nice Jewish boys entered their ceremony on a live unicorn. But Mark White and his partner Kerwin Villabolos set a new bar for weird wedding theme: World War I. The couple exchanged wedding vows on a vintage war tank and dressed in authentic army uniforms. Because what better way to profess your love for one another than by reenacting war?