THIN ICE

Johnny Weir’s Divorce Now Involves Ruined Birkin Bags, Restraining Orders And Doggy Drama

Johnny Weir Voronov biting llIt’s not as if anyone expected the divorce between publicity-loving figure skater Johnny Weir and his soon-to-be ex-hubby Victor Voronov to be less than super-dramatic, but it seems to be growing more bitterly unpleasant by the hour. When we last checked in there was a lot of “he said/he said” going on with Voronov claiming to be shocked that Weir filed for divorce, despite plenty of evidence it was coming. And it’s almost stopped being fun to watch when sweet, innocent doggies are involved. Fortunately or not, we have the good folks at TMZ to thank for the up-to-the-minute reports on their splitsville shenanigans. It’s easy to snicker about Weir being upset when Voronov defaced his favorite Birkin bag. Can’t you just picture him shrieking in horror, “NOT THE BIRKIN!!!” Actually, that’s not too far off.

TMZ obtained a very passive-aggressive email he sent to Voronoz last September to try to make amends after some fracas, rumored to be infidelity on Weir’s part, occurred between them. Prepare yourself for some really moving poetry.

“If you decide to wreck things, please wreck cheaper things than Birkins,” Weir wrote. “The f*** you on the Birkin is kinda cool, though, you artist. I know you don’t care about Hill I’ll survive if you divorce me, but please leave my Birkin bags, Celine bags and Chanel bags alone.”

There’s speculation that Weir has suffered from financial woes as the email indicated he planned to part with the bags on eBay, while curiously pledging “eternal” love from “the depths of my broken heart.” Who knew Johnny could be such a softie. If someone ruined our leather handbag (Birkins typically retail for between $10K-25K), we’d cut a bitch.

unnamedOr maybe just bite him. Which is exactly what Weir did. Take a look at the photo (left) TMZ obtained of the hideous, painful-looking wound on Voronov’s arm. That’s more serious than some S/M playtime gone wrong. The now-notorious biting incident took place back in January and resulted in a domestic abuse charge that was eventually dismissed when Voronov decided not to press charges after all.

But since then the situation intensified to the point where on March 5 Weir became so frustrated that he punched Voronov in the arm (hopefully it wasn’t the wounded bicep) and then began pelting him with jewelry and a wooden Russian doll (a Sochi souvenir?)!

Voronoz high-tailed it to court to seek a restraining order against his one-time beloved. Weir, perhaps mindful of the worth of those Birkins and knowing what Voronov was up to, marched into court ahead of his estranged husband to obtain an order that allowed him 30 minutes inside the apartment the two shared  in New Jersey to collect a few personal belongings.

0321-weir-dog-insatgram-3But Weir being Weir made a triple axel grand entrance accompanied by six policemen. You’re undoubtedly wondering which personal belongings Weir couldn’t live without. They include two TVs, several Hermes scarves, a few costumes and — OK, we’re going to stop being cynical here — he snatched Tema, a beautiful Japanese Chin the two men shared. TMZ writes that Voronoz sobbed uncontrollably as Weir split with their pooch.

This all begs two questions:

How can anyone squeeze so much drama into such a short period of time?

Also, is it too soon to begin dream casting the inevitable TV movie this mess will inspire? We see James Deen as Voronov and Christina Ricci as Weir.