It’s deeply problematic when people hear that a famous man is with a trans woman and they automatically think that he’s gay. Because that is disavowing the womanhood of trans women.
And it is not acknowledging that sexuality exists on a spectrum, and that you can be into a trans women and be completely straight. You can be pansexual. You can be bisexual. There are so many different things. And it should all be OK.
I can’t believe, in 2022, we’re still dealing with stigma. And that there are so many men, celebrity men, famous men, who are terrified of people finding out that they’re sleeping with trans women. I honestly can’t believe it.”Laverne Cox talking to Angelica Ross about the stigma that surrounds men who date trans women on the latest episode of If We’re Being Honest With Laverne Cox.
Related: Am I trans? Figuring out your gender
Donston
She really didn’t have to make anything about someone being “gay”. I am definitely getting tired of a decent percentage of trans and bi/pan/fluid pride people exuding so much obsession with cis, hetero validation and confirmation. (And yes, a lot of gay-presenting people are that way as well). It’s tired and it’s dated and it’s insecure, and it’s borderline homophobic and gay-panic-y. That is something “queers” really need to evolve away from.
Yes, we need to understand just how wide and individual sexuality, sexual journey, preferences, paraphiliac, the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum is. However, promoting gay panic isn’t the way. Fighting trans-phobia includes fighting gay panic and queer insecurities. While we already have a ton of dudes hyping up their trans attractions while exuding homophobia and gay panic or low-key using cis women and/or trans people to cover up their typical “gay” interests or attractions or experiences or cover up being overall gay-leaning. Don’t contribute to the messiness. That’s not where queerness should be heading. As I’ve said many times, at least half of these actors have queer dimensions, don’t live completely traditionally lifestyles, and/or are somewhere in the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. None of it should be surprising.
Neoprene
Brilliant comma binges, even by your high standards!
Donston
That’s actually a fairly balanced post punctually by my standards. But nice try.
LumpyPillows
Donston +1. Neoprene -1. I have a spreadsheet. I’m keeping track.
Neoprene
I can’t believe, in 2022, that we’re dealing with people like Laverne Cox who just make it all up for social media attention.
Donston
What is she “making up”? A shit ton of actors have queer dimensions and/or don’t live traditionally hetero lifestyles. Anyone with a lick of sense knows that. My only issue with her statement is the low-key promotion of gay panic and the cis, hetero validation seeking. We see too much of it from a percentage of trans people, people with trans attractions, and bi/pan/fluid presenting folks. Obsessing over the “straight” label and constantly seeking cis, hetero validation is not helpful to anyone. It just feeds into more manipulation and insecurities.
LumpyPillows
The problem with people like Laverne has nothing to do with her being trans. It has everything to do with being an attention whore.
You cannot be into trans women and be “completely straight”. There is nothing wrong with being into trans women, but it isn’t “completely straight”.
Then there is the issue that most trans women have penises…so there is that. Or has she decided that trans women with penises aren’t good enough?
Donston
It’s not about “attention”. It’s about validation and confirmation. I really don’t care about “gay” or “straight”. At this point, those are just words that people embrace or don’t.
Some trans women (some) feel as if straight-presenting guys hooking up with them validates their gender dimensions and expression. Just like some trans men feel as if gay-presenting guys hooking up with them validates their man-ness. I do feel like no matter how you flip it or frame it, trans attractions are queer and always will be. There’s just far more people in the world with queer dimensions than folks want accept or acknowledge. I do agree with her as far as many folks constantly throwing the word “gay” around when it comes to anything that isn’t fully and traditionally hetero (often using it as an insult or damnation). And I agree that more people need to be less basic when it comes to understanding how wide and individual sexuality is and the gender, sexual, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum are. That should not equate to promoting gay panic and supporting the “I’m not ‘gay’ hysteria” we see from many guys with some non heterosexual dimensions. It does not help trans people or anyone. It just promote cis/hetero normalcy and queer insecurities.
Eternal.Cowboy
It’s Lumpty Dumpty …… What happened to you much vaunted red wave due to the left supporting trans rights? … I guess Americans didn’t share your bigotry…. but you still don’t have the awareness to figure that out…. Better luck next time!
LumpyPillows
The nasty cowboy, how I have missed you. I’m so happy the red wave did not happen. Does not invalidate the underlying concern about how toxic the left is to democratic chances at the polls. We did lose the house. It will be a shit show. How did we lose the house to fascists? If you want to have a discussion, talk about that. It’s not a game.
IvanPH
That’s just fetish.
Prax07
Trans women are Not women though, so yeah, guys into them are Not straight. Guys gaving sex with them are having sex with men because teans women are Biological men.
Tallskin5
Yep, spot on
bachy
Laverne’s right about one thing: there are a lot of men with a powerful erotic fascination with transgenders. They may be cool with cross-dressers or “femboys” too, but what distinguishes them is the degree to which “femininity” is essential to their desire. They don’t care for any expression of “masculinity” – beards, muscles, deep voices – which they find to be a turn-off. Even if a t-girl has a big D, they want her to be as “feminine” as possible. Lacy lingerie, smooth hairless skin, high heels, makeup, wigs, elaborate manicures all feature in their erotic fantasy life. Which is why Laverne and others like her consider them “straight.”
Tallskin5
“there are a lot of men with a powerful erotic fascination with transgenders”
– there may be a few but i doubt if it’s “a lot”! A few confused gay boys in a club off their tits on various drugs and prey to the trans predators desperate for endorsement is certainly not proof that “a lot” of men are into these cross dressers
Where are your stats to backup what you’re saying?
bachy
If you can send me a way to contact you (email) off Queerty, I’ll link you up.
ryepie2222
Laverne is messy.
And, a horrible actress
Kangol2
She was pretty good in Inventing Anna, the streaming series about notorious scammer and fake heiress Anna Delvey. I was pleasantly surprised.
LumpyPillows
Horrible actress? Nah, there are worse.
Vince
Ha. Newsflash…actual straight guys do not want a chick with a dick.
Saying that is as narcissistic as me saying I can even make the straight guys want me when I was younger and full of myself. It was no more deluded then what this twat is preaching today though.
dbmcvey
Ha. Newsflash…you don’t know what you’re talking about.
SDR94103
she is sickening.
LumpyPillows
Sickening? Really? You told us much more about you in three words than we really wanted to know.
dbmcvey
I bet two of them are Ben Shapiro and Jesse Watters.
dbmcvey
Wow! This really brought out the sad incels.
LumpyPillows
Just being nasty is a thing these days. I get it.
MrMichaelJ
I used to hang out with Laverne back in 2007 in NYC at an after-hours club and when the guys weren’t chasing her they were chasing women and not men.
amandayorke36
does it really matter i been with men and never ask questions xx maddie x