Like Any Smart Gay Man, The New iPhone 5 Values Staying Power Over Size

If you’re still living in 2011, you might not have heard that Apple unveiled details about the new iPhone 5 today at a special event in San Francisco. And, as expected, this baby is thinner, lighter, faster and stronger than any previous iteration.

Ugh, like we didn’t have body-image issues already—now even our phone is going to be a twink.

Comprised entirely of glass and aluminum, the new iPhone is about 18% sleeker and 20% lighter than the 4S. But  it’s still got a larger four-inch screen that can accommodate another row of apps or icons and comes with 44% more color saturation. (Supposedly the phone won’t even won’t even cost more than the 4S.)

Apple has also addressed the speed gap users routinely complain about:  “It’s also compatible with several new wireless networks, including HSPA+, DC-HSDPA, and LTE, meaning the iPhone can finally match the wireless speeds of competing products such as the Samsung Galaxy line,” Apple marketing VP Phil Schiller said. “And the iPhone 5 is twice as fast as the 4S, Schiller said, thanks to a smaller, faster processor called the A6.”

Your Grindr profile pics never looked crisper.

Regular folks like us can pre-order an iPhone 5 starting September 14, with the phone officially available at Apple Stores on September 21.

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  • Joshua

    and like much else in life it is a disappointment. Personally I am looking forward to the Nokia Lumia 920. Better screen, better camera and it has NFC for those place where you can pay with that. iPhone is like the gay man always behind on the latest fashion.

  • yaoming

    The gayest thing about this phone is Tim Cook and he wasn’t even mentioned in the post. Otherwise, why is this gay news, because you can put Grindr on it?

  • fagburn

    More advertorial!

  • Jawsch

    Except the iPhone 5 offers not “Advantage” over any other top of the line smartphone on the market.

    I’m extremely disappointed as I had planned on upgrading from the 4 but honestly, I don’t see why I should waste my money.

    The battery life compared to it’s competition is the worst.
    The resolution is the worst
    Camera is exactly the same
    Screen size is the smallest

    OH BUT WAIT, it’s smaller and lighter. -__- Woo hoo?
    This is a major flop in my opinion. It offers no real “upgrades” from the 4 beyond Siri, which I would never utilize. Guess it’s time to hop off the iPhone wagon and try out other phones. :( I’ve always had an iPhone…

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