"Your Name Is Mud"

LISTEN: In Leaked Voicemail, Corey Feldman Screams At One Of His “Angels” For Quittig Show


Imagine if you were one of Corey Feldman’s “Angels” but decided to quit mere days before his already legendarily terrible Today Show appearance. Perhaps as you get dressed you look wistfully at the angel wings you hung up the night before, and then daintily go downstairs to make yourself a rejuvenating cup of dandelion root tea.

Just as you’re starting to feel centered and detoxified, you make the mistake of checking your voicemails and realize that Corey has had another one of his bratty Bipolar II breakdowns, and left a stream of inchoate abuse on your phone.

Related: Corey Feldman’s “Today Show” Performance The Definition Of “Trainwreck”

That’s more or less the predicament guitarist Krystal Khali found herself in after ultimately opting out of Corey Feldman’s show, only to be told later that she’d “never get another [bleeping] gig in LA.”

“I kind of knew it was gonna be a [bleep] show and an embarrassment,” she tells Page Six, adding that Feldman’s dancing “was distracting… I couldn’t look at him.”

Working conditions weren’t all that great, either. Though Khali lives in Las Vegas, Feldman didn’t offer to pay for her ticket, expecting she’d be willing to do it for the glory. She used a roomate’s air miles instead.

Feldman offered to pay for meals, but he “only eats once a day.” At the very least, he paid for her ticket to New York for the taping.

Related: Corey Feldman Threatens To Return To NBC For Encore Performance

Though an organizer for the event offered her a room, Feldman absolutely insisted that she shack up with him and his “maingel,” a certain DJ Courtey Anne Mitchell — just in case they were abruptly bit by the inspiration bug and “needed to rehearse.”

“I got the impression that Corey was wanting to lead it into a sexual direction,” Khali said, but “he didn’t say anything outright. No one was disrobing.”

When Feldman found out Khali quit, he likely donned his most intimidating snakeskin cloak before going characteristically bananas on her voicemail:

No human being on this earth would be selfish enough and egotistical enough and [bleeped] up in the head enough to [bleep] friends over like this at the last minute. You know I spent real money, and you know that I am struggling, and you know how hard it’s been to get to this point, and no person would do this .?.?. unless you are a soulless, careless, inhumane [bleeping] piece of [bleep]. So I really hope for all [bleeping] practical purposes that this is an elaborate [bleeping] joke.”

“If I don’t [bleeping] hear from you, your name is [bleeping] mud. Let me tell you, don’t even think about coming back to LA because you’ll never get another [bleeping] gig in that town. Ever. I will [bleeping] make sure everybody knows what a piece of [bleep] you are.”

You can listen to the voicemail here. Producers, load up those software samplers: