Man wonders “Is this normal?” after guy he chatted with on Grindr turns up at his work uninvited

A dilemma posted on Reddit has prompted hundreds of responses. Posting in the AskGayBros subreddit, the poster said he’d been chatting to a guy on Grindr. It sounds like he’s fairly new to the app and is unsure of what constitutes acceptable behavior.

“I’m working overnight shifts,” he began. “I was texting with a really nice guy tonight and mentioned I am at work. He just came to the gas station where I work unannounced past 4 am.

“He kept trying to urge me to meet him in the bathroom at my job and now I’m worried because I don’t know this man and he is showing up at work trying to have sex like some maniac. I don’t know if he is crazy or just people from Grindr are crazy.

“This is a big turn-off for me because I want to take things slow, maybe see a movie and kiss first. Is it possible to meet a guy for that on Grindr?”

The responses

Unsurprisingly, people had a lot to say… with almost everyone warning that this is wholly inappropriate and unwelcome behavior.

The most-well-liked reply had the added element of a twist.

“No, that’s not normal. I’m f*cked up so I’d like it, but yeah it’s scary. Get him away from you.”

When that response began to get hundreds of upticks, its writer added clarification.

“I must make something clear. Simply because this is my fantasy doesn’t mean it’s OK to just do this to someone. Consent is key, and discussing boundaries is important. [The] OP deserves his safety, and to work without fear as we all do. The Grindr guy was way out of line and should be put in his place.”

Others were more blunt.

“He probably thought it would be a super hot surprise. But he was clearly wrong. You should absolutely let him know that you’re not interested in doing that. And you should tell him you’re uncomfortable with him being where you work.”

Another man echoed this, saying, “That’s not f*cking normal. Set boundaries asap and report him to Grindr. Also, let security at work know if it gets too out of hand. You HAVE to protect yourself. I speak from experience.”

Others wanted to know how Grindr man knew where the man worked. It turned out he hadn’t even been specifically told but worked it out based on location.

“We were chatting, he asked some questions like what I’m doing up so late so I said I’m at work and the conversation went from there,” clarified the original poster. “I think he guessed which gas station based on location distance because there aren’t that many nearby.”

Eek!

Working in a public setting

In case anyone thinks this is a rare occurrence, others who work in public-facing jobs chimed in to share similar experiences.

“Anything retail, no matter the kind of store or profession, is a pretty public place,” said one person. “I’ve had people while on the clock at the mall shove their Grindr in my face and ask ‘Is this you?’ and I was appalled so I learned to stay off while I’m at work.”

Others told the gas station store to be firm, but not to allow it to put him off using dating apps.

“This individual was not respecting you. Stand your ground, state clear your boundaries, his behaviors were not okay. Not all on Grindr are creeps, like any other social space there would be ‘bad guys’, ‘good guys’ and everything in between.”

For most people, this is clearly not appropriate behavior. However, it does highlight the risk that those who serve the public face. Even if you happen to coincidentally bump into someone that you recognize on Grindr when out, think carefully about how it might come across to introduce yourself if you’ve not arranged to meet – especially if they’re at their place of work.

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