Despite numerous reports confirming that more and more men across the sexuality spectrum are embracing anal stimulation, there are still many who don’t want anything near their backends. Now, a riveting investigative report by the Guyliner at GQ tries to figure out why.
“It’s not exactly a secret that a man’s G-spot–the prostate gland–is up his butt,” the Guyliner writes, “so why do many guys hold back from exploring it?”
To get to the bottom of this (pun intended!), the Guyliner asked several men, both gay, straight, and bisexual, what it is about having their butts touched that they’re so afraid of.
Related: Straight Guy Opens Up About All The Stuff He Likes Done To His Butt
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Let’s take a look at what they had to say…
George, 28 and heterosexual, says:
I think a slap is as kinky as I get with my ass. I don’t like anything up there, it doesn’t feel right. Whenever we’ve got close to anything like that or I’ve felt something in that area I have felt uncomfortable. It hasn’t been painful, it’s just–a feeling.
Mark, 32 and also heterosexual, explains:
It’s gay, isn’t it? Doing up the bum is what gay men do and a lot of straight men don’t want people to think they’re gay. If I’m honest I think a lot of men know they would enjoy it. And there’s a worry you might like it.
God forbid!
Related: Straight Guy Tries Bottoming On Camera, Says “It Feels Pretty Good”
Dennis, gay and a “confirmed top”, says:
I won’t take it. Nothing. I don’t like it. I’m not saying that all bottoms are effeminate or anything but I like to feel masculine and in control. It’s uncomfortable getting into position and it can be degrading. It’s not what I’m into at all.
Toby, 30 and bisexual, offers a different take:
It is a very intimate experience, with a man or a woman. There is a lot of trust involved as it can be taboo to talk about outside a relationship, but as long as to respect each other, it’s fine. … I think if more men knew how f*cking explosive your orgasm could be if you stimulated your prostate at the same time, they’d all be doing it.
Spoken like a man who truly gets it!
Related: BREAKING: Tops sees their own bottoms for the very first time
Josh447
What’s that line out of the Bible? “If loves a pain in the ass you’re doing it wrong”. I think it’s in the chapter called Exitus. My suggestion: less religion. More sex.
Mo Bro
To me, the idea of bottoming is more appealing than the reality.
The reality is, it hurts.
Heywood Jablowme
Wow, I can’t believe I’m typing these words but… for once I agree with Mo Bro!!! [EEK… lightning strikes… tornadoes appear… the earth quakes]
I like the idea too, and I still give it a try once in awhile, but it’s never really been enjoyable.
Brian
I’m with you. I’ve tried it several times over the years, and every single time it’s been all pain, no pleasure. I know there must be something pleasurable about it considering 75% of gay men will gladly get those legs up, but it’s always eluded me. I think I made it about 5 minutes once, the other times it’s 2 minutes or less before I’m begging for mercy.
Mo Bro
@HeyJab:
Much like a broken clock, even Mo Bro’s can be right twice a day (especially if someone’s trying to stick something up my butt when that clock chimes).
@Brian:
Bingo.
Some are very hungry for such stimulation; some simply aren’t built to withstand such an invasion.
Prax07
I’m a bottom, non vers, that hates to bottom. I only do it when I have some type of emotional attachment to a guy because it really does hurt. The mental part of it, when fantasizing about it is crazy hot, but the actual reality stinks. You can’t eat for hours before it, cleaning properly to prepare is a chore, and the actual act hurts like crazy and only one guy I’ve ever been with really made it a pleasurable experience. Being a bottom that hates bottoming isn’t really fun. One guy really made the experience horrible, he essentially wouldn’t listen to my saying no, forced it on me, and I ended up bleeding for several days after. Not fun!
Brian
You make it sound like you have no choice in the matter.
kent25
who the hell were you with Mister Ed?
jhon_siders
LOL most Total tops I have met seem to have a attitude One I met was such a jerk I bought him drinks till he said ok try me I turned that guy every which way but loose about the loudest guy I have ever had ! He is now versatile like I am and we are regular play buddies He had no idea how much fun he had missed until then hes got a great ass in his fitted chaps a nice target !!
Mo Bro
Punctuation!
Punctuation!
Punc-tu-aaaaaation!!!
Heywood Jablowme
Well, sure, the prostate land is *somewhere* up in there but that doesn’t mean it’s in the exact same place for every guy or is going to feel exactly the same when stimulated. Just a couple millimeters of distance could easily make the difference between being extremely sensitive there, or it hurts every single time, or not feeling much of anything.
Heywood Jablowme
…prostate GLAND although it’s sort of prostate “land” too. Or call it the PROSTRATE gland because you’re prostrate when you do that.
judysdad
Done it, don’t like it a bit. Lots of kissing, frottage and a long, s!ow, deep, intense, sloppy 69 is perfect for me.
Jack Meoff
Do people still do 69. I stopped 69’ing about the same time I stopped having sex in the back seat of cars because I became an adult.
Mo Bro
Don’t listen to Jack, Judy’s Dad.
69ing is crazy-sensuous.
truckproductions
I think the more important question is why are versatile guys so insistent that tops and bottoms be versatile.. get over it. some people like to bottom, some don’t. it works out perfectly well.
jamih
It’s because the truly versatile ones are minority.
Ergimann
Back when I was first getting involved with a big city gay community, 35+ years ago, there is a joke that went around (and around, and around, and around). This is how it went:
If he says he’s a top, it means he is versatile .
If he says he is versatile, it means he’s a bottom.
If he says he is a bottom, it means he is selfish.
judysdad
Debunking the anal sex myth…and maybe putting an end to the ridiculous top/bottom bullshit as well:
https://www.good.is/articles/gay-sex-is-not-anal-sex
This is only one of a number of studies that have garnered the same results.
Evji108
I’m a top who has tried bottoming and never really enjoyed it. Having more than a finger in my hole doesn’t get me off, I don’t like the feeling , so I don’t do it. If it is such a turn on, how come most guys getting plowed don’t even have an erection?
Ergimann
Only 30% of men are able to maintain an erection while being penetrated; for the rest of us it’s an involuntary autonomic response that causes us to go soft and has nothing to do with how turned on we are.
An associated response that effects all men (AFAIK) is that when their penis is stimulated their anus clenches, making penetration more difficult and potentially more painful.
cancorv
It’s been such a long time. Maybe there are some websites where one can see anal sex ??? It would have to be obvious how much the receiver was in agony or ecstasy. Or a curious combination of both.
Orgoglio Masch
Would bet a paycheck that Dennis is a big ole power bottom for guys that can keep it DL. You can tell he totally does equate bottoming with effeminacy, which means he just does it secretly. One man’s top is another man’s bottom.
However, as far as why more guys don’t explore that region, I think most guys – straight, gay, bi, try – associate “the entry” with immense pain. If it didn’t hurt at first, more guys would totally.
kent25
well no one like they first few times, I know i didn’t but the funny thing is about a week later, I want to do it again, and again. why do you think there are so many bottoms
Adrianism
Most of the arguments I’ve heard from so called ‘total tops’ are ridiculous at best, rooted in a lack of knowledge and understanding of both male biology and psychology. Pain being one of them. The only pain one can feel, aside from the accommodation period, is generated in their head when they consciously or otherwise resist the penetration. The more on resists the penetration the more painful it is. The pain is not in response to the penetration but it is generated by the anal muscle ring contracting too strongly and in the process crushing the nerve endings. So no, it was neither the finger, nor the dildo, nor the dick’s fault that you suffered, it was entirely your fault. This is what I would call self-sabotage. Then there are those that claim that stimulation of their prostate does not give them pleasure. To these I can only say, open a damn biology book! The reason for these self-delusions often enough is rooted in one’s fear of emasculation. The same people that are terrified of being emasculated are also the ones that have no problem ’emasculating’ their partners. I just wonder, once you are done with the process, are you having sex with a man or a neuter? I mean if taking someone’s penis is emasculating then you clearly are not having sex with an other man.
One of the great tragedies of being surrounded by heterosexual signals at every step of our lives is the fact that some of us will undoubtedly internalise those symbols, in one way or the other. Some as a form of self-hate, others by unconsciously emulating archaic heterosexual gender and sex roles. The so called ‘tops and bottoms’ are one such example. But there is some good news. The number of those that identify with these extremes is decreasing in response to societies becoming ever more liberal and dissociating ‘traditional’ heterosexual expectation from their concept of masculinity. In most western countries for example there are longitudinal studies that looked at the evolution of these roles in relationship with STD transmission rates. Here is an example: http://www.latrobe.edu.au/arcshs/online-reports/lifetimes
All of these indicate that as societies become ever more liberal and gender depolarised so the number of ‘strict tops and bottoms’ decreases sharply.
Which is not the least bit surprising. One of the greatest part about being homosexual is our ability to reciprocate sexually in ways heterosexual people can only dream of. As such, versatility does not only enjoy a great advantage on the gay sexual market but also on the gay romantic market. In my generation I hardly meet anyone unwilling to switch roles. Nor would I ever enter a onesided relationship. It seems to me so unfulfilling to receive only half of what an other man can give me. It also makes sex extremely predictable and boring. Not a good recipe in neither a short nor a long-term relationship.