In a new vlog shared to her YouTube channel, actress Mayim Bialik, better known as “Blossom” from the hit 90’s sit-com, revealed that she just doesn’t “get” open relationships.
“Open relationships,” Bailik says. “That’s what it’s called when you’re in a relationship but then you have relationships with other people too. Like, not just sex. Emotionally relationships, too. And sex.”
“And everyone involved in this relationship knows about it!”
Things only go downhill from there.
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Related: Here’s How Americans Feel About Open Relationships And Sex Parties
Bailik goes on to explain that human beings aren’t “biologically wired to be monogamous. Men especially.”
Then she spews some Human Sexuality 101 bullsh*t about how men produce millions of sperm a day, and women produce one egg a month, so women have to be more selection about who they have sex with, and blah, blah, blah.
Then comes the judgement.
“One relationship is more than enough to me,” Bailik, who clearly doesn’t grasp the concept of polyamory, says. “How do you give to more than one person?”
She continues, “While I get that having sex with lots of people can be fun. I worry that open relationships are fostering a false sense of liberation.”
“It’s tremendously heartbreaking when a relationship is in trouble, but it would never occur to me to look for someone else to love or have sex with if the relationship I was in wasn’t working.”
Many commenters aren’t feeling Bailik’s video.
“Well that was deeply heteronormative,” one person writes.
“For someone who is as vocal as she is about being a supporter of LGBTQIA rights, you would think she could take ten seconds to mention where they are supposed to fit in to her antiquated ideas about sexuality,” another person adds.
“It’s very simple,” a third person explains, “to some people it DOES work. That is no wrong or right. Better or worse. Just people doing their choices.”
Related: Study: Gay Men Are Figuring Out How To Make Open Relationships Work
Blogger Becky Scott over at The Schmooze sums up the problem with Bialik’s argument perfectly:
The truth is we’re all individual human beings with different approaches to sex and relationships. You can speculate all you want about how evolution governs the personal relationship decisions made by a human being but, in the end, all you really need to understand is this: It’s absolutely none of your business.
And that seems to be what Mayim Bialik really doesn’t get about open relationships.
As the age-old adage goes: If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get gay married. And if you don’t like open relationships, don’t have sex with anyone but your boo.
We would add that, Blossom, if you’re reading, the next time you don’t “get” something, rather than searching within yourself for the answers, try asking people with some experience in the matter to explain it to you.
Watch Bialik run her mouth on something she clearly doesn’t understand below. Or don’t.
Danny595
She’s absolutely right. Good for her. And shame on Graham Gremore, the worst writer on Queerty who obsessively promotes promiscuity, for trying to silence her.
paul dorian lord fredine
since when is pointing out how they disagree with someone ‘trying to silence her’. are they calling for her vlog to be shut down? are they calling for her (or her t.v. show) to be boycotted? fine, you agree with her. many don’t. i can only wonder why you’re here. i’m sure you’d NEVER click on any of the sites that show naked butts or hot sweaty men. you’re just here for the political discourse. right.
Hussain-TheCanadian
I’m not a fan of open relationships either, Im too jealous of a guy to share – Its not for me at all.
Captain Obvious
Mayim Bialik continues to prove she’s incredibly intelligent and wonderful. Keep hating.
Heywood Jablowme
Oh, here on Queerty comments we have many monogamous (or perhaps virginal) posters who say pretty much what she said, only they’re much less polite about it. Their whole lives revolve around feeling superior to the rest of us ordinary gay sluts.!
Heywood Jablowme
Damn… I wasn’t trying to be ironic with that. I really expected to be the FIRST comment here.
I didn’t realize Danny595 has set up some kind of alert – or has a sixth sense, perhaps – so that he can jump immediately on any article dealing with this subject, and lecture us inferior gay sluts!
jayjay333
I totally agree w/ her and she was just voicing HER opinion and not speaking for the gay community. You can call it “slut shaming” or whatever but quite frankly, if there had been more “slut shaming” during the 1980’s we probably wouldn’t have lost millions of our gay brothers to AIDS.
jheryn
I don’t find it to be an ignorant, intolerant, idiotic or any other bad “I” word statement.
To each his/her own. That is her opinion. There was no judgement there. She was just stating something from her perspective.
I to don’t get open relationships, because I couldn’t be in one. I want commitment and don’t want to ever worry about my partner finding the next best thing. Fortunately, my partner is more adamant about this than I am.
I have no judgement about people wanting an open relationship. Do what you want. I, like Mayim just don’t see the need for an open relationship. It’s just perspective and opinion, not judgement.
CaliKyle
Mayim stating her opinion on open relationships is fine; Mayim using speculation and dubious social science theory to lend credibility to her opinion is not.
frankcar1965
” Fortunately, my partner is more adamant about this than I am.”
So you think, he may and then again, he may not.
jheryn
No frankcar1965 I don’t “think”.
Not knowing either of us it is a pretty pathetic/sadistic thing for you to suggest. Or do you just like attempting to cause doubt in people?
Even if it was an attempt at humor, it failed. We both are believers in monogamy. Not everyone cheats. Some of us actually believe in our commitments.
MacAdvisor
” actress Mayim Bialik, better known as “Blossom” from the hit 90’s sit-com”
Mayim Bialik is considerably more famous as Amy Farrah Fowler, Sheldon’s girlfriend on the Big Bang Theory. She has been on the show starting with the end of season 3 and is a cast regular. Joey Lawrence is famous for playing Joseph “Joey” Russo, however.
jasentylar
She was the star of a television show. That’s what she is more famous for as opposed to being an ensemble cast member/supporting character.
Heywood Jablowme
@jasentylar: ummm… since Big Bang Theory is a much more famous show than Blossom ever was, it’s safe to say that she’s much more famous as Amy.
JamJewel
I agree….. even though I watched “Blossom,” I don’t remember much about it… I would think that most would have to Google it compared to the instant recognition and familiarity to BBT.
simulations
I read it as a deliberate slight against someone whose attitudes and best days are far, far behind her.
Xzamilloh
Who under the age of 30 remembers Blossom? And “30” is being super generous.
jasentylar
When you have the platform that she does, you have to be careful about being vocal about your opinion. If she doesn’t understand, then seek understanding. No one is asking her to agree with it, but it’s definitely not what she described. It’s misleading–the things she stated. Learn about an issue before you speak on it.
jayjay333
What’s the issue to learn? How to be slutty in three easy steps?
KaiserVonScheiss
Stop promoting promiscuity. Most people, gay or straight, don’t want it. People want sex to have meaning. They want a partner, not a thousand floozies with whom to have meaningless hook-ups.
I’m sorry, but complete surrender to your appetites is not the key to happiness. I tend to have a neo-Aristotelian view of things.
Monogamy is a great tool for ensuring moderation, which is necessary to have a happy life.
Heywood Jablowme
That’s quite a straw man argument. Polyamory is not the same thing as promiscuity. I get the impression it usually means 2 partners, maybe 3, not “a thousand floozies.”
Queerty is not “promoting” promiscuity every time it reports news like this. She, on the other hand, is promoting monogamy but not doing a good job at it.
“Most people, gay or straight, don’t want it.” So what? Most people can mind their own f*ing business, the last time I checked. Most people don’t want to become vegetarians, for instance, but I bet you don’t want to force it on them.
frankcar1965
And your statement is solely a subjective view, you do realize this don’t you? You do not speak for all the people.
SarcasaticMisanthrope
I have been with my husband for 20+ years. We are what you would call a “open relationship” and have had no issues whatsoever. And if you are going to bandy about name calling, I will take “Trollop”, thank you very much. In fact I will wear the sash proudly. So there Mrs. Grundy.
KaiserVonScheiss
@Heywood
I never advocated forcing my opinions on anyone. While it is technically true that one could have three partners, it is my opinion (and probably the opinion of most people) that the more sexual partners one has within a time period, the less meaningful they are.
Heywood Jablowme
@Kaiser: “it is my opinion (and probably the opinion of most people) that the more sexual partners one has within a time period, the less meaningful they are.”
I suppose that’s my personal opinion as well. But again, so what? Maybe some people aren’t all that concerned with “meaningful.” Maybe some people want one “meaningful” and one not so much. Maybe some people actually manage equidistance in meaningfulness. I’m not the relationship police and neither are you.
Anyway, now you’ve changed the goalposts. Earlier, you misidentified the problem as one of “promiscuity.” Now you’re forgetting all that and defining it all around “meaningful”? Make up your mind!
KaiserVonScheiss
@Heywood I do believe, as previously stated, that promiscuity would be hindrance to happiness. The question is, how does one define promiscuity? How many sexual partners within a time frame constitute being promiscuous?
I believe there is a middle ground between too much sex (and partners) and too few. As I stated previously, I think monogamy is a great tool regulating this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_mean_(philosophy)
Danny595
@SarcasaticMisanthrope – An open marriage is a fake marriage, no matter how long it lasts.
Heywood Jablowme
@Kaiser: Are you defining having sex with the same two or three people within, say, a five year time period, “promiscuous”? If not, it’s unclear why you (or your pal Aristotle) threw the word promiscuity in here. Non-monogamy doesn’t exactly = promiscuity.
KaiserVonScheiss
@Heywood
I probably consider three or more in a five year period to be promiscuous.
He BGB
So is the writer saying that this is judgmental to gay people because onlygay people practice open relationships? I think she’s made valid points. I’ve already heard that about men not being monogamous and it was an ah ha moment for me. So I don’t get this argument of putting her down. I always think of her as young Cici, in Beaches (Bette Midler character). I never watched Blossom or BB theory.
DCguy
If the author disagrees with her comments feel free to post a well reasoned counterpoint to them. All I saw was some snark and a little veiled bitchiness. If you can’t even defend your point against her comments, maybe you don’t have one.
Heywood Jablowme
??? – The author isn’t making much of an argument of his own, but he quotes some other commenters who DO make good counterpoints.
Bialik merely says she doesn’t “get” open relationships, while making no serious pro-monogamy (for everyone) argument at all.
DCguy
Exactly, she didn’t come down off the mountain with the commandment of “Thou shalst not engage in open relationships” and yet the article took on a tone of hysteria, odd.
Wolfie
Her opinion and she is allowed to have it.
Xzamilloh
That’s a non-point… who said she wasn’t allowed to have her opinion? That “Entitled to my opinion” line is so old and such a stupid straw man. Being allowed to have an opinion is irrelevant to the opinion itself.
DuMaurier
@Xzamilloh, normally I think that’s a cop-out too, but in this case I’ll accept it. Mainly because of this weird reaction that implies that her holding this (perfectly legitimate, if arguable) opinion is somehow something others need to push back against, as if it’s some kind of assault against people who think and live differently. She didn’t invade anyone else’s space or reduce anyone’s freedom; she simply expressed a view that some people hold and others don’t. No humans were hurt in the making of this vlog.
Xzamilloh
Point made. Wolfie, I apologize, and if that profile pic is a cartoon rendering of you in real life, please accept this apology with a pantsless handshake, with but with no hands and you sitting on my face.
assiandude
I agree whole heartedly with Ms. Bialik’s basic premise that male and female sexuality is different from a biologic basis. However, she used this to support a conclusion that open relationships involve a strong emotional component for both genders or she was addressing females. Gay men have shown that open relationships can thrive and also that sex does not always involve an emotional connection even when it occurs more than once.
However, I do think that her assertion about an emotional connection often occurs with women which could threaten a relationship. However, if the reverse to happen and a man has an outside relationship, it’s the discovery of betrayal that is the problem as usually the man is in it for sex.
I think that the true thesis, would be that women should not allow for open relationships because it takes away from their sexual power in the primary relationship. Straight relationships would be more honest if the male doesn’t have to fear loss of sexual contact if he doesn’t do what his female partner wants. Open relationships makes the playing field more even.
Kangol
She’s probably in a sexless marriage and jealous. She should worry about her own bedroom before spouting off about others’.
paul dorian lord fredine
she’s divorced.
SnakeyJ
I’ve known 3 “Throuples” and every time two broke off into a couple, and one was left aside.
Every open couple i know rarely (if ever) have sex together anymore, and stay in the relationship for financial reasons.
Open does not work for long term. It’s not sustainable.
Griff_Greymuzzle
So based on your VERY LIMITED personal exposure, you’re willing to conclude that ALL poly relationships don’t work? I’ve got one going on 15 years now and we’re healthier than most “normal”/Mono relationships. How about you do you and stop trying to tell other how to do them? That’s be great.
Richard 55
There is no validity to an open relationship. It’s a contradiction in terms. Call it an open arrangement but not a relationship.
Ryan Field
Ha! Way to present a good strong argument with a brilliant woman like Mayim Bialik who has a Ph. D. in neuroscience…lol.
jkthsnk
And the girl is a neuro scientist! How about imperical evidence? How about starting with your life and the evidence that monogamy didn’t save your marriage and admit you need more education on the subject? Or maybe it was unacknowledged polyamory that was the problem. How about maybe your four year old in your bed was the problem? How about STFU til you’re willing to educate yourself or at the very least withold the judgement and admit you ignorance.
Jaroslaw
Can sex be meaningless with one or some people and meaningful with one or some people? If so I sure don’t see how. If sex and its effects (children, medical problems death in some cases) were completely confined to the participants maybe the idea of not having “relationship police” or “everyone minding their own business” would be fine. Like many things the ideal is somewhere in between. For example one argument against polygamy would be that powerful wealthy men would greatly reduce available women and many men would have no spouse. Long term that would be chaos. 2nd example: I remember reading in a number of places how “free love” was so acceptable in Scandinavian countries in the 80s and the grandparents raised all these love children. No one asked the grandparents how they liked all this extra work or if the children liked being raised by grandparents. The point is no man is an island. Another is there are often hidden “costs”.
DuMaurier
Well…the ‘if you don’t like gay marriage don’t get gay married thing’ was a counter to people who wanted same-sex marriage to be illegal. Bialik isn’t suggesting banning open relationships, and I don’t think she was even being all that judgmental about them. She gave her opinion from her own perspective, which is what we all normally do. Other people with different views are free to vlog theirs, or however they want to get their point across.
Prax07
I couldn’t ever be in an open or poly relationship. I view those types of things as non-relationships, that those in them do not love their partner. So if someone doesn’t love me enough to only be with me then we’re just fwb and nothing more. If I don’t want to go around having sex with anyone other than my partner, my partner should feel the same, otherwise it’s a one sided love.
Donston
There is no reason to call her “shockingly ignorant”. It’s just her opinion. You can argue your different opinion. But she didn’t clown anyone and she didn’t attack LGBT. And of course, the author of this post has nothing real to say but instead just quotes other people. Being this protective of having sex with multiple- it’s a lame thing to be passionate about and another reason why I sometimes feel indifferent towards many LGBTQ “causes”.
Whatever you do is what you do. But Queerty, and to a lesser extent other gay sites, promote open relationships and promiscuity as if it’s something special and progressive instead of something that’s been going on for thousands of years. Open relationships are actually a far more antiquated view of things.
They’re also a way for inherently gay people to not have to attempt to truly commit themselves to the gender they have inherent attraction to and deal with living the “gay lifestyle”. It’s the main reason why hardly any famous men come out, especially athletes. Why bother dealing with all that if I can live the straight life and get some dick and man-ass whenever I feel? And the ones who are in relationships with the gender they have substantial sexual attraction see open relationships as the benefit to living the “gay lifestyle”. “If I have to live the ‘gay lifestyle’ I might as well get plenty of dick and/or man-ass”. For a lot of homos truly committing to and sacrificing for the same gender hurts their egos greatly, whether they choose to date the same gender or not. If everyone was in an open relationships at least half of gay couples wouldn’t exist.
I’ve been in two open relationships in the first half of my 20’s, one homo and one hetero. It didn’t work for me. When I truly fall for someone I don’t want to be with anyone else emotionally or physically. There may be other attractions, but there’s no real desire to be with anyone else in any type of way. Open relationships can work and can be somewhat healthy, but both partners must have very narcissistic tendencies. Both must have a constant obsession with “feeling different things” and getting attention from different sources. If those instincts aren’t extreme on both ends it won’t work. It’s mostly for people who lack self-satisfaction, a calm and solid ego and who have a hard time being selfless. But, aye, do you boo.
Brian S
She is absolutely right. Open relationships do not work.
jrh311
So dramatic, Graham. Did she trigger your personal insecurities? You should spend more time learning proper grammar and less time ripping people apart for their opinions. You’re writing an article–you should have better skills.
rextrek
I saw this video whats the BIG DEAL? Can’t she have an opinion – she was being respectful , and her opinion come from her point of view……..funny, the older I get the more NON jealous I have become – If my husband wants to mess around with another guy – fine, just be careful….and IF he’s HOT and circumstances allow – maybe I’ll join in? with More years behind then ahead – I have NO Time for jealousy…..heck I did the Jealous crazy person in my 20’s and 30’s….No Thanks!
Orgoglio Masch
Why is it ignorant? Because you disagree with her? I don’t necessarily agree with her viewpoints, but she’s presented her arguments well. She’s a very educated woman. There are a lot of typos in this article…
jjose712
Sorry but i don’t see nothing wrong in what she said.
First her biological points are correct. Second she is speaking about herself and not preaching what you have to do.
She has an opinion, and she doesn’t even try to make her point of view the only valid one, she simply says that kind of relationships is not for her.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
And frankly questioning her as a straight ally is ridiculous. A lot of straight people are in open relationships, and a lot of gay people are monogamous.
If people get offended when other people don’t share their options in life they are going to feel offended most of the time
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RexMovesSlow
The writer of this piece obviously has issues. It’s why I hardly come to this site anymore.
Donston
It’s a site that’s all about promoting debauchery, internalized homophobia and hetero worship. The writers have no real opinions on anything, unless they’re telling people to sluts or they’re clowning supposedly anti lgbt people.