Meet Dickie Hearts. Heâs a Los Angeles-based filmmaker, an avid hiker, biker and weight-lifter, and a total comic book/super hero geek. Oh, and heâs also deaf.
âI face a lot of interesting challenges,â he tells Queerty in an exclusive interview. âAt times, I do feel invisible, which can be frustrating. At the same time, it drives me more and gives me a stronger voice (or hands) as an actor-filmmaker.â
Related:Â Every Other Wednesday, You Can Learn ASL With A Shirtless Nyle DiMarco
Hearts is a busy guy. He just finished shooting a guest spot on a show. Heâs also hard at work on a pitch for a new web series. All that is in addition to regularly going on auditions, taking acting classes, and working on short film projects.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Luckily, he had a few minutes to chat with us about his experiences as a gay deaf man of color, the L.A. dating scene, and whether he prefers Grindr or Scruff. Check out what he had to sayâŠ
QUEERTY: Youâre basically a triple minority. Gay, deaf, and a person of color. Whatâs that like?
HEARTS: I face a lot of interesting challenges. The biggest would be access to opportunitiesâan audition for a leading role, a job interview, things like that. Iâm not fully considered just because of my deafness. Itâs funny because I look ânormalâ and my deafness isnât visible until I start gesturing with my hands. Then people are like, âOhhhh, youâre deaf.â I also know I miss out on opportunities just because Iâm a person of color, or because Iâm openly gay, or both. Itâs very real and, at times, I do feel invisible, which can be frustrating.
Yet despite all that, youâve still found a way to do what you love, which is filmmaking. In fact, your short film âPassengersâ earned you the Best Filmmaker title at the Disability Film Challenge last year. Where did you get the idea for the project?
I actually used to drive for Lyft for extra money and I somehow came across the 48-Hour Film Challenge, where, like it says, you have 48 hours to complete a short film. So, I decided, why not borrow from my own experiences? I also knew that I wanted to see my own kind of love story, which, of course, involves a deaf queer person as the hero.
The beginning of the film pokes fun at some of the more absurd things people have said to you about your disability. Whatâs the most ridiculous thing someone has ever said, and how did you respond?
âYouâre deaf? âŠBut how can you drive?â (While I was actually driving them home!) âHow do you have sex?â âAre deaf people quiet during sex?â Those are some of the dumbest questions Iâve been asked. Sometimes, Iâd give them a âYouâre kidding, right?â look. Usually Iâd just smile and shrug it off. And, no, we are not quiet during sex.
On that note: Grindr or Scruff?
Iâm more of a Scruff guy myself. (Sorry, Grindr!) I use it to, ahem, satisfy my needs and sometimes I actually use it as a way to get coffee or a drink with guys. While itâs a hookup app, it can be used to find potential suitors. This is where my person of color identity comes in first rather than my deafness. For hooking up, once we get past the obligatory âinto?â talk and and weâre going to meet up, I let them know right there and then that Iâm deaf. Most of the time they donât care. They just wanna do it since sex doesnât really involve talking anyway.
Iâve spoken with a few different disabled guys who have all said they deal with men fetishizing their disabilities. Have you ever experienced that?Â
Oh yeah. Oh yeaaaaaah. Itâs very common. âIâm deaf. That cool?â âDude, thatâs so hot. F*** yes!â Iâm just like, hey, whatever floats your boat, and if it tips it to my advantage, sure. For me, itâs more of how extreme the level of fetishizing the disability gets. So far, I havenât felt the need to go âDude, really? Câmon.â You have to understand, Iâm a filmmaker, so I am always observing things like this.
OK, and what about dating? Do guys treat you differently because of your disability?
Whatâs dating? Just kidding. Iâve gone on dates here and there, but it would never lead to anything past the first or second date. Dating is a whole ânother ball game, actually. Iâm based in L.A. and Los Angeles is so different in those regards. First, you have the L.A. culture. Then you have the gay culture. And, to top it all off, the Hollywood culture. To have all of those three overlapping each other can make dating quite near impossible. Especially if youâre deaf and a person of color. Anything that differentiates from the ânormâ (beautiful, able-bodied, hearing, and white) immediately makes you look undesirable or less than âperfect.â This is not to sound bitter or angry. This is just my observation.
Iâd imagine simply communicating on dates would also pose a challenge.
Thatâs the next biggest issue in dating. Iâm an ASL (American Sign Language) user. Honestly, I could write a book about this. Or rather a movie. Rom-com, right? Either way, it involves the non-signing person to learn sign language because how will we communicate if not that? Eternally typing back and forth on our iPhones? Nah. Also, the non-signing person would not just have to learn, but would also have to remain committed to a whole new language, one thatâs visual and not spoken.
Have you ever dated another deaf guy?
IÂ absolutely would. I just havenât found the right one. For me, it doesnât matter whether youâre deaf or hearing, as long as you can sign. Seriously, though, it can be a beautiful and more intimate journey for both the signing and non-signing dates. Iâve seen deaf/ hearing queer couples that started out like that. It gives my friends and I some hope!
Whatâs something you would like to tell others about guys with disabilities?
Donât look past us. Get to know us. Weâre just like everyone else, amazingly human and just another beautiful color in the big, great rainbow flag.
Also, a dating tip: When a deaf person tells you theyâre deaf, donât quickly state that you donât know sign language or apologize for not knowing. Chances are they already know that you donât know and there is no need to apologize. Rather, just say something like âcoolâ or âthatâs awesomeâ or âIâve always wanted to learn sign language.â Turn an âI donât knowâ into an âIâd love to learn.â And if you do know sign language, then great! Happy dating!
Related:Â Nyle DiMarco Is âVery Singleâ; Wants A Lover With These Three Qualities
Lucas Witherspoon
“Turn an ‘I donât know’ into an ‘Iâd love to learn.'” Coincidentally, I have always wanted to learn ASL. Consider my interest officially piqued. Great read.
tusgold
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AWG3126
Dickie, IF I were younger, single, and lived in the LA area, I would absolutely love to go on a date (or several) with you. Being of color and deaf should not make a damn bit of difference to someone interested in the PERSON.
I applaud you for being as outgoing and honest as you are. I wish you nothing but the best in your venture to meet someone who can love you for who your are. Forget the color or the deafness. Just love the great person you seem to be.
God bless.
Chris
The article was way better than the headline. And one last thing: people who sign are very good with their hands.
dre23222
This article was great. Love it. Dickie is cute and love to go out on a date with him. took a ASL class in 7th and 8th grade which was a long time ago but would love to learn more of it. I’m open to it.
Billy Budd
I dont know ASL but I can point to my lips pr his, my dick and his and my tush and his. We would have lots of fun togegher. And I bet he is awesome in bed and very tender-vanilla.
Caliban
Ok, this is a really stupid question, but it seems like I have met many deaf gay men, but not many deaf straight people. Obviously that could just be anecdotal, but I’ve wondered if the percentage of gay people is higher in the deaf community.
I liked the film though. Very nice.
Jere
Film is terrific…I want to see the full-length feature version! Both Hearts and his costar are hot as hell and I want to see where this goes! đ