LIFE'S A DRAG

Which Comediennes Killed And Which Got Killed On RuPaul’s Drag Race?

Six more ladies to go! I’ll post the recap later, but I’ll say that I think that Carmen, Jara, and Delta gotta go. You know that Manila, Shangela, and Raja are gonna make it to the end.

10:00 PM – It just occured to me that some of the dramatic music they use on Untucked is the same as the music they use in Project Runway. You can tell Alexis loves erasing the lipstick on the mirror every week. Watch out, Alexis… one day it’s gonna be your make-up on that mirror.

10:04 PM – Manila gets real with Shangela about the fact that she’s gonna attack her and try to win, friendship be damned. Tonight the ladies will have to read each other and throw shade a la Paris is Burning. Jara throws some funny shade (at least we think so, because we can’t understand a word). Everyone makes fun of Delta for being a fat ass which he finds totally predictable. Shangela really tears these bitches up by calling Raka fashion roadkill and telling Carmen that even is she threw herself in the ocean, she’d float bc of all her silicone.

10:09 PM – The ladies will train with comedienne Rita Rudner to put together a comedy routine. Shangela has some advantage because she has performance experience, but she feels the workplace is more divided than ever between what she calls “Team Talent” with her, Jara, and Alexis
and “Team Look” with Carmen, Delta, Raja, and Manila. Maybe she should have called her team “Team Horribly Accented English.” Yes, Shangela the workplace has becomes divided… it’s everyone against you!

10:14 PM – We all know how bad it can be when someone tries to be funny. Alexis and Jara both think that Shangela never properly learned how to do makeup. Carmen is afraid to embrace his inner Jersey trash, but RuPaul says you betta or it’s over! Manila’s gay childhood routine doesn’t sound so great. Alexis wants to talk about her coming to America experience… but will it be funny as the REAL Coming to America?! That movie was funny as shit. Delta will use all the inner pain she’s suffered at the hands of fat jokes to deliver a routine that’s “Poor me, pour me another drink!”

10:18 PM – Watch out bitches because Shangela gets to choose the lineup. You know she’s gonna try and kneecap her fellow dragsters! Here’s the lineup: Raja will bit the bullet, Carmen, Alexis, Shangela, Manila, Jara, and Delta. She put Manila right after her to really throw down—you intimidated by me, bizznitch? Then try doing comedy RIGHT AFTER ME! Uh oh… and you know Shangela’s gonna be funny because the girl is wrong as hell! She may be the villain, but God what a great villain. They shouldn’t have been so mean to her last week because the Queen Bitch is back and ready to sting! YOU BETTA WERQUE!!!

10:22 PM – Commercial: If you don’t put ozone-killing chemicals in your hair, you will never be beautiful you horribly flawed person!

10:23 PM – Another commercial: Don’t worry about your poo sheets ever again! Just use Lysol!

10:24 PM – Yet another commercial: I kinda hope Sucker Punch is riot-grrrl, pro-woman, lesbian delight and now just some fanboy jerk-off fantasy.

10:25 PM – And yet another commercial still: It’s hard to find the perfect vacation when you’re a stuffy uptight white guy.

10:26 PM – Rita Rudner keeps a constant look of unamusement as these queens perform. Alexis can’t make jokes about visiting Miami in a raft because he can’t pronounce the word “raft.” It looks like Jara will do a routine that involves him being a midget with diarrhea. Shangela will perform as a combination pimp-ho. He’s lucky to get ten extra minutes with Rita Rudner because it seems like everyone else only got about 20 seconds.

10:30 PM – Delta is beginning to struggle because she has to deal with being a large girl who’s funny in front of an audience. For the time being she has decided her best bet is to cry quietly in the corner. But lucky for her Carmen has put on a fat bikini suit that looks much frumpier and far less funny than anything Delta could ever ever do. As Shangela said, “Girl just signed the papers. She’s going home.”

10:35 PM – Ready to watch some comedy? Raja does a comedy routine about blowing her father while wearing a great Carrie costume. Carmen decides that she wants to be so fat that she takes a shit and accidentally has a baby without knowing it. Alexis does a great psycho-Charro bit with mega-huge tits! Shangela plays La Queefa the postmodern pimp-ho who’s a pimp but also her own ho—sometimes she doesn’t even pay herself her own money. Seriously, Shangela is really funny and so wrong! Manila comes on a lukewarm routine about Sesame Street… uh-oh! Jara Sofia comes in on her knees playing a very slutty midget who gets serious run butt after eating a 14-inch cock sandwich with her butt. Delta also delivers a so-so routine in bikini t-shirt.

10:46 PM – Everyone loves Raja’s costume but she didn’t really get into her own story and how it related to the hour story of Carrie. Carmen’s routine saved herself by actually being funny and wearing a skin-tight tape, Alexis gets told that she used her Volkswagon-sized breasts as a crutch and that she rushed through the act. Everyone loves Shangela’s act and her improved makeup and she’s probably gonna win. The people are not so sure that Manila’s stale Sesame Street jokes. Delta went onstage with too much nervousness and went on too long without a laugh. Jara’s over the top. Delta’s started all over the place and was too sad and dark. One judge says, “She has a constant aura of sadness about her.” Could it be that because the other big girl Stacey got the boot that she felt extra self-conscious tonight?

10:54 PM – Prediction: Manila and Delta on bottom two. Delta gets the boot.

10:55 PM – Commercial: Red Riding Hood! The scariest movie about menses you’ve ever seen. Periods were much scarier in the dark ages. Even scarier than Carrie!

10:56 PM – Alexis is safe, Raja is safe. Manila is up for elimination! Shangela wins which gets her stared daggers from Manila! It’s Delta’s third time in the bottom… and third time’s a charm! Manila knocks it out of the park! But she and Delta share a tender moment at the song’s end when Manila comes from behind and holds her friend… it’s actually really beautiful and sad.

11:00 PM – As Delta gets eliminated, the Heathers (aka Team Look) all hug while Queen of the Boogers smiles having vanquished another one of her foes. Shangela’s smile radiates, “You’re next, bitch!” Ooooh! We love it.