It’s getting hot on the ice! Like we reported the other day, the Stanley Cup Finals are on and Chicago is going nuts over their Blackhawks (it’s easy to see why), in part because all their other teams suck. But Bostonians have their own reasons to be excited about hockey this year. One, they’re probably just happy to not be sheltering in place while SWAT teams and black helicopters roam the neighborhood looking for a tweeting, unarmed 19-year old (turns out stuff actually does happen when you’re high, Dzhokhar). Another is the beef quotient of their Bruins. Just look at those adoring fan boys: “His hands are so soft!” So here’s another purely subjective and superficial look at some would-be champions: these are the Boys of the Bruins.
Patrice Bergeron
Just look at him tape that stick.
Center
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Number: 37
Height: 6′ 2″
Weight: 194
Shoots: Right
Age: 27
Gregory Campell
I’ve never been an arm man, but…
Center
Number: 11
Height: 6′ 0″
Weight: 197
Shoots: Left
Age: 29
David Krejci
Hi.
Center
Number: 46
Height: 6′ 0″
Weight: 188
Shoots: Right
Age: 27
How sweet it is.
Center
Number: 19
Height: 6′ 1″
Weight: 182
Shoots: Right
Age: 21
Nathan Horton
This guy rocks the buzzed head. Matt Damon needs to play him in the movie.
Right Wing
Number: 18
Height: 6′ 2″
Weight: 229
Shoots: Right
Age: 28
Jordan Caron
It’s all fun and games until you get a super sexy scar over your left eye.
Right Wing
Number: 38
Height: 6′ 3″
Weight: 204
Shoots: Left
Age: 22
Matt Bartkowski
Damn, Matt.
Defenseman
Number: 43
Height: 6′ 1″
Weight: 196
Shoots: Left
Age: 25
Niklas Svedberg
I think I’m in love.
Goaltender
Number: 72
Height: 6′ 0″
Weight: 176
Catches: Right
Age: 23
Adam McQuaid
Do you shower in the locker room or do you wait to get home? Are you going home now? Where are you going?
Defenseman
NumberR: 54
Height: 6′ 4″
Weight: 197
Shoots: Right
Age: 26
Andrew Ference
Is anyone else feeling faint?
Defenseman
Number: 21
Height: 5′ 11″
Weight: 189
Shoots: Left
Age: 34
Zdeno Chara
You see his stats? Do not fuck with this guy.
Defenseman
Number: 33
Height: 6′ 9″
Weight: 255
Shoots: Left
Age: 36
Jackhoffsky
Tyler Seguin (pic #5) is one of those guys that just looks damn sexy no matter what. He looks great in a suit and tie, he rocks a t-shirt, he looks good with his clothes off, clean shaven or scruffy.
He has a very sexy versatile look which makes him… that much sexier…
balehead
This is what real masculine looks like…
Jonty Coppersmith
Patrice Bergeron!
jkb
DAYUM!!! Nice set!
TVC 15
Andrew = Yum. I love sexy, muscley dudes who are kinda geeky looking, too.
brhorton3724
6’9″, forget the 6′ lets talk about the 9″
Crankycub
The Chicago Blackhawks definitely win for being hotter. That Niklas guy looks 12 – ugh.
None of these dudes except the last one can hold a candle to Patrick Sharp.