speaking out

Pro fighter Jason Ellis says he’s married to a woman but “lucky enough to have sex with men as well”

Former MMA fighter and Sirius XM radio host Jason Ellis has just penned a powerful essay for the Advocate about the unique struggles he faces as a bisexual man who is married to a woman.

“My experiences with the LGBTQ community have been, up to now, almost exclusively sexual in nature. Hook-up sites. Sex clubs. Group sex with men. I’ve done it all–well, almost all,” he writes.

48-year-old Ellis, who hosts The Jason Ellis Show weekdays on the Sirius XM Radio, lives in Australia. He married his wife, Katie Gilbert, in 2017, one year after publicly coming out as bisexual.

“I’m married to a woman I love. I’m lucky enough to be able to have sex with men as well,” he writes. “I find diverse people of all genders sexy and attractive. But I don’t want my inclusion in the community to be just sexual. I want it to be deeper.”

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Ellis goes on to say that he longs to feel like a valued member of the LGBTQ community. After all, he writes, “B is the third letter listed!” But that hasn’t happened for him… yet.

He writes:

I just don’t feel like I’m welcome in the community right now. When men I have sex with find out I’m married to a woman they tell me things like, “it’s just a phase,” and “you’ll be gay eventually.” They tell me bisexuality doesn’t exist. They tell me what I do and how I define myself don’t exist…

…I have a tough exterior. I fight MMA. I’m a skateboarder. I’m tattooed from head to toe. But if you get to know me you know I’m a sensitive man. And the rejection of me being a bisexual man by other LGBTQ people hurts.

Bisexual men do exist, but I feel like the community doesn’t believe it. Like most people in the community think the “B” in LGBTQ just shouldn’t be there, or is a placeholder until I finally tell “the truth.”

Ellis’ feelings are nothing new, sadly. Numerous studies have found that bisexuals suffer higher rates of depression and substance abuse than other groups due to the double discrimination they face.

“Bisexual people face double discrimination in multiple settings,” researcher Ethan Mereish, an assistant professor at American University, said in 2017 while promoting his study on the mental health outcomes of bisexuals. “Bisexual people are often invisible, rejected, invalidated [and] stigmatized in the heterosexual community as well as the traditional LGBTQ communities.”

Ellis writes:

I find it perplexing. In the last decade we, and indeed society, have come to the understanding, if not the acceptance, that gender is a continuum. So why wouldn’t sexual expression and gender desire be on a parallel continuum?

…I would like to be part of the community. The ‘B’ was put there for a reason. And if you’re going to use it, then I ask the community to make more of an effort to find people like me and include us in the community and at your events.

Ellis concludes by imploring people that, if they’re going to include the “B” in LGBTQ, then they must start including the “B” in LGBTQ.

“Too many of us long to be in a community that will have us,” he writes. “Please be a little more welcoming, show us a little encouragement, and for fuck’s sake, believe me when I tell you I am equally attracted to men and women.”

Related: Bisexuals talk about the differences between dating men and women