paternal figure?

Reddit suggests alternatives to “daddy,” and some of them are… pretty creative

Gay couple relaxing on couch

Sorry, all you pops out there, but not all gays are into daddy-son play.

One Reddit user, for example, asked the r/askgaybros subreddit for “daddy” alternatives to use during sex. “Love the vibe of the name but hate being reminded of my dad when I’m balls deep,” that user wrote. “Any suggestions?”

More like many suggestions. But some terms of entanglement from that December 13 thread might be more laughable than lustful.

Here are ideas from that thread, ranging from the royal to the ribald to the ridiculous:

“My ex was very big on using ‘sir’ publicly and privately. It was an expression of respect, admiration, and, in intimate moments, of lust much more appropriate than ‘daddy.’”

“My king.”

“My liege!”

“M’lord!”

“Your grace!”

“My prime minister?”

“My elected representative of the people.”

“Me hearty! (‘Arr, whose ass be this?’ ‘(Gasp!) Yours, me hearty!’)”

Related: Someone’s come up with a gender-neutral variation for ‘daddy’

“Inseminator.”

“Sperminator.”

“Have fun with it. ‘Daddy’ gives you the heebie-jeebies? Try out ‘sir’ or ‘mister.’ Formality can be fun. ‘Captain’ is a personal favorite, though I guess ‘corporal’ or ‘sergeant’ might be more popular with the pedestrian crowd. ‘Father’ could have some mileage on it, and be sure to have him call you ‘son’ just to keep it creepy. And if all others fail, you can’t go wrong with the ‘comrade,’ or even the basic ‘bruh.’ Honorable mentions are ‘chum’ and ‘pal.’”

“Paternal figure.”

“Sire.”

“Boss.”

“Plough commander.”

“Commander BallsDeep.”

“Oedipus.”

“Coach.”

Related: Redditors suggest hilariously wrong answers for what LGBTQIA stands for

“English ain’t my first language, so I’m gonna go with ‘big guy.’ Just don’t say too often, or it starts sounding weird.”

“Buddy, bucko, ol’ chap, mate, pal, fella.”

“Captain, sport, champ, gov’ner.”

“Papi, chef, master chief, sergeant, Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. The possibilities are endless if you have some imagination.”

“If you are a Stranger Things fan, you can call him ‘papa.’”

“You can try ‘mommy.’”

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