What Will RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 17 Serve?
Flash forward to the year 2021. The RuPaul’s Drag Race machine is still paying the light bill at LogoTV. Queens are still crying in the Gold Lounge, still showing up not knowing how to sew, and Shangela has now made it into the cast of five different seasons!
We’re predicting where Ru’s runway might be circa season 17. As we flash forward, however, remember to glance back. Because in drag, as in life, everything old is new again.
1. The Tidal Wave
Santino: Now that’s one clean looking dress.
Michelle: It’s a little boxy.
Ru: It’s a Tide-al waaaave of eleganza.
Michelle: It’s a fucking tee pee!
Alyssa Edwards (guest judge): Gurl, look how fuckin’ orange you look, gurl!
Coco Montrese (guest judge): Just like a Dorito.
2. What’s the Point?
Santino: I can see the symetry of the geometry reflected in images which, of course, represent the Illuminati and their world domination. It’s genious! It’s amazing.
Bob Mackie (guest judge): I wouldn’t wear that if it meant leaving the house naked. It’s attrocious.
Ru: Her look is very pointed right now.
3. Tiled and True
Santino: The hemline is a little jagged.
Michelle: I’m concerned.
Ru: That look’s a little tiled.
4. Bare Bones Beauty
Michelle: Ugh, Joselyn Fox did that look way back in Season 6. It’s tired.
Willam Belli (guest judge): They clearly have not watched my video on how to tuck.
Santino: These group challenges are very hard to judge. I’m not sure it’s fair…
LaGanja Estranja (guest judge): Yesss gawd mama!! They gone full natch!
Alaska Thunderfuck (guest judge): Their makeup is TERRIBLE!
5. S.O.U.L.-idly Sound
Santino: It’s a little basic.
RuPaul: Hey S.O.U.L. sister.
Madonna (guest judge): I’ve seen this look before…
Michelle: Gurl, don’t even go there!
6. Wearable Reads
Ru: Her library is definitely open!
Michelle: She’s a true cover girl!
Santino: I see where you were going with this…but you might have read into the concept too much.
7. Salt Water Taffy on the Rocks
Ru: She’s by the seashore, but she’s selling more than shells!
Michelle: Where’s the rest of it? The shells ain’t covering those oysters!!
Santino: It’s lacking in complexity. Plus the whole “codpiece” thing isn’t really working for me.
Courtney Act (guest judge): Someone’s relying on pretty!
8. We See Right Through This One
Ru: Serving anatomical realness. I bet she’s an organ donor.
Michelle: She leaves nothing to the imagination with this one!
Adore Delano (guest judge): This seems very transparent to me.
Santino: This time I’m saying – stop relying on that body.
9. Sigfried and Roy Revivalist
Michelle: This one genuinely terrifies me.
Ru: What’s new pussycat?
Gia Gunn (guest judge): Feelin’ like pussy, feelin’ like cunt!
10. All Eyes on Her
Ru: Serving Picasso realness!!!
Michelle: Is that Raja?
Santino: The makeup could be better.
Bianca Del Rio (guest judge): Bitch stole my lashes!
11. Star Whore
Betty White (guest judge): This Golden Girl is lacking movement.
Ru: Somebody needs to be lubed up.
Michelle: C3-POh no she betta don’t!
12. Boy Drag Bonanza
RuPaul: Now I like this one!
Michelle: I smell a Glamazon in the making.
Santino: I’m not sure this look works for me at all. I don’t see her lasting past week three.