Ryan O’Callaghan is one of only a handful of openly gay former NFL players. Eight years after retiring, he’s opening up about his time in the sport and how it “damn near killed” him.
In 2006, O’Callaghan was drafted as a right tackle for the New England Patriots. In 2009, he was picked up by the Kansas City Chiefs, where he played for two seasons. But by 2011, his addictions, injuries, and the stress of being closeted became too much to bear and he left the sport.
In his new memoir, “My Life on the Line: How the NFL Damn Near Killed Me, and Ended Up Saving My Life,” 36-year-old O’Callaghan, who came out publicly in 2017, speaks very candidly about the lasting impact being closeted in the NFL had on him.
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O’Callaghan, who grew up in the conservative down of Redding, California, writes that he could “never exist as a gay man” and be fully accepted by his family and friends.
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“I needed a beard to live,” he writes.
Football became that beard.
As he moved up in the NFL ranks, O’Callaghan mostly kept to himself and kept his sexuality a closely-guarded secret from the other players.
“Hearing ‘fag’ in the locker room wasn’t what made me feel like an outcast in my own sport,” he writes in the book. “Instead, what was a daily reminder that I was different from the rest of the guys was the constant conversation in the locker room about women.”
Eventually, he writes, the burden of constantly trying to pass as straight became “exhausting” and led him down a road of addiction that ultimately caused him to leave the sport.
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Since retiring in 2011, O’Callaghan says he doesn’t think much has changed inside the organization.
“They haven’t had anyone else come out,” he says. “I met with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and he’s asked me what he can do to help. And it’s tough because he has to answer to 32 owners and the NFL has a huge influence on American society as a whole. He has to be careful not to be seen as an activist and alienate fans.”
O’Callaghan recently launched the Ryan O’Callaghan Foundation, which offers scholarships to LGBTQ youth.
“I started my foundation to give solace and support to LGBT college athletes, support meaning mentorship, events and creating a sense of community with other out athletes,” he tells the Washington Blade, adding that he hopes to be “a mentor for the next generation.”
“My Life on the Line: How the NFL Damn Near Killed Me, and Ended Up Saving My Life” will be released on September 3.
Herman75
The owners are a bunch of Trumpanzees that love watching the pendulum swing away from justice.
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iron
ln my opinion the NFL are the killers of our athletes and therefore our children
ericcutspaper
Ah…football. While I respect the many others finding, accomplishment, solace and camaraderie in the sport, the whole infrastructure of it, from the onset of schools to the professionals, has to do its part to de-escalate the male-toxicity aspects. Just for the sake of what the sport represents to all males and the women in their lives. Those ‘he-man’ aspects, and antics, communicate the ‘playing field’ is anything, but even. It slants towards a hyper heterosexual machismo that is ultimately toxic to EVERYONE. Leave it to the gay men in sports to lead the way towards true growth. I wish Mr. O’Callaghan every success with his endeavor to be a part of the ‘human male evolution’ that needs to step past the culture of arrested-adolescence.
Rex Huskey
i do not believe him
Donston
What do you not believe?
The dude is now trying to sell a book to support himself. And I’m always leery of bio’s from people in that position. But he didn’t say anything here that was far-fetched, melodramatic or even all that self-victimizing. A couple of other NFL players have already said that the owners are the biggest reason no one is out (though that might be a slight scapegoat). Of course, he’s going to hear the word “fag” in the background of the locker room here and there, which he claims didn’t bother him much. Of course, shielding who he is yet constantly being reminded of hetero-normalcy and being surrounded by men who view women as the ultimate goal and conquest and the ultimate person to lust after and receive affection and attention from will make someone self-conscious. While addiction is something fairly common in the league. So, I’m not see anything suspect in these quotes. I don’t have any interests in reading the book however.
cydzeigler
Ryan is donating every single penny he makes from the book to his charity that gives scholarships to LGBTQ students. He isn’t remotely “trying to sell a book to support himself.” That’s fake news.
erichinnw
“O’Callaghan, who grew up in the conservative down of Redding, California”
Odd, I’ve never seen any ducks that have political views before, let alone ones that transmit them to their feathers.
jimontp
What the hell are you trying to say? Or are you just another Russian bot?
Is there a Redding duck? There certainly is a very conservation city at the bottom of California’s Great Central Valley. And what the fu-k do your mean by that idiotic “transmit them to their feathers?” If you knew anything about the NFL, you would know that their locker rooms reek with homophobia. All the retired NFL gay players had said exactly the same sort of things.
dinard38
@jimontp I’m petty sure he was making a jibe at the fact that the writer of this article didn’t proofread, and wrote “Down” instead of “town”. Down are the soft feathers of birds.
Esscourt
I’ve always hated American football! I hated it when I was forced to play with the neighborhood boys when I was a kid. It’s really a stupid game when you watch it. I would rather watch paint dry—would probably be more entertaining!
Karrnal
so when is NFL commissioner Roger Goodell going to stop offering excuses and use his position to ameliorate the situation? As for not alienating the fans, a few directives from top brass and they wouldn’t give a hoot. Man up, Mr Goodell, and tell the owners to do the same. What a bunch of pussies.
Thad
Of the major American sports, football is the least gay-supportive. The NHL had “Hockey Is For Everyone” events at all 31 teams last season. I went to three, including Raleigh, North Carolina. I will surely read Ryan O’Callaghan’s book and I wish him happiness and doggie love!
enlightenone
Clearly, his intentions are good and seem to be above board. I do hope his life now is a more joyful one with perhaps a self-actualized gay partner/lover. The quote above the book’s title is another story. The lesson of the book should be either DON’T join a league at any level if he/she can not be what they are OPENLY or do something else. That’s the right path to take! Otherwise similar detrimental outcomes will be the result.
GymMan456
Then we need more focus on the owners of the football teams. Who are they and how are they able to set agenda on this issue without writing anything ?
What would be the most homophobic football team/owners in the nfl ?