BUSH WHACKED

That Shocking Hand Job Scene in Looking: A Gay Cruiser’s Guide to 9 Places Where It Could Have Happened

Spoiler alert: No, that hand job in Looking wasn’t particularly shocking. More like one of the “quiet provocations” Emily Nussbaum writes about in her New Yorker review of the new HBO series. But whatever. Who cares if culture critics think Looking is a velvet revolution, sucked, or is a straight man’s nightmare, where did that hand job happen? We could track down someone on the production to find out, but something called the Cruising Gays City Hookup Guide is right here on the Internet:

 1 bv park

1. Buena Vista Park

San Francisco’s oldest official park, established in 1867, is on a hilltop overlooking the Haight. The flora and crowd description below fit Patrick’s, er, date.

“Lots of trails and paths — if going at night best to scout it out during the day. Lots of trees, and hidden spots. evenings everyone just tucks themselves in a hollow and stands jacking waiting for the right one.

Crowd: While all types and ages do go there, I would say mostly it’s guys in moderately good shape and age-wise it’s 35-60. Not a lot of younger guys.”

2 marshall's beach

2. Marshall’s Beach (aka Nasty Boy Beach)

Snuggled between Baker Beach and the Golden Gate Bridge, this is an unlikely candidate as there are no woods. But there are plenty of bushes.

“It’s a modern day Sodom & Gommorah. Good beach all year round if sunny. Rock ‘condos’ keep out the cool breezes off the ocean, great view of incoming ships and sea lions while you… Can be up to 300 people on peak days.

Crowd: Everything from Castro boys on sunny weekends, to hippie and German tourists other days, some married guys after work.”

 3 golden gate park

3. Golden Gate Park

Patrick’s assignation could have happened just about anywhere in this iconic urban oasis, home to the DeYoung Museum, the California Academy of Sciences, and, apparently, tag teaming.

“I’ve seen and participated in all kinds of activities from a circle jerk to blow jobs, to and getting tag teamed — just depends on the crowd, or lack of one.

Crowd: Wide mix of guys from high school/college kids, to Dads, coaches, workmen, all the way to seniors — and even your average local perv, like myself.”

 

4 Ggpk$windmill-1904

4. Golden Gate Park Windmills

“This area is a huge area to cruise (and only one of many in the park). There are trails all over the place. You can cruise from your car or walk the paths. Mostly guys into BJ, but I have seen and done more. If you want bathroom, try the bathroom.

Crowd: Mostly guys in their 30s, kinda mainstream, but often a variety.”

Since Patrick’s partner was only interested in a hand-job, this location seems unlikely. Hey, and if you want bathroom, try the bathroom.

5 legion of honor

5. Palace of Legion of Honor

This is one of the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco, located in Lincoln Park overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. Here you’ll find Rodin, Degas, Monet and Suits after work.
“Semi secluded place with a great trail leading to the lands end trail. Action in the bushes is frequent.

Crowd: Cruisers looking for pickups, Suits after work.”

6 dolores park

6. Dolores Park (aka Dolores Beach, incl. the Fruit Shelf)

Located at the confluence of the Castro and Mission districts, Dolores Park is gay ground zero on a sunny day in San Francisco. Great for sunbathing, bike polo and casual pickups but no cover for follow through.

“Crowd: All types including skater dudes, Latinos, daddies, preppies…in and out of shape.”

7 eureka-recreation-sign 7. Collingwood Park

Not for a daytime hookup, this baseball field and recreation center two blocks from the heart of the Castro is packed after the bars close.

“There is not a lot of privacy but, hey, that doesn’t seem to stop anyone!

Crowd: All types (sometimes hustlers).”

8 lafayette park 2

8. Lafayette Park

Located in Pacific Heights, this 11 1/2-acre neighborhood park is unlikely based on geography and Patrick’s transit times from the Mission.

“Beautiful park in the rich white people section of town, although not exclusive.

Crowd: Yuppies, guppies and their puppies.”

 

9 fort funston

9. Fort Funston

Another unlikely location given transit times and a widespread gay-hipster disdain for anything west of Twin Peaks. But this beach popular for hang gliding does inspire words to cruise by.

“A lot of trails good for cruising, a few dead ends fairly private. Walk slowly, be quiet, pull it out and maybe you’ll come upon someone else doing the same.”